Does anyone ever get random panic attacks about not being able to commit suicide?

[orangepotato]

It's completely random and irrational...

But last night I was panicking about what if I woke up blind tomorrow morning and couldn't ctb because of it. I have no idea what I'd do.
Or what if I woke up completely paralyzed? I guess I could still starve to death, but that'd be a really horrible way to go.

It's completely irrational, but I'm terrified of being stuck in a situation where I want to die but am unable to do it any more. It almost makes me want to preemptively kill myself while I can to preclude myself from being stuck in that kind of situation in the future.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Yes I totally do because I want to be in control of my own death in case really bad circumstances happen

 

[FreedomInDeath]

I feel this because I am so anxious about CTB but want to die badly as well. It feels like being trapped in your skin and wishing you could rip it off. A perpetual angst. It is hell.

 

[faust]

All these thoughts come from a sick mind.
Recently I thought what will happen if I die tonight and who will clean all this mess in my room.
The worst thing is to be presented to the hospital having no savings at all. I was in emergency department, I don't want to return there again...

 

[Ardesevent]

I feel that way too. It'd be a nightmare to get into a situation where it's even impossible to die anymore.

 

[Blue Starz]

I understand you; I too fear either getting old & disabled, or possibly having some awful incident happen to my body to the point I can't even take matters into my own hands anymore.

Of course almost every time I've tried in the past, something sabotages it anyway.

I don't think it's irrational; you're just trying to think steps ahead, like people do when playing chess, but this is obviously on a much grander scale.

 

[Thebuddhacel]

I woke up blind tomorrow morning and couldn't ctb because of it.

I thought it was just me.

 

[Overnoutofhere]

Yes, I need a partner, that would help. I don't want to die alone or make an online scene

 

[Pryras]

I was just thinking about this yesterday. I'm terrified of living to old age or being in a position where I can't take my life and make the decision myself. It's a game of procrastination, and I'm suffering

 

[Nem]

When I first became sick I had no concerns about leaving this earth and had a failed attempt. If I were to screw things up so bad so as to have to be completely taking care of...that would be a complete nightmare
Peace/hugs

 

[mediocre]

Yes I do regularly. Full on anxiety attacks. Feeling like I'll never be able to do it. It's like a cycle I want to do it I attempt it back out feel bad and repeat.

 

[toomuchtimetodie]

I have always been afraid of suicide because life has always been against me I have extreme panic that I'll just end up paralyzed. After years of pondering endlessly I have concluded I can only find out. And am dragging out the inevitable sticking around like a spare part by suffering almost as much as I would be on life support.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Panic attacks - no
But sometimes when something is stopping me from killing myselfI feel a sense of dread

 

[wait-for-the-bus]

It's completely random and irrational...

But last night I was panicking about what if I woke up blind tomorrow morning and couldn't ctb because of it. I have no idea what I'd do.
Or what if I woke up completely paralyzed? I guess I could still starve to death, but that'd be a really horrible way to go.

It's completely irrational, but I'm terrified of being stuck in a situation where I want to die but am unable to do it any more. It almost makes me want to preemptively kill myself while I can to preclude myself from being stuck in that kind of situation in the future.

I have fears like that but in a different way. I have chosen full suspension. And I have this irrational fear that I will be hanging and never loose consciousness. I may loose the sense of pain, but I am aware of everyone around me.

 

[liberty_222]

Yes I'm panicking rn because my parcel of sn has gone missing

 

[FuneralCry]

It is not irrational to have fears of that. It is my worst nightmare being in a position where I need to ctb but I cannot and there is no way to escape all of the pain and suffering. The scariest part is that this can happen, our bodies can torture us. It is cruel how the society denies the option for euthanasia even if someone is paralysed and in severe pain.

 

[Ta555]

I have fears like that but in a different way. I have chosen full suspension. And I have this irrational fear that I will be hanging and never loose consciousness. I may loose the sense of pain, but I am aware of everyone around me.

Full suspension is my method too and I also have this fear that I won't lose consciousness and that it won't work!