Does anyone feel like me?

[LivDeans]

Hi, I am completely new here. I found myself yesterday looking online for people who feel like I do, and then I came across this website, only one I found thats open and ok with how I feel I guess. so it fits.

anyway, I feel every emotion so much! I have BPD and its just so strong, I think about killing myself all the time, I have tried but failed, I ament sure if I didn't give it 100 percent because maybe some part of me didn't want to die, but if that was the case why do I think about it so much?!

I have a kid, so my whole world thinks I am happy and ok, but its all lies. I wish I could just end it, but I am scared and don't know which way to go. I am scared, ill admit that, but I want it so badly. I just wish I knew what would happen after I died, ya know? like would I even be missed, would anyone care, what would happen, what would people say...

then I worry If I try and I fail, will they take my daughter away from me obviously I don't want that. I don't want my child taken. so everything is just so hard and confusing.

 

[AndyCurious]

Hi, I am completely new here. I found myself yesterday looking online for people who feel like I do, and then I came across this website, only one I found thats open and ok with how I feel I guess. so it fits.

anyway, I feel every emotion so much! I have BPD and its just so strong, I think about killing myself all the time, I have tried but failed, I ament sure if I didn't give it 100 percent because maybe some part of me didn't want to die, but if that was the case why do I think about it so much?!

I have a kid, so my whole world thinks I am happy and ok, but its all lies. I wish I could just end it, but I am scared and don't know which way to go. I am scared, ill admit that, but I want it so badly. I just wish I knew what would happen after I died, ya know? like would I even be missed, would anyone care, what would happen, what would people say...

then I worry If I try and I fail, will they take my daughter away from me obviously I don't want that. I don't want my child taken. so everything is just so hard and confusing.

I know exactly how you feel, we are in the same boat there.. It's so hard for me to make up my mind, even when knowing what I really want.. Hugs xxx

 

[worldexploder]

Welcome to the website! I was searching for the same thing when I found this. A lovely group of people. Open and accepting.

 

[LivDeans]

Andy, your the sweetest! I hope you find so much happiness I really do! xxx

 

[LivDeans]

Welcome to the website! I was searching for the same thing when I found this. A lovely group of people. Open and accepting.

thank you! I am glad I ament the only one! nice to meet people who get me and don't judge. and its great to be able to be open with people rather than scared of what I say

 

[Susannah]

Welcome. This site is the only place I can tell about my feelings, and my longing for not living. It's a huge tabou to discuss suicide, I will never understand why. Being a philosopher by heart, and interested in religions (not a true believer myself), I find it very strange and unatural that our society is so scared of talking about death.

 

[Empty RN]

Sounds like a very tight place to be in. I had a younger brother who also had a child and took his life not too long ago. I think if your attempt was unsuccesful and you were caught you'd be sent to a psychiatric hospital to get help but they wouldn't take away your child. My mother attempted a few times and was placed in a psychiatric hospital for a while growing up. She ended up still caring for us later on. If you can, set up arrangements for your daughter. Someone you know will take really good care of her. My brothers son was passed around a little bit for a while after everything took place.

 

[Virgo]

I'm the exact opposite.

 

[LivDeans]

Welcome. This site is the only place I can tell about my feelings, and my longing for not living. It's a huge tabou to discuss suicide, I will never understand why. Being a philosopher by heart, and interested in religions (not a true believer myself), I find it very strange and unatural that our society is so scared of talking about death.

I agree with everything you said so much! its so sad that we have to hide how we truly feel. thank you for the welcome!

 

[LivDeans]

I'm the exact opposite.

Do you mean you feeling nothing? I wish I felt nothing, but I haven't ever felt nothing so it might actually be worse than feeling everything, it's so hard isn't it?

 

[LivDeans]

Sounds like a very tight place to be in. I had a younger brother who also had a child and took his life not too long ago. I think if your attempt was unsuccesful and you were caught you'd be sent to a psychiatric hospital to get help but they wouldn't take away your child. My mother attempted a few times and was placed in a psychiatric hospital for a while growing up. She ended up still caring for us later on. If you can, set up arrangements for your daughter. Someone you know will take really good care of her. My brothers son was passed around a little bit for a while after everything took place.

Yeah it feels like one :( its not great at all, pretty lonely too. I would hope it wouldn't fail but who knows.. I guess Theres only one way to find out is there! sorry about your brother, its sad to see others go, I lost many family and friends to suicide, I miss them dearly, but I am also a bit jealous.. as crazy as that sounds! yeah ill definitely do that. thank you

 

[Virgo]

Do you mean you feeling nothing? I wish I felt nothing, but I haven't ever felt nothing so it might actually be worse than feeling everything, it's so hard isn't it?

Not that I feel nothing. Just that I don't feel much. Life still isn't worth living this way.