Help Does anyone have tips for "recovering" from chronic stress and being socially ostracized?

[asterisk3]

I have nowhere to turn to. Made an account in here to try and talk, but it gets harder and harder each day. It seems like I'm in constant heavy stress ever since I was a teen. Bullying, very difficult single parent, problems in school with learning, making friends and my appearance. Of course that escalated in my adulthood, even though I tried to fix it (in a wrong way, apparently). I feel like my mind isn't my own. Anything and everything is overwhelming. I can barely study and focus on it. I'm also really alone (which logically I wouldn't mind so much were it not for my terrible appearance which makes others look at me like a laughing stock).

I'm just so tired of this life. It seems like everything you can ever do or achieve is decided before you are even born. Be dealt a bad hand, game over for you. I really don't want to die and let the rational assessment of my current situation rule (can't do anything because I'm in this too deep, doesn't seem possible to get out of it and "feel better" as in not freaking out over things several times a day while having zero to no energy despite fixing diet, exercise schedule and trying meds, tea, medidation, virtually all the options really). I feel like I can only get better with some intense help, and realistically I will not have it even moreso when I don't even know what I need. I want to give up but need help.

Any comments are welcome.

 

[Uk2023]

I like your questions and will make an effort to follow this thread.

I don't have an answer just a comment and a question:

- I think the dealt hand is not just at birth but can be each week! Things can change for the better but you have to have a space in your mind to be open to and aware of the opportunity. I like to think a 10 pep minute talk with self each week can assist, like 'it's possible to have a better time of it and that's what I want this week, throw me something good to work with' you might have to do this daily so that it becomes a norm - to wire your mind to what's good? Instead of it being overwhelmed with what's bad. I unfollowed everyone on social media and only follow topics I like that interest me, or topics where I need help (self esteem, assertiveness, quieting the mind).

- your appearance. What is it that is so bad? I ask to understand, then hopefully assist/challenge your belief about it. I once supported a dwarf (they were comfortable with that terminology) anyway they felt everyone looked at them in disgust, I explained that you either get in there first and smile then quickly look away (just be a social smiler, give a smile first and look away before the person can respond) also I explained that due to their height the eye contact was predominantly with children who unfortunately do not have natural social grace yet. Kids are genuinely scared of something that looks different because they are developing and in their defence most worry that a disability is painful for the person.

 

[myownpetvirus]

I know this is going to sound cliche but PLEASE TRY MEDITATION

 

[leaf23]

I'm so sorry; that kind of stressed, depressed and overwhelmed feeling I can certainly relate to. You said you don't know what you even need? That sounds like you're at a loss on what other options there is? There are free mental health apps that could give you more comprehensive choices on how to manage and cope with what you're struggling with. I've tried (and still occasionally use) Woebot. It's okayish, not perfect (but what is ) and it's free! Wysa has good reviews too. Basically they're guided exercises in therapies and coping strategies.

 

[asterisk3]

I'm so sorry; that kind of stressed, depressed and overwhelmed feeling I can certainly relate to. You said you don't know what you even need? That sounds like you're at a loss on what other options there is? There are free mental health apps that could give you more comprehensive choices on how to manage and cope with what you're struggling with. I've tried (and still occasionally use) Woebot. It's okayish, not perfect (but what is ) and it's free! Wysa has good reviews too. Basically they're guided exercises in therapies and coping strategies.

The worst part is having no one in my life. Barely any family, no friends because I've been a shut-in for a long while (even if I'm now studying it's in-doors alone). To make it worse I'm really weird-looking. Not necessarily bad, but weird and "funny", so technically ugly and people notice (this is just a cope I'm actually ugly). So it's damn near impossible to easily make friends. Not like adults "make friends" they just have some bonds with work-related people, past people and whatnot... I regret isolating myself after being disappointed with how I was treated. I did have some people in the past. All gone now. This forum seems to be the best refuge. But I'll try Woebot.

I know this is going to sound cliche but PLEASE TRY MEDITATION

I've tried to meditate a few times and I know it might not make any sense to you but I'm just way too stressed. I'm too stressed to even focus on nothing in my head. If I let things "go" there's just tons of horrible stuff that appear and make me feel worse. Idk maybe I need some guidance or perseverance to do it better. I'm a fucking mess of a person.

I like your questions and will make an effort to follow this thread.

I don't have an answer just a comment and a question:

- I think the dealt hand is not just at birth but can be each week! Things can change for the better but you have to have a space in your mind to be open to and aware of the opportunity. I like to think a 10 pep minute talk with self each week can assist, like 'it's possible to have a better time of it and that's what I want this week, throw me something good to work with' you might have to do this daily so that it becomes a norm - to wire your mind to what's good? Instead of it being overwhelmed with what's bad. I unfollowed everyone on social media and only follow topics I like that interest me, or topics where I need help (self esteem, assertiveness, quieting the mind).

- your appearance. What is it that is so bad? I ask to understand, then hopefully assist/challenge your belief about it. I once supported a dwarf (they were comfortable with that terminology) anyway they felt everyone looked at them in disgust, I explained that you either get in there first and smile then quickly look away (just be a social smiler, give a smile first and look away before the person can respond) also I explained that due to their height the eye contact was predominantly with children who unfortunately do not have natural social grace yet. Kids are genuinely scared of something that looks different because they are developing and in their defence most worry that a disability is painful for the person.

I don't want to specify the appearance, but I just look bad overall, pretty stupid, heavily balding at a young age and some undisclosed prominent skin issues I'd rather not talk about. It's just bad. People look at me in the streets.

I'll try doing what you said. I just really hate not having anyone in my life. Family is bad. Friends are zero. Have nothing to look forward to in life. Everything's just really sad overall. This sucks and I hate this reality.

 

[dogthebenzohunter]

Have you seen a doctor to get prescribed anti depressants? If you can get one that works for you it will atleast take the edge off and you'll be able to see more clearly. But that can take months

Wish I had an answer for you but I only hope you can atleast find some comfort in that you're not alone in your feelings. We all have felt like this on this forum.

 

[myownpetvirus]

The worst part is having no one in my life. Barely any family, no friends because I've been a shut-in for a long while (even if I'm now studying it's in-doors alone). To make it worse I'm really weird-looking. Not necessarily bad, but weird and "funny", so technically ugly and people notice (this is just a cope I'm actually ugly). So it's damn near impossible to easily make friends. Not like adults "make friends" they just have some bonds with work-related people, past people and whatnot... I regret isolating myself after being disappointed with how I was treated. I did have some people in the past. All gone now. This forum seems to be the best refuge. But I'll try Woebot.


I've tried to meditate a few times and I know it might not make any sense to you but I'm just way too stressed. I'm too stressed to even focus on nothing in my head. If I let things "go" there's just tons of horrible stuff that appear and make me feel worse. Idk maybe I need some guidance or perseverance to do it better. I'm a fucking mess of a person.


I don't want to specify the appearance, but I just look bad overall, pretty stupid, heavily balding at a young age and some undisclosed prominent skin issues I'd rather not talk about. It's just bad. People look at me in the streets.

I'll try doing what you said. I just really hate not having anyone in my life. Family is bad. Friends are zero. Have nothing to look forward to in life. Everything's just really sad overall. This sucks and I hate this reality.

That's why you need it most. It's not about focusing on nothing it's become mindful of your thoughts

That's why you need it most. It's not about focusing on nothing it's become mindful of your thoughts

You should definitely give it a solid try it changed my life

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I'm sorry that you feel the way that you do friend. I don't know how helpful the following will be but I mean well.

Loneliness, and isolation. That shit is a killer, pure and simple. I like my own space but everyone has a breaking point when it comes to loneliness.

It's hard making friends as an adult. Been struggling with that myself recently. I've found a local place that does all sorts of 'geeky' stuff. Tcg's. Tabletop miniatures. Board games etc. and I've been forcing myself to go to as many events there as possible. And slowly but surely, I'm building bonds with people. It's a start y'know?

Obviously filter the hobby to taste, but equally don't be afraid of trying new things. If it's good it's good, and if it's not so good, oh well you tried.

I really hope you do find some peace whatever way forward you go.

 

[myownpetvirus]

Read "10% happier" meditation was absolutely the most effective treatment for depression for me

 

[asterisk3]

I've found a local place that does all sorts of 'geeky' stuff. Tcg's. Tabletop miniatures. Board games etc. and I've been forcing myself to go to as many events there as possible. And slowly but surely, I'm building bonds with people. It's a start y'know?

Obviously filter the hobby to taste, but equally don't be afraid of trying new things. If it's good it's good, and if it's not so good, oh well you tried.

I really hope you do find some peace whatever way forward you go.

Read "10% happier" meditation was absolutely the most effective treatment for depression for me

I suppose I'll give these a shot... they might work. Not like I can be picky with any of my options at this point. Thank you for the help and replies, I really do appreciate them. I think I also need to go outdoors more. Hiking on weekends? So I have some contact with nature. But I do need to manage the stress and be near some people. Thank you again, I'm not sure if I can do all of this but I'll try. Really don't want to have to CTB out of potentially solvable misery.

Have you seen a doctor to get prescribed anti depressants? If you can get one that works for you it will atleast take the edge off and you'll be able to see more clearly. But that can take months

Wish I had an answer for you but I only hope you can atleast find some comfort in that you're not alone in your feelings. We all have felt like this on this forum.

I've tried dozens of psych meds. Nothing works much and doesn't take care of the root issues for me. Some stabilizers help momentarily but I tend to gain weight with them and antidepressants and I'm already bananas about my appearance.

 

[Uk2023]

The worst part is having no one in my life. Barely any family, no friends because I've been a shut-in for a long while (even if I'm now studying it's in-doors alone). To make it worse I'm really weird-looking. Not necessarily bad, but weird and "funny", so technically ugly and people notice (this is just a cope I'm actually ugly). So it's damn near impossible to easily make friends. Not like adults "make friends" they just have some bonds with work-related people, past people and whatnot... I regret isolating myself after being disappointed with how I was treated. I did have some people in the past. All gone now. This forum seems to be the best refuge. But I'll try Woebot.


I've tried to meditate a few times and I know it might not make any sense to you but I'm just way too stressed. I'm too stressed to even focus on nothing in my head. If I let things "go" there's just tons of horrible stuff that appear and make me feel worse. Idk maybe I need some guidance or perseverance to do it better. I'm a fucking mess of a person.


I don't want to specify the appearance, but I just look bad overall, pretty stupid, heavily balding at a young age and some undisclosed prominent skin issues I'd rather not talk about. It's just bad. People look at me in the streets.

I'll try doing what you said. I just really hate not having anyone in my life. Family is bad. Friends are zero. Have nothing to look forward to in life. Everything's just really sad overall. This sucks and I hate this reality.

Ok I understand

It sounds like you're trying everyday and it's just you by yourself - I hope you have a moment each day where you notice and respect your own efforts! I try to smile to myself and feel pleased after doing a task.

A person to talk to each week could be good for you.

Is there a support/charity for the skin issue? They might have a website with advice, forums and support. They might have a number to call.

I don't know if you need/want a therapist or a mentor/buddy to chat with like once a week for an hour (we have voluntary buddy services like that, they will call you once a week for 3 months). Someone to call you would be good.

 

[NoHorizon]

I suppose I'll give these a shot... they might work. Not like I can be picky with any of my options at this point. Thank you for the help and replies, I really do appreciate them. I think I also need to go outdoors more. Hiking on weekends? So I have some contact with nature. But I do need to manage the stress and be near some people. Thank you again, I'm not sure if I can do all of this but I'll try. Really don't want to have to CTB out of potentially solvable misery.

It might sound cliché, but getting outdoors, particularly in green/blue spaces, is proven to be really beneficial for your well-being. While it of course won't solve your problems, an endorphin boost and a greater feeling of connection to the world can only be a good thing, even if it only helps 1%.

It sounds like you're taking some positive steps and doing your best, so please try not to be too hard on yourself (I know that's much easier said than done).

Lastly on the appearance stuff - looking different or "undesirable" doesn't mean you aren't just as deserving of love and kindness as everyone else. You might not receive it from others right now, but it isn't something you aren't entitled to because of how you look. I find if I keep reminding myself of that, sometimes it helps me stop being unkind or unloving to myself when I'm thinking horrible things about how I look.

 

[leaf23]

The worst part is having no one in my life. Barely any family, no friends because I've been a shut-in for a long while (even if I'm now studying it's in-doors alone). To make it worse I'm really weird-looking. Not necessarily bad, but weird and "funny", so technically ugly and people notice (this is just a cope I'm actually ugly). So it's damn near impossible to easily make friends. Not like adults "make friends" they just have some bonds with work-related people, past people and whatnot... I regret isolating myself after being disappointed with how I was treated. I did have some people in the past. All gone now. This forum seems to be the best refuge. But I'll try Woebot.

I'm so sorry for the way you feel right now, but I also really admire how proactive and open you are to finding and trying solutions to your problem .

About making friends/meeting people, adding to LookingOverTheEdge's suggestion, one way could be thru joining hobby clubs, volunteer groups. You mentioned maybe trying hiking, so a hiking group maybe? Anything that has a common point of interest, in other words.

I forgot to mention this before but one way I de-stress is to watch animal videos/documentaries. Bonus points if it's a cute baby animals video. Maybe it's because animals rarely have malice but sometimes I feel better watching these.

We also used to have emotional support animals we can pet in our school. Petting a dog is also proven to lower stress levels. I think there are even dog/cat cafes that take advantage of this fact.