Does anyone here hate themselves because of their skin color? black/brown

[deleted]

I learned at age 9 why girls always preferred blonde guys with blue eyes, the internet and television you can say the shit you want we're all the same and no one cares but our standard of beauty is white blonde and blue eyes and you see how far this is getting when even girls of your color prefer a white guy anyway, just pouring out some of my frustration at not being born into this standard of beauty

 

[cambrai33]

I have always hated conforming or trying to appease standards, you are unique for a number of reasons, the way you look is only a part of the person you are

They can stick the standards where the sun doesn't shine, the in crowd isn't all it's cracked up to be, basically a bunch of morons always competing with each other and feeling insecure

Be kind to yourself, if you can't do that be kind to someone else, both will lift you just a little bit

 

[4eyebiped]

When I look out in the world, I see people of all colors and variations in relationships. Some women date only within their race, some date only outside their race and some date anyone decent that treats them well. This master race stuff, or on the opposite being that all white people are bad, really isn't healthy. I have seen it in many places on this forum. When you focus on things like that, to whatever degree, you are holding yourself back. I have seen white men and black men both getting enough poontang that their wood is waterlogged.

Most likely your skin, eye and hair color isn't what is holding you back, but instead other factors. I have far too many black friends that are kicking ass and doing well in all aspects of life, but they all had good attitudes, are outgoing and had great character. I have quite the mixing pot of friends of all cultures (I prefer talking about culture over dumbing things down by race) and you see an easy trend of who is getting relationships and being successful and who is not. From my experience, skin, hair and eye color isn't the biggest factor.

Now keep in mind, one of my reasons for wanting to CTB is the lack of a relationship so do not consider me dismissing you and not understanding. While my face is about as pleasing to look at as it is sticking a thorn bush up your backside, I also have to take ownership that a lot of the reasons I am single is my fault.

In short, the biggest factor in successful dating is putting yourself out there, having good character, good dialogue, being interesting, treating someone well, and so forth. Everyone has a preference and not everyone is going to like you and there will be some that hate you. The average person has far more diverse taste in a mate than the basic cookie mold you mentioned. Best wishes to you and anyone else that is having issues finding a relationship.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I am a white guy, relatively tall, thin, and yes with blue eyes. My sex life has always sucked, and most women completely ignore me. It has more to do with social status (career, money, and personality) than personal appearance.
As a side note, I think there are a lot of beautiful, sexy black women, but they mostly seem to date exclusively black guys. Likewise, most white women stick to white guys, etc... People still in the 21st century tend to date within their demographic, often exclusively.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

that standard of beauty is overrated and overhyped

 

[Snake of Eden]

One sad thing about our reality is that things like skin color, ethnicity and beauty matters alot and it translate to low or high self esteem while developing and growing up. I dont claim to have a solution but i dont blame people for feeling less about themselves when their enviroment consistently confirm to them that they are not attractive enough. I think attitude somewhat started to change and people are revolting against the unattainable beauty standards that is going around but we have long way to go.
It is very uncomfortable subject for all of us wether on the benefiting or losing ends. It is just one more thing that sucks about our species that we have biases (genetic or environmental) that makes us prefer certain traits over others and deem them more beautiful or more repugnant. Being undesirable is the worst thing anything have to endure at no fault of their own. It is unrealistic to claim exterior beauty is overrated. In away it is but thats how our psyche works and when we cant get what we feel happy with then we will feel we are missing something crucial to our wellbeing and happiness. We are really shallow more than we like to admit but there is plenty of exception to this rule
To give an example I was pretty much open to date any ethnicity but throughout my dating history I cam to prefer one ethnicity which isnt my own. It happens my preferred ethnicity doesnt find me attractive mostly. I get asked why dont you date people from your own and my answer is because of very bad experiences dating my ethnicity i came to find them repugnant by the end. Which leaves me single and unable to date because I have find myself in a corner where I cant match with anyone. Thats life I guess

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I wish I was white, or even black. Being an Asian man sometimes feels like getting the short end of the stick in life. Pun intended. If you can't do math then you get none of the privileges of being rich and trying to be cool just leads to being accused of appropriating black culture which is apparently what a lot of Asian Americans get hate for. There's no winning here.

 

[rationalis]

I think a white guy, relatively tall, thin, and yes with blue eyes. My sex life has always sucked, and most women completely ignore me. It has more to do with social status (career, money, and personality) than personal appearance.
As a side note, I think there are a lot of beautiful, sexy black women, but they mostly seem to date exclusively black guys. Likewise, most white women stick to white guys, etc... People still in the 21st century tend to date within their demographic, often exclusively.

I think all the studies show that in America at least, black women have the hardest time attracting dating interest.

 

[Grey-zoner]

I think all the studies show that in America at least, black women have the hardest time attracting dating interest.

Definitely true, valid point. White men also tend to date white women almost exclusively (from the recent stats I've seen), and the same goes for black women with black men. Most people stay within their given ethnic and socio-economic group. White women probably have a "trophy status" though, given media representation and coverage, etc... I will say that as a white male of lower income the idea of me dating an attractive, higher-income white woman seems ludicrous--and I wouldn't consider myself particularly "bad looking" (for someone my age, at least--that's entirely another debate).

 

[hans0solo]

we live in a world full of prejudices and oppression. a big one is anti-black racism. as you mention, it leads people of color to hate themselves. this is a result of the repeated reinforcement of racist media. this is not people of colors fault. its white people and corporations fault. on the other hand, we live in an age where a growing number of POC are providing example of positive role models. and pride. being black, asian, fat, not conventionally attractive, short, etc. are not a reason to be ashamed. you can choose to recognize that the feelings you have of self-hate are not coming from yourself but from a racist society. you don't have to own them or allow them space in your mind. think of the great james brown who sung "I'm black and I'm proud". also of note is a recent documentary about the history of the disability movement. https://cripcamp.com/ As a part of that movement, its about trying to create pride for being who you are and not allowing society to see you as 'less than'.

 

[rationalis]

we live in a world full of prejudices and oppression. a big one is anti-black racism. as you mention, it leads people of color to hate themselves. this is a result of the repeated reinforcement of racist media. this is not people of colors fault. its white people and corporations fault. on the other hand, we live in an age where a growing number of POC are providing example of positive role models. and pride. being black, asian, fat, not conventionally attractive, short, etc. are not a reason to be ashamed. you can choose to recognize that the feelings you have of self-hate are not coming from yourself but from a racist society. you don't have to own them or allow them space in your mind. think of the great james brown who sung "I'm black and I'm proud". also of note is a recent documentary about the history of the disability movement. https://cripcamp.com/ As a part of that movement, its about trying to create pride for being who you are and not allowing society to see you as 'less than'.

Are you familiar with the network Black Entertainment Television? Do you ever listen to rap music?

 

[dustbiter]

when i was like 6 i told my (white) teacher i was sad bc i wished i was white and she got mad at me and told me to apologize.

 

[4eyebiped]

when i was like 6 i told my (white) teacher i was sad bc i wished i was white and she got mad at me and told me to apologize.

Let us see what Smokey Robinson has to say about that.

 

[finish.me]

yeah when I was younger I wanted to kill myself over not being the white idealised version of myself, I was and and still am an ugly fat black kid

 

[hans0solo]

Are you familiar with the network Black Entertainment Television? Do you ever listen to rap music?

could you mention why you mention those?

 

[rationalis]

could you mention why you mention those?

You first, dear.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

I'm Asian and I'm fond of northern/central European aesthetics+ cultures.
I don't mind my my own ethnicity but I wouldn't have babies with one to create more of that.

That's just preference.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I'm Asian and I'm fond of northern/central European aesthetics+ cultures.
I don't mind my my own ethnicity but I wouldn't have babies with one to create more of that.

That's just preference.

Glad to see a fellow Asian also interested in European culture. I'm starting to learn basic German on Duolingo at the moment, though its more of a hobby than a big commitment

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

Glad to see a fellow Asian also interested in European culture. I'm starting to learn basic German on Duolingo at the moment, though its more of a hobby than a big commitment

Hahah same. :)

 

[Insomniac]

I'm Asian and I'm fond of northern/central European aesthetics+ cultures.
I don't mind my my own ethnicity but I wouldn't have babies with one to create more of that.

That's just preference.

Asian?

most of the time, people use the term to design Japanese-Chinese-Korean and less frequently Malaysians, Vietnamese people etc, but even then, there are Asian people who look nothing like them (Indians, Indonesians, etc).

perhaps people think that the term "Asian" is specific enough but it really is not.

 

[ceserasera]

When I look out in the world, I see people of all colors and variations in relationships. Some women date only within their race, some date only outside their race and some date anyone decent that treats them well. This master race stuff, or on the opposite being that all white people are bad, really isn't healthy. I have seen it in many places on this forum. When you focus on things like that, to whatever degree, you are holding yourself back. I have seen white men and black men both getting enough poontang that their wood is waterlogged.

Most likely your skin, eye and hair color isn't what is holding you back, but instead other factors. I have far too many black friends that are kicking ass and doing well in all aspects of life, but they all had good attitudes, are outgoing and had great character. I have quite the mixing pot of friends of all cultures (I prefer talking about culture over dumbing things down by race) and you see an easy trend of who is getting relationships and being successful and who is not. From my experience, skin, hair and eye color isn't the biggest factor.

Now keep in mind, one of my reasons for wanting to CTB is the lack of a relationship so do not consider me dismissing you and not understanding. While my face is about as pleasing to look at as it is sticking a thorn bush up your backside, I also have to take ownership that a lot of the reasons I am single is my fault.

In short, the biggest factor in successful dating is putting yourself out there, having good character, good dialogue, being interesting, treating someone well, and so forth. Everyone has a preference and not everyone is going to like you and there will be some that hate you. The average person has far more diverse taste in a mate than the basic cookie mold you mentioned. Best wishes to you and anyone else that is having issues finding a relationship.

I get what you're saying here, but being black definitely makes it harder to date. Racism exists in society, and dating is not immune to it.
I feel like lots of my problems around my sense of self stem from my experiences of being a black woman. I used to get called an 'Oreo' a lot. Black on the outside, white on the inside. Ppl don't want to acknowledge the mental impact of racism yet though. I once heard someone say: 'I don't know how to make the world care about me as a black woman' and I relate to that a lot. It's a hard truth to swallow every day that I just don't matter. And tbh, there will be ppl who say: 'that's your own self loathing', but who taught me to hate myself?

 

[Insomniac]

I learned at age 9 why girls always preferred blonde guys with blue eyes, the internet and television you can say the shit you want we're all the same and no one cares but our standard of beauty is white blonde and blue eyes and you see how far this is getting when even girls of your color prefer a white guy anyway, just pouring out some of my frustration at not being born into this standard of beauty

I think it's an age thing. When I was younger, I used to feel the same but as I grew older, I started preferring my skin color and features as a black person.

Idk what ethnicity you're but most ethnic groups are really conservative. meaning that it's in our nature as humans to prefere our own genes and genes that resemble us. even if you say that you don't like the way you look, and even if "society" (btw I bet that the word "society" as you use it is mostly comprised of white people) says otherwise, your family will always prefer that you mary within your own ethnicity, regardless of where you're from.

It's normal/natural that TV and magazines mostly promote white genes since white people own these things.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

we should create a thing where it's illegal to call out people who identify as another race.

Wouldn't that be on the same level as gender identity legislations.

Why should people be forced to identify as whatever race they are allocated at birth?

If you can be whatever gender, you should also be able to identify as whatever ethnicity.

 

[rationalis]

we should create a thing where it's illegal to call out people who identify as another race.

Wouldn't that be on the same level as gender identity legislations.

Why should people be forced to identify as whatever race they are allocated at birth?

If you can be whatever gender, you should also be able to identify as whatever ethnicity.

Can't tell if you are serious. But in America, that is already happening. Dishonest white people claiming to be minorities.

----
A survey from Intelligent found that 34 percent of white students who applied to colleges and universities falsely claimed they were a racial minority on their application.

The publication found that 81 percent of students who faked minority status did so to improve their chances of getting accepted. Fifty percent of students who lied said they did it to get minority-focused financial aid.

More than a third of white students lie about their race on college applications, survey finds

A survey from Intelligent found that 34 percent of white students who applied to colleges and universities falsely claimed they were a racial minority on their application. The publicati…

thehill.com

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

Can't tell if you are serious. But in America, that is already happening. Dishonest white people claiming to be minorities.

----
A survey from Intelligent found that 34 percent of white students who applied to colleges and universities falsely claimed they were a racial minority on their application.

The publication found that 81 percent of students who faked minority status did so to improve their chances of getting accepted. Fifty percent of students who lied said they did it to get minority-focused financial aid.

More than a third of white students lie about their race on college applications, survey finds

A survey from Intelligent found that 34 percent of white students who applied to colleges and universities falsely claimed they were a racial minority on their application. The publicati…

thehill.com

I forgot as minority we have to kick out everyone else
for the purpose of securing special treatment to ourselves.

An interest-driven exclusive club huh?
No one gets in and no one gets out!

White kids pretending to be minority lol
That's the most American minority-propaganda I had ever come across.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I mean I identify way more as American than just Asian or even East Asian. I was already born in the US and never even visited the country my parents came from (Taiwan) until I was 18. I can't even speak Mandarin, only English.

 

[rationalis]

I forgot as minority we have to kick out everyone else
for the purpose of securing special treatment to ourselves.

An interest-driven exclusive club huh?
No one gets in and no one gets out!

White kids pretending to be minority lol
That's the most American minority-propaganda I had ever come across.

Thank you for understanding.

I mean I identify way more as American than just Asian or even East Asian. I was already born in the US and never even visited the country my parents came from (Taiwan) until I was 18. I can't even speak Mandarin, only English.

I know nothing about my family beyond my grandparents.

Ideally everyone should be proud of their families and their communities.

 

[4eyebiped]

I get what you're saying here, but being black definitely makes it harder to date. Racism exists in society, and dating is not immune to it.
I feel like lots of my problems around my sense of self stem from my experiences of being a black woman. I used to get called an 'Oreo' a lot. Black on the outside, white on the inside. Ppl don't want to acknowledge the mental impact of racism yet though. I once heard someone say: 'I don't know how to make the world care about me as a black woman' and I relate to that a lot. It's a hard truth to swallow every day that I just don't matter. And tbh, there will be ppl who say: 'that's your own self loathing', but who taught me to hate myself?

In your opinion, being black makes it harder to date in what sense? Are you saying other black people aren't dating black people or you don't find that enough non-blacks are dating blacks? If partly the latter, as someone else pointed out, not dating different cultures, or races, by default is not racism.

I would argue that being human makes it hard to date, even more so due to swipe culture, social media and less in person engagement. We are simply complicated creatures on so many mind boggling levels. Being an "ugly" human, visually and/or mentally, makes it even harder to date, and we all deal with that regardless of our shade. Having disabilities or being self defeating adds another layer in making it even harder, but this isn't a competition and each case is unique. I would rather us all approach it as "I am having a problem dating" than "everyone in this certain group is having a hard time dating". One has a better chance of finding a resolution.

Does racism exist along with the plethora of other ism? Absolutely and that will never change. We are human and there is, on average, an innate flaw to that, which I am not sure could ever fully be resolved. For anyone that experiences any form of hate, real or perceived, it has the potential to change them and affect them throughout their lives. Our parents often determine our resiliency and success in life and not everyone is lucky enough to have great parents as role models. It is even worst when people get trapped in negative echo chambers online where algorithms bombard you with a seemingly never ending playlist of whatever travesty you just watched. This could be anything and will give the impression of an epidemic no matter the content. The feedback loop caused by these echo chambers is enough to defeat even the strongest.

Your quote highlights one potential issue, who you are listening to. Certain people will ensure you will never progress. I recommend at least giving some of the following people a listen with an open mind. Thomas Sowells, see video in one of previous posts for Smokey Robison, Larry Elder, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Officer Tatum, Candice Owens, Anthony Brian Logan, Herman Cain, Don Cheadle and the list goes on. I do not claim these people to be perfect or infallible nor do I agree with everything they say and believe. Then again, that applies to everyone, it is okay to have some disagreements and still appreciate their core beliefs and values. There wouldn't be personal growth if we only dealt with clones of ourselves. These people, which happen to be black if that matters, have a completely different mindset on blacks than what the media, certain political parties and certain race hustlers push.

Keep in mind I am an "average" white male that by some of your descriptions should have me knee deep in the beaver pond. As mentioned elsewhere, a big part of my future demise will be due to loneliness. I say let us stop the competition of who has it worse and who has it better and instead acknowledge we all suffer from it. I am unaware of any group of people that is on the verge of extinction due to no one dating anyone in that group.

Have a wonderful day, beautiful person.

 

[ceserasera]

In your opinion, being black makes it harder to date in what sense? Are you saying other black people aren't dating black people or you don't find that enough non-blacks are dating blacks? If partly the latter, as someone else pointed out, not dating different cultures, or races, by default is not racism.

I would argue that being human makes it hard to date, even more so due to swipe culture, social media and less in person engagement. We are simply complicated creatures on so many mind boggling levels. Being an "ugly" human, visually and/or mentally, makes it even harder to date, and we all deal with that regardless of our shade. Having disabilities or being self defeating adds another layer in making it even harder, but this isn't a competition and each case is unique. I would rather us all approach it as "I am having a problem dating" than "everyone in this certain group is having a hard time dating". One has a better chance of finding a resolution.

Does racism exist along with the plethora of other ism? Absolutely and that will never change. We are human and there is, on average, an innate flaw to that, which I am not sure could ever fully be resolved. For anyone that experiences any form of hate, real or perceived, it has the potential to change them and affect them throughout their lives. Our parents often determine our resiliency and success in life and not everyone is lucky enough to have great parents as role models. It is even worst when people get trapped in negative echo chambers online where algorithms bombard you with a seemingly never ending playlist of whatever travesty you just watched. This could be anything and will give the impression of an epidemic no matter the content. The feedback loop caused by these echo chambers is enough to defeat even the strongest.

Your quote highlights one potential issue, who you are listening to. Certain people will ensure you will never progress. I recommend at least giving some of the following people a listen with an open mind. Thomas Sowells, see video in one of previous posts for Smokey Robison, Larry Elder, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman, Officer Tatum, Candice Owens, Anthony Brian Logan, Herman Cain, Don Cheadle and the list goes on. I do not claim these people to be perfect or infallible nor do I agree with everything they say and believe. Then again, that applies to everyone, it is okay to have some disagreements and still appreciate their core beliefs and values. There wouldn't be personal growth if we only dealt with clones of ourselves. These people, which happen to be black if that matters, have a completely different mindset on blacks than what the media, certain political parties and certain race hustlers push.

Keep in mind I am an "average" white male that by some of your descriptions should have me knee deep in the beaver pond. As mentioned elsewhere, a big part of my future demise will be due to loneliness. I say let us stop the competition of who has it worse and who has it better and instead acknowledge we all suffer from it. I am unaware of any group of people that is on the verge of extinction due to no one dating anyone in that group.

Have a wonderful day, beautiful person.

Algorithms on dating apps are by default racist. They are designed to bring up certain people's profiles more than others. There are studies that have shown that. People have 'preferences', but you have to ask what the motive behind these 'preferences' is. I don't understand why when someone brings up how their race has affected them it is always questioned. You wouldn't do that if someone was talking about sexuality and the difficulties they face as a result of that. Idk why racism is always suggested to be 'just in our heads'. It doesn't need you to dissect it but by bit. If someone says race has had an impact, then it has.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I would argue it largely depends on where you live. I think people struggle when they're out of place in general. I am white in a black majority area. I get clowned, I have been spat on. I would never dream of doing this to another person. But yes, this area depresses me so much that I have wanted to ctb a lot more since living here.