Does anyone feel about suicide the same way you might feel looking out over a cliff ?

[Msvr]

In french there is a phrase "L'appel du Vide" that is the "Call of the Void." This is used to descibe a common phenomenon, where when looking out over the edge of a high location, many people get the urge to jump, despite not being suicidal. Just the realization that you theroretically could, but of course you wouldn't. Does anyone else feel about suicide this way ? I don't fully want to ctb I think. But I have a full N2 setup and SN protocol at home. I think about using them constantly, multiple times a day for 2+ years. And I may have came close to using them a couple times, but for the most part the thoughts are just an "unserious" constant nag. Not really too sure how to explain it perfectly.

 

[tonicer]

I think having the option to end it gives some sort of insurance that if it all gets too much to handle you still have some sort of control. I am not a control freak but i despise drugs not because they would make me an addict but because they reduce or even remove control over my faculties. That's why my method is jumping from a great height so i get to feel weightless at least for a few seconds before it's all over and i can finally rest. My only issue is that i have a couple of things on my bucket list and i can't go while my parents are still alive so i have to fight my way out of bed each morning and try to function somehow.

 

[scary]

There is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to ctb. Most people don't want to do the act of ctb, as most of the time its a scary or painful experience depending on the method. Maybe that's what you're feeling? I want to die (why else would I be on here?) but my anxiety makes my SI stupidly high and I know a lot of the methods will be uncomfortable.

 

[Msvr]

There is a difference between wanting to die and wanting to ctb. Most people don't want to do the act of ctb, as most of the time its a scary or painful experience depending on the method. Maybe that's what you're feeling? I want to die (why else would I be on here?) but my anxiety makes my SI stupidly high and I know a lot of the methods will be uncomfortable.

I think this might be perfectly how I feel. If I had a way to just snap my fingers and instantly move onto whatever, if anything, is next I probably would.