does anyone else want to enjoy life but just can’t?

[thedevilwithin]

i've lived through some very traumatic things and a lot of the time i do want to ctb. however, at times i do see the value of life and if my life had the right circumstances i do believe i could be happy. i'm not even talking about a lavish life with enormous amounts of money, just enough to be comfortable. id love a nice quiet home within nature, a partner, and a dog. sitting on my front porch admiring the beauty of the sky above, the tall trees, the sounds of birds chirping. it's so hard to explain this feeling but does anyone else understand? as i'm writing this it's sort of dawning on me that the root cause for me is society and people. the system that is our day to day "life" is what tears me into pieces.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I don't want any part of life, existence, consciousness , this world , this universe .

To me it's all meaningless evil and extreme torture

 

[thedevilwithin]

I don't want any part of life, existence, consciousness , this world , this universe .

To me it's all meaningless evil

i understand. the other part of me feels that way as well. some days i don't see an ounce of good in anything. fuck it all.

 

[LifeIsBS]

if i am allowed to die whenever i want and also be allowed to live/work wherever i want with enough time to do things for myself then for me i guess life can be worth experiencing.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I want to enjoy life but the issue is that I can only enjoy life if I am in the 1%. I can't enjoy life as a wage slave. I can only enjoy life if I am a neet and didn't have to deal with work and responsibilities but sadly being a neet is impossible hence I should ctb

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I get fairytale ideas about who I might have been sometimes. Mainly around having a partner. Similar ideas really. Nothing massively lavish. Just to be well enough off not to be so stressed and to be able to have a reasonable work, life balance and share that with someone else.

I think it's all delusional though. Not sure I even fit that kind of life anymore. Plus, I think it would be worse to feel like this and be with someone.

 

[Death is my goal]

no

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

More like this for me: I finally can enjoy life and found my purpose but now I have to kill myself.

 

[lacrimosa]

I can enjoy sensual pleasure such as eating or having a hot shower but as far as anything else, my mental illness (which causes me to be extremely hypervigilant among other things) stops me from allowing myself to do things outside the house. I am a prisoner in my own home. Despite this, it could be worse. I have my cat and creature comforts and am a homebody anyways.

What sucks is when I am forced to leave and face the world.

It's like death is behind every corner and it is torturous and I can't wait to go back home.

If I didn't have the support of family, I would have CTB a long time ago.

My life is purposeless and the economy is going further down hill in my country and finding a remote (at home) job is nearly impossible. Thankfully, there is social assistance but that only covers my basic needs.

So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, but... this has been my reality since my mental health shit the bed at age 15 so... I am so used to it, I just grin and bear it.

 

[UKscotty]

I think the natural normal state is to want to enjoy life and be happy.

However, depression makes us suicidal, takes away hope and removes happiness.

 

[b1cycle]

I got a motorcycle and hiking gear and stuff like that in the hope I find some joy in them and give a meaning to my lif. When I am engaging in things I like I really believe there is a beauty to life. Even the things that suck there is a beauty to like being exhausted hiking up a mountain. When I want to ctb I think about all the cool things I've not done yet but I don't know if suffering more is worth those few beautiful moments.

 

[Nefera]

I don't think I would be able to feel happy even on my most unrealistic and lavish perfect scenarios, there's not a cure for depression...

 

[mythofsisyphus]

I relate to this a lot. I often feel a sort of calling for a simple life surrounded by nature. This wouldn't solve my problems, but it sounds so peaceful. No rush, no striving, no need for anything. I truly believe that capitalism is the root cause of a lot of mental health difficulties and distress. I often wonder what's stopping me from living like this, but it feels our culture is imprinted into us... I'm not sure who I'd be if I wasn't striving to improve and do 'better', but the idea of being free of this sounds so wonderful.

 

[avalonisburning]

Nothing would make me happier. Unfortunately, I believe there are some people who you just can't help, because they don't want help, or to change, and their sole purpose on this planet is to be a black hole of despair that consumes anyone who gets too close. Sadly, I'm one of those people, and I'm always going to be one of those people.

It would be fantastic if it ended there, but it doesn't. That's why I'm here. It takes a lot of energy to not stretch the limits of people's compassion, and I'm fast running out.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I could enjoy the little things in life

 

[thedevilwithin]

I can enjoy sensual pleasure such as eating or having a hot shower but as far as anything else, my mental illness (which causes me to be extremely hypervigilant among other things) stops me from allowing myself to do things outside the house. I am a prisoner in my own home. Despite this, it could be worse. I have my cat and creature comforts and am a homebody anyways.

What sucks is when I am forced to leave and face the world.

It's like death is behind every corner and it is torturous and I can't wait to go back home.

If I didn't have the support of family, I would have CTB a long time ago.

My life is purposeless and the economy is going further down hill in my country and finding a remote (at home) job is nearly impossible. Thankfully, there is social assistance but that only covers my basic needs.

So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, but... this has been my reality since my mental health shit the bed at age 15 so... I am so used to it, I just grin and bear it.

i understand. i am in all honesty in the same boat. i want these things, but i know i'll never truly have them. i'm simply just not made for human interaction. i don't like being around others.

I relate to this a lot. I often feel a sort of calling for a simple life surrounded by nature. This wouldn't solve my problems, but it sounds so peaceful. No rush, no striving, no need for anything. I truly believe that capitalism is the root cause of a lot of mental health difficulties and distress. I often wonder what's stopping me from living like this, but it feels our culture is imprinted into us... I'm not sure who I'd be if I wasn't striving to improve and do 'better', but the idea of being free of this sounds so wonderful.

i ask myself that everyday. what is stopping me? i agree with you, it is the "culture" of this poisonous society humans constructed. that's the only way i see myself being okay. ridding myself from the disgusting system these evil people have created.

just free.