Does anyone here plan to live for awhile?

[Mr2005]

I did. That was a year ago. It's time I got on with it

 

[Astral316]

...and Elias. I am also court ordered, in the US. I bought the N, had it for 29 days and the cops got me and took the N. Was in custody for 17 days. They violated many rights. The resperidal in the unit made me unable to read more than 3 seconds and horrible restlessness. Literally pacing from wake up to falling asleep time. Got them to stop that poison. I got out, read my rights, and appealed. I donated to Mindfreedom International to get their Forced Drugging Defense Package, but that doesn't mean it will work. The public pretender was a joke. They wanted to put Invega in me by a shot and threatened to lock me up again to "monitor it", which was of course a lie. I talked them into letting me use Seroquel, took it in past. I can cope with its effects. But now she had me do labs to check if I was taking it. She will probably try to say I haven't, which will be a lie. They are trying very hard to lock me up again. That court is supposed to choose the "least restrictive option" at all times.

Sorry to hear you're in the cross-hairs of those savages. I was on risperidone, the restlessness was probably from akathesia. They're glorified torture pills is all. I get the Invega shot monthly, it does absolutely nothing but at least it doesn't have those negative side effects.

 

[bea1974]

I am hanging around for my dog. She is very old, and has chronic kidney disease, and is deaf. If I die, there's nobody in our lives who could adopt her, and she would end up in a shelter and probably die there. She'd hate that and I can't allow it. So, I'm here for as long as she is. She is 100% the love of my life.

When she tells me it's time, I have money saved for the vet to come here and give her the injection in her bed, with me by her side. Then, after giving her respectful funeral in the woods where we have so often walked together, it will be my turn. I have everything ready.

 

[Morphinekiss]

When I first joined SS I was adamant that I was waiting until my parents passed. Now I foresee only lasting another 2-3 years

 

[Cold]

I will be around for a few more years I think. Let's see what happens.

 

[RedAlert]

That is the only reason I am still around as well. My parents are nearing their 80's and it would kill them if i ctb now.

Same here, my parents will retire happy. If there is a God, i want to thank him for suicide...what a loving and great designer man! I'm gonna' praise God for all eternity for giving me the freedom to leave this world with dignity and honour intact. The law dictates that if i do it now the people i love will hurt deeply in the last few years of their lives. So i must carry my cross for now, i must receive more lashes and drink the bitter vinegar from my fellow man.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

My survival instinct is too great, so I expect a nasty exit as I get weaker from my condition

 

[snowball]

I hope to have some good years more ahead of me. I enjoy my life.

 

[Blackjack]

I hope to have some good years more ahead of me. I enjoy my life.

I would say that you are, fortunately, an exception here. Just curious why you're on SS? In Recovery?

 

[Wayfaerer]

Nope. Dead before 2020 or at the absolute latest jan 2020.

 

[Strangeasangels]

If i could find a reliable clean and painless method, I will be done but it is so damn hard.

My parents have been dead over 10 years, my siblings might as well be. I have nobody emotionally invested in me just superficial relationships with people. I have a job I used to love but we were acquired a couple of years ago and my role has diminished. I worked my ass of for this company and they showed their gratitude by bringing some woman in as my boss who has decided to audit all the areas I oversee and fire the agency I hired. MY job was really all i had to live for...and my cat but even she can't help me shake this feeling of being so lost and utterly hopeless.

 

[snowball]

I would say that you are, fortunately, an exception here. Just curious why you're on SS? In Recovery?

Hi Blackjack,
I am now 53 years old I had my ups and downs too in my life. But I have just no intention to leave in the near time. I am here because I want to have a peaceful death and I want to decide myself when it's time to leave. With every year I get older, the risk of health issues rise and I just want to be prepared. I am thankful I find the way to this forum, lovely people here and and I have read some postings which have really impressed me. But it's also hard to read how much some people suffer here. I think this forum is very important and I decided to join it.

 

[inthespines]

Hi all,

New member here. Found this site while looking up information on exit bags and I am glad I did. Been spending the last days just reading different posts on here and decided to register myself.

Anyway, yes I do plan to live for a few more years. The plan is to quit my job, sell and donate my stuff, make sure everything is prepared and then spend a year or so travelling the world on bicycle. Just one long vacation before it's time to go.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I hope to have some good years more ahead of me. I enjoy my life.

If you enjoy your life why do you want to die?

 

[RightToExit]

I don't want to plan far ahead. There's a list of things I want to do in the next several weeks, plus I'm still waiting for my propanolol.

After that, I'll just live day by day and see if I like it enough to stick around.

 

[snowball]

If you enjoy your life why do you want to die?

I don't.

 

[Painpleasure]

I plan to live for a while. Although I hate the situation I'm in there are atleast very few things I somewhat still enjoy. I honestly don't when I'll leave this planet but it is comforting to have the method ready. Doing so mean I chose to live on my accord and not have life shoved down my throat by force.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I don't.

Oh you're just preparing for when and if something happens to you? Try not to focus on that right now when you're alive because you're going to be wasting all of those precious moments worrying about death and that is no way to live.

 

[erehbus]

One year and a half - that is how long I have left. My Granpa is very old and very sick, so I expect he will no longer be around to feel this. I will move to another country for work, which will help me detach from my psychiatrist, family and friends. Being all alone, no possibility of traumatizing my family and friends by them finding my body and doing it alone, peacefully is all I want. I want to make sure that everyone knows that this was on me, not on them. That I was not enough for myself.

 

[snowball]

Oh you're just preparing for when and if something happens to you? Try not to focus on that right now when you're alive because you're going to be wasting all of those precious moments worrying about death and that is no way to live.

I do not really understand what you mean. And I am quite happy the way I live. And no, I do not waste myself, I never did.

 

[LonelyLight]

Sometimes I really really want to die. Sometimes I really really don't. Lately I've been feeling like I don't. But every day brings new feelings. It's an odd one. Honestly does make me wonder if people hung on would things get better. So many things to question really. But my opinion on suicide will never change. Ill always believe if it's time to go and if suicides how to do it then so be it.

 

[Boochky]

I mostly enjoy my life. But my situation has a stop date. I'm bipolar and can't work anymore. It typically takes like 2-3 years to get disability benefits. I'm getting money from California right now but that ends soon and I must as well. There is no one to help me.

 

[Sweet emotion]

If I were able to go to Italy I would hold off but I'm in too much pain because if my condition. I'd love to go see where my family came from. Visit Venice and Palermo. Go to Tuscany and Rome.

 

[Maravillosa]

I want to outlive my mother and successfully publish my novel before I ctb. I would also like to travel around Europe for at least two months if I ever get enough money to do so (I am on SSI). But sometimes ctb seems so attractive, so alluring — it can be hard for me to force myself to resist the temptation.

 

[a.h]

I mostly enjoy my life. But my situation has a stop date. I'm bipolar and can't work anymore. It typically takes like 2-3 years to get disability benefits. I'm getting money from California right now but that ends soon and I must as well. There is no one to help me.

Is there no welfare system there? Though if person can only afford to live in a small room that is their new home and eat macaroni, is too sick to leave home and has no hope for the better then I wouldn't really call that living either.

 

[Boochky]

Is there no welfare system there? Though if person can only afford to live in a small room that is their new home and eat macaroni, is too sick to leave home and has no hope for the better then I wouldn't really call that living either.

There is welfare but it's pretty much how you say and I'm screwed because I used to make ok money earlier this year so I don't think I qualify anyway. I'm in a state with good state healthcare but it's so expensive to live here. I can't afford to move and I don't own anything anymore so if I was in my own place, it would just be me on a floor in a new state with no healthcare. You can't afford housing with welfare. That's another program and another 3 year wait. That's why there's so many homeless in the US. I'd live in a mental hospital if we had any.

 

[a.h]

There is welfare but it's pretty much how you say and I'm screwed because I used to make ok money earlier this year so I don't think I qualify anyway. I'm in a state with good state healthcare but it's so expensive to live here. I can't afford to move and I don't own anything anymore so if I was in my own place, it would just be me on a floor in a new state with no healthcare. You can't afford housing with welfare. That's another program and another 3 year wait. That's why there's so many homeless in the US. I'd live in a mental hospital if we had any.

That's bad. Where I live there are no homeless people. Cities own and make lots of houses with cheap apartments to rent for people with lower income. They are even paid straight from basic welfare so alcoholics won't end up homeless.
But I still wouldn't call it living and people do lots of suicides here.

How come there are no mental hospitals there? I read from people here that most mental hospitals in USA are much worse than prison.

If I got justice in one thing I wouldn't be in this boat either.

 

[Tragoedia Vitae]

Yes, although I despise myself for it. I still have unfinished matters to take care of first, but I think about dying everyday. But honestly...I'm just waiting for that final push over the edge, that decisive leap into the abyss of despair. But who knows? Perhaps my end will come sooner than I anticipated.

 

[Boochky]

That's bad. Where I live there are no homeless people. Cities own and make lots of houses with cheap apartments to rent for people with lower income. They are even paid straight from basic welfare so alcoholics won't end up homeless.
But I still wouldn't call it living and people do lots of suicides here.

How come there are no mental hospitals there? I read from people here that most mental hospitals in USA are much worse than prison.

If I got justice in one thing I wouldn't be in this boat either.

I'm in California which is pretty much as good as it gets in the US. In San Francisco, people shit on the train escalators. Everyone complains about it, but nobody wants to spend any money on it because they don't feel people are worthy. They'd rather deal with shit and needles everywhere than engineer any sane solution. Americans are, as someone on here pointed out, kinder to animals than to each other.

There are no.hospitals because Regan closed them all. The idea was that people would be cared for in the community. But if you can't care for yourself, what do you do? When I'm sick, I struggle with the getting my meds right. I need a nurse. It all means you have to have family support. My mom asked me to swallow a bottle of Klonopin rather than stay with her. I can't even discuss it with a therapist because she could get in trouble and that's hard to handle.

I really hope you get justice. Thanks for caring.
Oh. The hospitals vary. I've been in about 6 times and almost all of them were good. One had a great buffet and really good people. I was almost raped and they kept me longer because I was too out of it to react. One was bleak and pointless and when my insurance asked for.my thoughts I let them know.

Sometimes it's like being here and you can connect with others.

 

[Ruffian]

I know this may sound silly but I want to experience one more autumn. I want to have one more Halloween because it's my favorite time of year. I set a date for myself. And I hope I have the balls to stick to it. I haven't killed myself yet because of my mom. I don't want to leave her alone and I'm her only child. But my physical condition is so severely painful and I've had it for 14 years already. I don't want to make it another year. The pain on top of the isolation is so depressing. I feel like I've been doing solitary confinement for a crime I didn't commit. My condition, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history and is called the suicide disease because there is no knowledge of it so there is no research. Doctors don't even know about it because they don't teach about it in medical school. It's the most inhumane condition I've ever seen. My friend who had it killed herself three years ago.

I'm sorry, I hit the love button, which Im not sure is appropriate, it was in reference to you wanting to have another fall, not your physical condition. It sounds awful.