Fadinglife
Student
- Apr 16, 2019
- 109
That you are at the stage where you don't have to explain or justify reason to leave even to people who are close who are aware of your condition? Those who is capable of understanding would understand putting themselves in same place and having same mental illness as me to imagine what it is like as in crying silently or people around getting annoyed at me seeing crying sometimes or panicking being anxious, flashbacks, while those who don't feel it's okay yell at me tell to shut up or rein it in or fear of things would be worse if i don't or judge, dismiss, harsh and condescending or downright ignorant or arrogant. Lots of thoughts run in mind that i don't feel like saying for some reasons because it's hard for them even fanthom the depths of pain being in my place not just environmentally but holistically impact on emotional and mental well being often affecting physically too, which in turn is a mix of being trapped, never having chance of exit on my own and it's correlation with my principles and values like dignity or how their acts affect me or how triggers are for mental illness, little things like only source of connection (which makes me carry on, heal and stability because of bonds i have with loved ones) devices not working and hassle of getting it fixed in my state or region's environment for market or troubles due to missing part or company stopped working etc has on me, some don't understand mental illness and it's impact on me and i don't wanna bring them down or impact their well being in a negative way, wanting to be strong for them or taking care of my loved one (which is my priority and enjoy doing it) still kind of feel lonely with these thoughts and alone in it as like i cannot fall as then all is gone, just misery and balancing is so tough. I don't know what to say anymore. My breaths are shallow due to panic attack and i need some understanding and comfort from my community here.
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