does anyone feel really embarrassed to CTB

[Partial-Elf]

Oh dang... can't you delete your history though?

I can, but is it ever really deleted? If they want law enforcement can get it and phone companies have it. Hard to know

 

[Ruffian]

Your suicide won't make the newspapers unless it's by jumping. And even then it's a maybe. I've seen some Reddit threads where people discuss being stuck in traffic jams after suicide jumps, and are rather surprised when they don't see anything about the suicide in the next day's newspaper.

Hey thanks for this post. My cousin jumped and died years ago, and I can't find anything about him. Not even his grave, which I know he would at least have a small stone even if he was cremated. I feel like his presence has been scrubbed from the Earth.

I just remember he was that cool "older" cousin who mocked my taste in music and then turned me on to Zeppelin, The Who, The Talking Heads, and I was off to the races. Oh yeah., and weed. Ha ha. Then I had a bf into every punk group of the early to mid 80s I remember Henry Rollins with long black hair, an awesome body, just screaming Black Flag songs. He was hot as shit, sorry if that comment offends someone in the next 6 minutes let me know and I'll take it out.

I love that he does these "spoken word" things now and young people get him. He's much more interesting than Joey Diaz, imho if we're talking older dudes young people seem to like. Ok, I really veered off the topic of the thread - I'll just always remember my cousin taught me how to be "cool" about music and to be open-minded about stuff. It's harder now, but I still try on newer artists.

I wish someone in my dysfunctional family might have thought it would be a good idea for us to talk with one another about pain and depression. I guess it never occurred to them it may have been helpful.

 

[LifeOver]

There's no reason to feel really embarrassed about ctbing since you have left this world anyway so why give a damn what goes on in this world?

However, a failed ctb would be a different story. I can just imagine how I am going to explain myself in front of my family. Everyone who knows me would probably be saying, "Isn't that the idiot who tried to kill himself?" behind my back. My family would probably check my internet history too, rubbing salt on my already miserable life.

 

[Lookingforabus]

However, a failed ctb would be a different story. I can just imagine how I am going to explain myself in front of my family. Everyone who knows me would probably be saying, "Isn't that the idiot who tried to kill himself?" behind my back. My family would probably check my internet history too, rubbing salt on my already miserable life.

YMMV, but that wasn't my experience, and I've never met anyone with that experience, either. An unsuccessful suicide attempt isn't anything I'd recommend, for many reasons, but friends and family calling you stupid isn't one of them.

 

[LifeOver]

YMMV, but that wasn't my experience, and I've never met anyone with that experience, either. An unsuccessful suicide attempt isn't anything I'd recommend, for many reasons, but friends and family calling you stupid isn't one of them.

My parents had a friend who failed a ctb attempt and they once talked to me about that guy as if he were a joke while laughing.

 

[kappa]

Why are you worried about internet history? Don't you have a password for both phone and computer? Also use the private setting on browsers.

 

[Rugnificent]

Yeah, won't lie it makes me feel even more pathetic. But I won't care I'll be dead.

 

[ihatepain]

I'm really anxious about dying. I'm currently obsessing over every stupid thing I've ever said/ done and I'm worried that the police are going to find out and it will be discussed in relation to my death and everyone will make fun of me. Please tell me I'm being excessive??
Also, my privacy will be somewhat respected, right?? My name isn't going to be immediately published in the newspaper (I'm assuming my family would prevent this anyway). I hate the fact that other people will have to be involved after my death and I'm going to make so much work for the police, my psychiatrist, etc.

I'm actually very proud that I'm going to ctb and I hope I will set an example for others to follow. I believe suicide is one of the most honorable things a person can do. I would never want to die another way besides suicide.

 

[AtomicNewt]

This thread... Yes. So much yes.

My best friend committed suicide and it seemed like everyone came out of the woodworks to say how much they loved her, when they hardly knew her name. The funeral was packed with so many strangers that were legit texting and laughing during the ceremony. I hate the amount of "care" that people show after someone dies. Gawd knows they all needed several days of "healing" afterwards too. It was quite disgusting.

People truly are revolting aren't they. Surely they must realise how mendacious it makes them look? Although perhaps they do and don't care, as when I observe such behaviour it almost seems to be some sort of perverse competition. When my best (and only close) friend died I found myself "comforting" people I knew didn't even know her that well, let alone know the real wonderful woman that died. And did anyone ask how I was feeling and coping? Did they hell.

Suicide:

Before you die... you are being boring/annoying/melodramatic/in need of "pulling your socks up"/just generally to be avoided like the pain in the arse you are

After you die... You were wonderful/beautiful/nobody knew you were suffering/everyone wishes they could have helped/they miss you chronically...

 

[vonvonwantpeace]

no i dont care anymore. :)

 

[k75]

Unfortunately, dead people lose the right to privacy. That's just the way it is.

However, you're probably worrying too much over nothing. Unless you take yourself out in some fantastically spectacular fashion or become super famous real fast or have some major skeletons in your closet, there probably won't be media coverage.

Maybe there will be an obituary tucked away somewhere, but those are rarely bad. If you're really worried about that, leave a note asking your family to respect your wishes and not post one or write your own and hope they use it.

And for what it's worth, most of the time, people don't include pictures. And when someone dies, people tend to focus on the good things and exaggerate that. I've seen some of the most unpleasant people practically become saints after they died.

 

[nevermore]

I feel like I've failed at life. I wish that there was a way that I could have overcome my demons, but I've tried numerous ways to fight the battle of my life, but my mind and body cannot take any more blows. I'm just about done. I know I have a life that some would say is worth living, but past trauma, which led to mental illness, has won. I'm devastated just thinking about how my love ones will feel once I'm dead, but I cannot go on for much longer just for them. I feel bad for all the people that have tried to help me, but I know on some level that I have always been beyond help. The damage had already been done a long time ago. To say I'm scared to die is an understatement, but I'm also looking forward to being no more. I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry for not having the inner strength to continue. This is not how I thought my life would have turned out. As my end date is fast approaching, I feel.... well I'm not exactly sure. Lost maybe. I've had a good run, but all things come to an end. Much love to you all. I'm sorry you all have found yourself here.

Exactly what I'm feeling right now. I'm really convinced the "good times" are long gone, and there's really no future for me.

 

[Verklempt]

Yes, I am paranoid about it as well. I'm highly anxious of photographs of myself posted in newspapers or online media. I would hope my family would not release such details, and deny all outside media interest.

I seldom use my real name online. I always go by an alias. So, I guess its unlikely that any of my online friends will ever connect the death to me, unless it was a method that is unusual and characteristic to someone like myself, in addition to my location.

omg me too, i thought i was the only one who was anxious of this. it's a nice feeling that i wasn't the only one that thought of that