Does anyone know of any books for mental preparation

[emma99]

Okay so i know there are resources on the practical nature of CTB. which help provide instructions.
However I was just wondering if anyone know of any "end of life" themed books for help with the
mental journey of CTB.

 

[chester]

I don't know about any books, but I can share my experience, maybe you'll find it helpful. When my life collapsed a couple of months ago, I was devastated, I thought I couldn't take it anymore, and CTB was the only way out. This led me to thinking I NEED to do it, I set deadlines, planned dates. Obviously, I'm still here to write about it. With time, I learned a valuable lesson, that when you're driven by strong emotions, this won't work. Right now I noticed, that something changed in me. I no longer struggle with life. I've given up. In social interactions, at work or with friends or relatives, I feel like a ghost, like I no longer belong to this world. And I made peace with it. It's not despair that's driving my decision at this point, it's a conscious, thought through choice. And when I go, it will just be a formality, because my life has already ended. A wonderful life it was and I'm grateful I could have it. But it's over, and last month was for me a journey which lead me to fully recognize this fact.

You know what helped me? It wasn't reading, it was writing. Putting on paper everything that went through my mind (related to the CTB decision). Returning to those texts after days and weeks. Reading them. Thinking about where I was wrong, what made sense, what didn't. Writing new texts, and reading them several times. Over and over. Until finally, I'm no longer rushing, I'm no longer desperate. I managed to detach myself from this world and CTB no longer seems to me like a violent act but rather a way of taking care of myself. I've seen death up-close. I held a dying person's hand when they passed. This changed me. But it didn't traumatize me, quite the opposite. I'm no longer afraid of death. The peace and relief I've seen in them when it happened. It almost made me envious at that point. And I think to myself, if that's what death is like, then there's nothing bad about it. Luckily, I've lost my reasons for living, so there's nothing keeping me from doing it myself.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't know about any books, but I can share my experience, maybe you'll find it helpful. When my life collapsed a couple of months ago, I was devastated, I thought I couldn't take it anymore, and CTB was the only way out. This led me to thinking I NEED to do it, I set deadlines, planned dates. Obviously, I'm still here to write about it. With time, I learned a valuable lesson, that when you're driven by strong emotions, this won't work. Right now I noticed, that something changed in me. I no longer struggle with life. I've given up. In social interactions, at work or with friends or relatives, I feel like a ghost, like I no longer belong to this world. And I made peace with it. It's not despair that's driving my decision at this point, it's a conscious, thought through choice. And when I go, it will just be a formality, because my life has already ended. A wonderful life it was and I'm grateful I could have it. But it's over, and last month was for me a journey which lead me to fully recognize this fact.

You know what helped me? It wasn't reading, it was writing. Putting on paper everything that went through my mind (related to the CTB decision). Returning to those texts after days and weeks. Reading them. Thinking about where I was wrong, what made sense, what didn't. Writing new texts, and reading them several times. Over and over. Until finally, I'm no longer rushing, I'm no longer desperate. I managed to detach myself from this world and CTB no longer seems to me like a violent act but rather a way of taking care of myself. I've seen death up-close. I held a dying person's hand when they passed. This changed me. But it didn't traumatize me, quite the opposite. I'm no longer afraid of death. The peace and relief I've seen in them when it happened. It almost made me envious at that point. And I think to myself, if that's what death is like, then there's nothing bad about it. Luckily, I've lost my reasons for living, so there's nothing keeping me from doing it myself.

This shows one can change what one thinks about life death suicide etc. and in a few months too.

Any details u can give about what kinds of things you wrote, and or the length of the writings, and or the frequency and number of times per day you read them. Also how many minutes or hours per day reading the mind changing writings ?

 

[smaragdyne]

Not sure if this fits, but I reccomend the Tao te Ching. A philosophical text, so good for either life or death I suppose.

 

[chester]

This shows one can change what one thinks about life death suicide etc. and in a few months too.

Any details u can give about what kinds of things you wrote, and or the length of the writings, and or the frequency and number of times per day you read them. Also how many minutes or hours per day reading the mind changing writings ?

What kind of things? Explanations. I wrote those texts as though they were meant for someone who will read them after I'm gone. Someone who doesn't know anything about what it's like to go through the things that happened to me. My intention was to prove, that because there's no way back for me, then there's only a way out for me. I'm planning to leave these texts behind for people to read anyway, but in hindsight, I think the main person I was trying to convince was myself. And with carefully crafted philosophical, logical and ethical arguments I think I managed to do that. Maybe I'll manage to convince someone else as well. I wrote about 10 texts ranging from 2 to 10 pages. I edited some of them several times when I thought my arguments were flawed or wrong, or just because I thought something was worth adding.

I won't give you a schedule, because I didn't have one myself. I'm a kind o person who likes to think a lot and overthinks a lot of things. I thought a lot about what to write and what I've written so far. Sometimes I just had the urge to sit down and write. Even today, when I woke up at 4am. It was both letting off steam and getting my thoughts in order.

@emma99 I just remembered one thing which helped me. Shelly Kagan's lectures on death. There's a playlist on YouTube, 26 lectures, they helped me a lot in terms of wrapping my head around death and dying. And I think they contributed to my belief that CTB is the right choice for me.

 

[emma99]

@chester, Thank you for your input.

Ironically I actually only came back to this question to give some of my solutions. lol
But 100% I agree with you that the writing really helps to come to terms with your decisions.
And your right, that if your going to rush your CBT, then somethings not right.
its not something you should have to force.
by forcing it you probably increase the risk of failure.

I have been deeply hurt by a number of consecutive blows my life has taken since Covid.
and the anger and feeling of being wronged, led me to writing this email,
which I was going to time delay send to a news agency.
As of now this letter has reached a total of 6,450 words.

and weather or not i actually send it i think is irrelevant at this point.,
Something else that is helping me is watching documentaries on suicides
and the right to die movement.

Things like the Yale Videos about weather or not suicide is rational.
Listening to the Philip Nitschke.

I mean we are programmed to fear death, and when we see suicides
in moves they are always depicted as something traumatic and painful.

It wasn't until i actually hung myself before
that i realised how painless a process it can be.

So in some ways, I think you need to mentally get over the
miss-information which you have been subjected to your whole life.

which governemnts do on purpose, to try to scare people off the idea

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

@chester, Thank you for your input.

Ironically I actually only came back to this question to give some of my solutions. lol
But 100% I agree with you that the writing really helps to come to terms with your decisions.
And your right, that if your going to rush your CBT, then somethings not right.
its not something you should have to force.
by forcing it you probably increase the risk of failure.

I have been deeply hurt by a number of consecutive blows my life has taken since Covid.
and the anger and feeling of being wronged, led me to writing this email,
which I was going to time delay send to a news agency.
As of now this letter has reached a total of 6,450 words.

and weather or not i actually send it i think is irrelevant at this point.,
Something else that is helping me is watching documentaries on suicides
and the right to die movement.

Things like the Yale Videos about weather or not suicide is rational.
Listening to the Philip Nitschke.

I mean we are programmed to fear death, and when we see suicides
in moves they are always depicted as something traumatic and painful.

It wasn't until i actually hung myself before
that i realised how painless a process it can be.

So in some ways, I think you need to mentally get over the
miss-information which you have been subjected to your whole life.

which governemnts do on purpose, to try to scare people off the idea

I would like to read your lengthy letter as my life also spiraled after endless blows leading into, during and after covid. Do you think news would actually publish what you have to say? Can it only be shared posthumously? Any back up plans like a trusted family or friend you can time-delay email it to?

 

[Bear1234]

As per my friend @Traveller12724 rec, reading "how to die" . Its a quick read and resonates.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

What kind of things? Explanations. I wrote those texts as though they were meant for someone who will read them after I'm gone. Someone who doesn't know anything about what it's like to go through the things that happened to me. My intention was to prove, that because there's no way back for me, then there's only a way out for me. I'm planning to leave these texts behind for people to read anyway, but in hindsight, I think the main person I was trying to convince was myself. And with carefully crafted philosophical, logical and ethical arguments I think I managed to do that. Maybe I'll manage to convince someone else as well. I wrote about 10 texts ranging from 2 to 10 pages. I edited some of them several times when I thought my arguments were flawed or wrong, or just because I thought something was worth adding.

I won't give you a schedule, because I didn't have one myself. I'm a kind o person who likes to think a lot and overthinks a lot of things. I thought a lot about what to write and what I've written so far. Sometimes I just had the urge to sit down and write. Even today, when I woke up at 4am. It was both letting off steam and getting my thoughts in order.

@emma99 I just remembered one thing which helped me. Shelly Kagan's lectures on death. There's a playlist on YouTube, 26 lectures, they helped me a lot in terms of wrapping my head around death and dying. And I think they contributed to my belief that CTB is the right choice for me.

thanks that helps a lot . so about 60 pages in all ? i think this will help me finally to accomplish my goal if i actually can get the discipline to do work on it

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Final Exit by Derek Humprhy has a section on that.

 

[abusedanimal6]

The book of disquiet