Discussion Does anyone have luck finding friends who know they are suicidal?

[MarimbaKitten]

People who I thought I was close to always distance themselves when they learn I'm suicidal. It makes it impossible to have any kind of close relationships. I have to hide something that is a part of me and thus am not fully able to be myself (and consequently struggle to connect with people because I'm walling off who I am), and all it takes is one "slip-up" for someone to decide that the friendship is not worth their energy, regardless of how close we were beforehand. It's a recurring pattern in my life and frankly I don't feel inclined to go through the rest of life if this is all it's going to be.

Has anyone had success finding people who are truly supportive of who they are, regardless of views on whether one should be forced to stay in life?

 

[SilentSadness]

The only people who are okay with me being suicidal are suicidal themselves.

 

[PlasticFace]

I'm sorry that you're having trouble with this. If they leave just because you're suicidal, they were definitely not worth your time anyway. Most of my friends came from middle school and protected me from the bullshit I had to deal with. Other friends, I just gathered along the way. It's definitely trial and error when it comes to trying to find friends that support you. I've had significant others leave because they were scared of me being suicidal but I've also had significant others who were so overbearing, trying to protect me from myself. You have to find the sweet middle and I know you will. Again, I'm sorry you're having trouble right now.

 

[cogmachine]

only one person knows about my suicidality, and they are pretty understanding. rest of them are just aware of my dysfunctionality. it's more or less something that people don't like / want to bring up. i'd say it depends to what extent you bring it up, and in what manner you mention it to them. and people generally won't understand unless they've been through it themselves, as much as they say they can empathize with someone.

 

[MarimbaKitten]

If they leave just because you're suicidal, they were definitely not worth your time anyway.

I get this a lot from my therapist and the one friend I have who has stuck by me, but frankly at this point it feels like it doesn't really matter. At the end of the day I still lost a friend and it was still because of who I am and my struggles. If it happens once, sure, but when it's a recurring pattern that calls into question whose issue it really is.

 

[JustSomeoneOnline]

In my experience the only people who stick around you even after knowing you're suicidal are suicidal people themselves. They want to vent about how terrible their life is and in all fairness I do too. I've only had 2 such friends in my lifetime and both of them were short-lived.

One of them was a couple years younger than me, he would show me his sh scars and complain about how bad his life was while I listened. At some point he just kept saying how he wanted to switch places with me and live my life because what I had gone through was nothing compared to him. I broke off my friendship with him after a few months. TBH I never really understood how bad his situation was cause every time I talked abt something terrible that happened to me he would just say he's "been through worse" and never elaborate.
The other friend I had was the same age as me, after talking we found out we have a lot in common. We would both vent to each other and the friendship was great. Although I think both of us felt invalidated by each other's comments it mostly had to do with our own self esteem. The only problem was that she was very openly "expressive" about her desire to not exist. It wasn't direct enough for it to be serious but it would definitely raise some eyebrows. The both of us also had another non-suicidal friend who never knew about how suicidal we were. Eventually non-suicidal friend got way too suspicious and decided to tell someone about us which ultimately landed me in a psych ward for the first time. I have not been in contact with either friend since.

Moral of the story, it might not be healthy to find suicidal friends and most non-suicidal friends either distance themselves or rat you out.
(keep in mind, its just my personal opinion.)

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

People who I thought I was close to always distance themselves when they learn I'm suicidal. It makes it impossible to have any kind of close relationships. I have to hide something that is a part of me and thus am not fully able to be myself (and consequently struggle to connect with people because I'm walling off who I am), and all it takes is one "slip-up" for someone to decide that the friendship is not worth their energy, regardless of how close we were beforehand. It's a recurring pattern in my life and frankly I don't feel inclined to go through the rest of life if this is all it's going to be.

Has anyone had success finding people who are truly supportive of who they are, regardless of views on whether one should be forced to stay in life?

I have one friend who understands this part of my life, she is also chronically suicidal and is a strong believer in the right to choose as well. We have a partnership actually, she'll let me CTB with her if it gets to be her time. Neither of us have anyone else in our lives we can be that honest to.
Most of my loved ones do know I'm suicidal to some degree, but I am pretty good at masking, my entire personality is essentially performance. But I still get by.
She's basically the only person I can drop it around. I hadn't ever met someone who I felt understood me that well in my life, I feel very lucky I met her.
I wish she didn't have to suffer too... but just wishing and thinking about what's gone wrong in the past won't help anything in the future, we support eachother as best we can in this horrible world.

There are people like you in the world, they're just hiding it the same as you are.

 

[downndone2]

Agreed that the only I share with are the people who already are. Sometimes I'll let someone know I'm depressed and see no way out and will have them ask if I am. I just say I am not

 

[OutOfTheVoid]

ive made friends on this site. if youre trying to find irl friends tho, that can be very difficult. i gave up on irl connections myself, most ppl are pro-life and dont understand suicidal ppl, plus it can (understandably) stress other ppl out to have a suicidal friend.

 

[MoriLori]

I think it depends on the person. Most people are scared of that topic and want nothing to do with it. I mean I totally understand that it's a difficult topic, not everyone knows how to handle it. And if that's the case, maybe it's better to NOT be friends with that person. It just sucks when someone acts all empathetic like "Oh, you can tell me EVERYTHING, I will always be there for you!" but the moment you tell them about your suicidal thoughts, they abandon you. And sadly, that's the case most of the time. Especially with non-suicidal people.
Personally, most people who were understanding of my suicidal thoughts had mental health issues as well. But still, it's so sad that I have to be so careful about that topic and that I have to basically hide that part from others just so they won't abandon me.

I'm sorry you have to go through that struggle. You're definitely not alone with that. It's incredibly hard to find people who won't judge you for that, but I don't think it's impossible.

 

[JudasIscariot]

Such friends only seem unattainable due to unfortunate circumstances, such as group treatment or coercive organizations, i.e. inpatient psychiatric treatment. Not the best way to meet others, although it can be a support certainly.

 

[Aisley]

Almost all the people in my life know where I'm going and what I'm doing, ctb-wise. But I have a way of asserting myself, of laying my shit out like it's unassailable concrete. I don't know how else to say that. That being said, I don't wave it under their noses all the time. What're they supposed to do with that? People really don't know. They usually think they need to say something, "save a life" so to speak. Go easy on them, cuz they really don't know. Manage your expectations, is what I'm saying. Second time I've said this today, but you can never un-say something. You can only regret your words after.

 

[dunwitit]

I do have a friend that I can talk to honestly. They also struggle terribly at times with the hopelessness of this life.
I hope you find folks you feel a connection with.

 

[Foxes]

People who I thought I was close to always distance themselves when they learn I'm suicidal.

People always tell you that you can talk to them, but I've found that there's always a limit to how much they can handle and take in, especially when they've never experienced depression themselves. You quickly get written off as "negative", "a lost cause", "toxic", or "bad vibes." I understand that it can be stressful and a bummer to listen to, but it still sucks to try be open with someone at your most vulnerable and have them pull away. Especially if they're someone you thought you could trust and confide in. I can see it from both perspectives, though.

I've learned to mostly keep to myself now. I do have one very dear friend I can safely turn to about this stuff and am so grateful for it, but as everyone else has already mentioned in the thread -- she's highly suicidal and is always in and out of the psych ward herself.

That being said, this forum has been a much needed source of comfort to me this past week when things have felt truly unbearable and I've had no one to turn to.

I hope you can find others with whom you can safely connect to and confide in. Big hugs to you.