Does anyone here struggle with comparison?

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I was chatting with an old college friend. We were chatting about life and stuff and they seem pretty happy. Perhaps its cause, unlike me, they are not living in a toxic environment with toxic people

I really wish I was better in life. I wish I was doing better. I wish I already had my own place, my college degree, friends, real friends, a boyfriend, a job, etc

Instead I am some college junkie who is trying to convince herself to die everyday. I feel like such a failure compared to everyone else

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I find in conversation I may make comparisons that are not necessary. Sometimes I'm forward about my comparisons that may offend someone. Often I'm just a zombie and rub off as insensitive.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I find in conversation I may make comparisons that are not necessary. Sometimes I'm forward about my comparisons that may offend someone. Often I'm just a zombie and rub off as insensitive.

I am seen as too sensitive :(

 

[HelensNepenthe]

I am seen as too sensitive :(

Often I've come across people hating sensitive people... I genuinely feel these people are shamed for how they are. I've given a lot of care in prior friendships and relationships to only have them feel annoyed. I relate to some of your struggles. It's even more difficult if you associate yourself with autism.

 

[Whisperinyourear]

I think it absolutely sucks when you see others that are successful and have everything you want to be at right now. I had the same conversation with my best friend about going on Facebook & Instagram and seeing old friends and people from college and highschool buying houses, being promoted and having families, while the two of us are still studying and having lost our jobs and have no money.

I think in reality we don't know their stories or backgrounds and everyone gets to reach their own goals in their own time. I try not to compare myself with others just because she has everything I want, she didn't go through the hardships or the toxic relationships or bad environments that your going through or had to survive on nothing, so you cant compare and think why am I a loser/failure.

I'm sure you would of had some achievements/goals reached in your life even if there small wins. It's just a matter of time and patience before you reach your happiness, just everyone has different time lines and your working through it now in your own pace while dealing with so many other things.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I think it absolutely sucks when you see others that are successful and have everything you want to be at right now. I had the same conversation with my best friend about going on Facebook & Instagram and seeing old friends and people from college and highschool buying houses, being promoted and having families, while the two of us are still studying and having lost our jobs and have no money.

I think in reality we don't know their stories or backgrounds and everyone gets to reach their own goals in their own time. I try not to compare myself with others just because she has everything I want, she didn't go through the hardships or the toxic relationships or bad environments that your going through or had to survive on nothing, so you cant compare and think why am I a loser/failure.

I'm sure you would of had some achievements/goals reached in your life even if there small wins. It's just a matter of time and patience before you reach your happiness, just everyone has different time lines and your working through it now in your own pace while dealing with so many other things.

It just not fair. I want to be happy like the normal people. Thats all I ever wanted.....

 

[sourcreamonion]

I remember going through high school as an obsessively envious kid. I didn't grow up with a loving family, I didn't even have both parents present most of the time, money wasn't necessarily short but we couldn't afford anything more than necessities. I hated it. I hated the fact that other kids didn't have to go through any hardships, I remember being particularly bitter about the fact that I was one of the few who paid for their car during high school, while others got their car just for breathing.

It made me feel like nothing. And yes, I would admit I was a bitter kid. I grew out of it once I graduated.

At the end of the day you have to tell yourself to not care. That's what I did. As soon as the comparisons came rolling in, I'd stop and tell myself that it doesn't matter in the endgame (there's also the reminder that I'll CTB soon, so there is no reason for me to compare).

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I remember going through high school as an obsessively envious kid. I didn't grow up with a loving family, I didn't even have both parents present most of the time, money wasn't necessarily short but we couldn't afford anything more than necessities. I hated it. I hated the fact that other kids didn't have to go through any hardships, I remember being particularly bitter about the fact that I was one of the few who paid for their car during high school, while others got their car just for breathing.

It made me feel like nothing. And yes, I would admit I was a bitter kid. I grew out of it once I graduated.

At the end of the day you have to tell yourself to not care. That's what I did. As soon as the comparisons came rolling in, I'd stop and tell myself that it doesn't matter in the endgame (there's also the reminder that I'll CTB soon, so there is no reason for me to compare).

Interesting. I too want to CTB. To hurt everyone who hurt me and then, escape this pain

But I hear you. Its just sad and messed up. Like what if reincarnation exists? What if I could be reborn into a happier family and forget this existence. This shitty shitty existence :)

 

[Muirthemne]

Constantly. It's killing me. I genuinely feel like no matter where I go, I'm the biggest loser in the room. No education, never been on a date, can only work part time. Last year I hung out a mental health charity for youth for a few months, and I thought maybe there I'd fit in, but even there everyone I met had a job or a college education or a romantic partner or some combination of the above, and most of them were years younger than me. Even by the standards of the mentally ill, I'm an unmitigated disaster of a person. Literally everyone has accomplished more in life than I have.

I feel like at this point I'll just never catch up. I wasted my whole youth, and I lost such a huge part of the human experience I'll never be able to relate to anyone. I'll always just be that sad weirdo everyone feels vaguely sorry for while they prefer to spend their time with better people.

And there's no escape. I can't go five minutes without hearing some love song on the radio or hearing some talk online about a person's partner or job. I just want to scream until my lungs burst.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Constantly. It's killing me. I genuinely feel like no matter where I go, I'm the biggest loser in the room. No education, never been on a date, can only work part time. Last year I hung out a mental health charity for youth for a few months, and I thought maybe there I'd fit in, but even there everyone I met had a job or a college education or a romantic partner or some combination of the above, and most of them were years younger than me. Even by the standards of the mentally ill, I'm an unmitigated disaster of a person. Literally everyone has accomplished more in life than I have.

I feel like at this point I'll just never catch up. I wasted my whole youth, and I lost such a huge part of the human experience I'll never be able to relate to anyone. I'll always just be that sad weirdo everyone feels vaguely sorry for while they prefer to spend their time with better people.

And there's no escape. I can't go five minutes without hearing some love song on the radio or hearing some talk online about a person's partner or job. I just want to scream until my lungs burst.

Every word, every single word written here is exactly how I feel. To a tea. I wasted my life and everyone around me always seems to be doing better. And thanks to trauma, I will Never have normal friendships. People I can laugh to on the phone an vent to. At least if I CTB now I wont have to deal with the pain anymore. its not worth it to keep living

 

[AngelGirl]

I was chatting with an old college friend. We were chatting about life and stuff and they seem pretty happy. Perhaps its cause, unlike me, they are not living in a toxic environment with toxic people

I really wish I was better in life. I wish I was doing better. I wish I already had my own place, my college degree, friends, real friends, a boyfriend, a job, etc

Instead I am some college junkie who is trying to convince herself to die everyday. I feel like such a failure compared to everyone else

I feel you. I also compare myself a lot to people around me and it has become a type of phobia for me to actually see happy people. I am scared of seeing happy people. I feel so miserable inside whenever I see someone happy thinking that I will never be able to have a happy life like that.
One thing you can do is to stay away from using FB too much. You don't want to see other people's pictures and they might have inconsiderately posted nice pictures of themselves that might make you feel miserable. Seeing mentally healthy people also makes me feel like an insect and makes me realize how disgusting I am. Even real life is dangerous too. That's one of the reasons why I stay away from being too close to people. I don't want to know about other people's happy normal lives.

 

[Bct]

I'm also struggling. It's really hard not to compare myself with others unconsciously. Others seem like they have best friends, close families, lovers, good jobs, and/or money when I lack any of them. It's so shitty. Of course they also have unseen struggles, but that still don't invalidate mine.

 

[ugly_loser2008]

yeah, when i see others like people i used to know in school and i see myself - i begin to realize waht a worthless loser i truly am.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Feels like at least half the thoughts I have are me comparing myself to others and realising how bad I am tbh.

 

[Philosykos]

I struggle with comparison a lot, yes. I agree with @Whisperinyourear that everyone/most get 'there' in due time and it's different for everyone. But one cannot seriously take a look around in this world and pretend some people don't have the deck stacked against them massively from the beginning (not accusing you of doing that, Whisper). There are so many people whose lives will be a struggle, who will have to fight a hundred times harder just to get a 'normal' life with a halfway decent job, financial independence and a romantic partner and it's all down to their birth. Being born with a disadvantage - whether it be environmental, physical or mental - is a massive stumbling block in this world. Bein born with multiple is an almost surefire way to become what is commonly considered a 'failure'.

I've been born with a physical/mental disadvantage and if that wasn't hard enough already, I was also born into a very unsupportive environment; my parents didn't care and still don't, I've been pretty much on my own my entire life. I'm sure I could have 'made it' to something at least remotely resembling a normal, stable life if one of those disadvantages hadn't been present - preferably the environmental one. If you do not have a loving, supportive foundation in this world, you are almost guaranteed to fail. It isn't fair and it's pretty much the reason that I don't believe in karma.

Advising people not to compare oneself to others is so very easy to do when you don't have to compare yourself to others.

 

[Bruces]

I think most people compare

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel you. I also compare myself a lot to people around me and it has become a type of phobia for me to actually see happy people. I am scared of seeing happy people. I feel so miserable inside whenever I see someone happy thinking that I will never be able to have a happy life like that.
One thing you can do is to stay away from using FB too much. You don't want to see other people's pictures and they might have inconsiderately posted nice pictures of themselves that might make you feel miserable. Seeing mentally healthy people also makes me feel like an insect and makes me realize how disgusting I am. Even real life is dangerous too. That's one of the reasons why I stay away from being too close to people. I don't want to know about other people's happy normal lives.

This is so me. Whenever I see people doing well I get jealous. Another friend had told me she managed to have friends over. In the past 3 months I haven't done that. And then I get mad at myself and say "well why aren't you taking action? Stop wallowing in self-pity!".

I struggle with comparison a lot, yes. I agree with @Whisperinyourear that everyone/most get 'there' in due time and it's different for everyone. But one cannot seriously take a look around in this world and pretend some people don't have the deck stacked against them massively from the beginning (not accusing you of doing that, Whisper). There are so many people whose lives will be a struggle, who will have to fight a hundred times harder just to get a 'normal' life with a halfway decent job, financial independence and a romantic partner and it's all down to their birth. Being born with a disadvantage - whether it be environmental, physical or mental - is a massive stumbling block in this world. Bein born with multiple is an almost surefire way to become what is commonly considered a 'failure'.

I've been born with a physical/mental disadvantage and if that wasn't hard enough already, I was also born into a very unsupportive environment; my parents didn't care and still don't, I've been pretty much on my own my entire life. I'm sure I could have 'made it' to something at least remotely resembling a normal, stable life if one of those disadvantages hadn't been present - preferably the environmental one. If you do not have a loving, supportive foundation in this world, you are almost guaranteed to fail. It isn't fair and it's pretty much the reason that I don't believe in karma.

Advising people not to compare oneself to others is so very easy to do when you don't have to compare yourself to others.

This is so very smart. Thank you for sharing

Its a big reason why I want to CTB. Knowing that I will struggle more than anyone else, only to taste "normal" many years into my life. At least if I can die now, then I wont have to worry about that.

 

[KibblesNBits]

I struggle with comparison a lot, yes. I agree with @Whisperinyourear that everyone/most get 'there' in due time and it's different for everyone. But one cannot seriously take a look around in this world and pretend some people don't have the deck stacked against them massively from the beginning (not accusing you of doing that, Whisper). There are so many people whose lives will be a struggle, who will have to fight a hundred times harder just to get a 'normal' life with a halfway decent job, financial independence and a romantic partner and it's all down to their birth. Being born with a disadvantage - whether it be environmental, physical or mental - is a massive stumbling block in this world. Bein born with multiple is an almost surefire way to become what is commonly considered a 'failure'.

I've been born with a physical/mental disadvantage and if that wasn't hard enough already, I was also born into a very unsupportive environment; my parents didn't care and still don't, I've been pretty much on my own my entire life. I'm sure I could have 'made it' to something at least remotely resembling a normal, stable life if one of those disadvantages hadn't been present - preferably the environmental one. If you do not have a loving, supportive foundation in this world, you are almost guaranteed to fail. It isn't fair and it's pretty much the reason that I don't believe in karma.

Advising people not to compare oneself to others is so very easy to do when you don't have to compare yourself to others.

I feel this. I can't not compare myself to others when I am so inferior on every fundamental level. Even worse is that I could have been in a much better place, even physically, had I had the right support system from the start.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Honestly, this is why I love this site. I feel I find people who understand my pain at my deepest core. It is a happy feelings. Knowing many others like me exit around the world. I dont know what the answer is to anything. But.....maybe if I stop trying so hard maybe something might change

 

[Philosykos]

Honestly, this is why I love this site. I feel I find people who understand my pain at my deepest core. It is a happy feelings. Knowing many others like me exit around the world. I dont know what the answer is to anything. But.....maybe if I stop trying so hard maybe something might change

A while ago, I read a Quora question asking about what societies would look like if all MBTI types started a country of their own. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we did something like that indeed. Imagine all of SS getting on a ship, sailing to an uninhabited island and starting our own society from scratch. Imagine you could live in a world of kindness borne from understanding and acceptance on a deep, fundamental level.

 

[Torbasco]

I struggle all the time to accept that I'll never have a normal life. Everything was taken from me before I could even do anything about it and it kills me inside all the time. I just wanted to be normal, not messed up like this.

 

[KibblesNBits]

A while ago, I read a Quora question asking about what societies would look like if all MBTI types started a country of their own. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we did something like that indeed. Imagine all of SS getting on a ship, sailing to an uninhabited island and starting our own society from scratch. Imagine you could live in a world of kindness borne from understanding and acceptance on a deep, fundamental level.

If I had my health, this would be my dream goal. Absolutely. Trying to fit into society for me has always felt like trying to fit a square peg into a triangular space.

That being said, I'll say it again that I love this community. It angers me that people can accuse us of supporting pain and suffering. Everyone here deserves one of two things; a great life or a peaceful end. I hope we can all get what we seek.

I struggle all the time to accept that I'll never have a normal life. Everything was taken from me before I could even do anything about it and it kills me inside all the time. I just wanted to be normal, not messed up like this.

You're definitely not alone. I feel this way all the time and it's torture thinking about what could have been. Nay, *should* have been.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I struggle all the time to accept that I'll never have a normal life. Everything was taken from me before I could even do anything about it and it kills me inside all the time. I just wanted to be normal, not messed up like this.

Same :(

I think this concept is challenging to understand for some. Sure we can try and fight, but when you've been given a significant disadvantage there is only so much you can do

 

[Notwinnernotawin]

Yes. But mainly when other people do so. Like this person I'm related to, she has to rub on my face that my friends are about to graduate college, doing this and that and I'm stuck in time. Like it's my fault. She literally called me lazy on back the other day.