One time I did a pretty pathetic attempt at dying; I did cuts on my arms. Not nearly deep enough to even come close at killing me. I was having a crisis. I feel bad that I didn't "try" hard enough. I want to show the people I know that I'm capable at CTB. My grandma said that it pisses her off when I cut myself. That's what she said when I showed her my cuts on my arms (I figured it be better to show her than for her to find out, I think it was late summer early fall.) I should have tried harder is what I translated that as. I told her I tried killing myself (even though it was really, really pathetic) but she thought it was me cutting for attention. I don't fucking know what I was trying to do, honestly. I should have tried harder. I really should have. Maybe I am an attention whore, I don't know. It may have been a cry for help, but nobody listened. Every time I have cut since, I hide it. Not worth it to do in a place that is easily seeable. If I move out than I won't care anymore, but I'm under my grandparent's roof. This turned into a rant, sorry.
