Does anyone else wanna ctb because they're too much of a coward to deal with their problems?

[jar-baby]

I know many members here are in situations that are hopeless by their evaluation— in situations where ctb is arguably necessary— the only, or the best, way to stop the suffering they're experiencing.

I know I'm very fortunate not to be in a situation like that.

I don't at all think that suicide is inherently cowardly. On the contrary, I don't see what could, for most, require more mental fortitude than to actively oppose the primary biological drive. But I guess mental illness of some sort makes ctb seem like a better option to me than committedly attempting to deal with my (not yet unsolvable) problems, which I guess I'm too much of a coward to do.

The prospect of staying here, stuck where I currently am in life, for another couple of decades feels like little more than a slower, psychological kind of suicide.

But if I do ctb in the near future, I'm going to have to make peace with the fact that despite wanting to be better, and despite it maybe being possible (albeit not without sacrifice), I'll have chosen flight over fight.

Does anyone relate?

 

[Dying2077]

The world is very complicated, it is not a farm and a small house next to it, dealing with humans is a deadly poison I want to live on a small island alone

 

[manuel1056x]

I agree with that. I have a good life, I have everything I need. And I should be happy. But I made mistakes in my past, that courses problems of example social anxiety. Because of this I think about ctb. With social anxiety ervry day is nothing really more then being hurt. I could do something against that. I could try I searth for help and deal with my problems, but I don't. And I think I'm to much a coward for that, so I never will searth for help. I accepted it. It is definitely the wrong way, and when I will do ctb, then because of that.

I'm sorry what you have to deal with. I hope you will become happy and maybe find a way to deal with you problems. I can't tell really. But there is always a solution.

 

[Anónimo]

I could improve my life right now if I want, I just don't want to. I feel like a few minutes of suffering now is better than having to deal with this stupid world, a world in which I feel like I'm just a loser weakling and nothing excites me. Sadly, methods are very limited and stabbing myself would be extreme suffering with very low chances, so I gotta think clear.

I feel you bro, I don't want to deal with all the bs that comes with life.

 

[avaruus]

Partly, yeah.
On paper, my personal situation isn't even that bad;

I have two loving and supporting parents.
I live in a country of free education and very high quality of life.
I have a healthy body, no pain or illnesses.
No significant childhood or even any other kind of trauma.

But i just can't live, i'm lazy, i have a horrible social anxiety and on top of that, i don't think i would still be happy even if i would get better.
My problems with life are larger than just me and situation.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

The prospect of staying here, stuck where I currently am in life, for another couple of decades feels like little more than a slower, psychological kind of suicide.

That alone is enough for me to hasten things by a lot.

Maybe I'm different but I don't see any desire to be better, to want better at all. I've already made some peace with ctb, only thing holding me back is time and worried that I'll fail making things exponential worse.

However maybe this is why people say that "Suicide is the cowards way out" because from their perspective, you ran away from temporary problems you could've been able to solve in time but you chose to run and this is where the anger and grief of loved ones come from, that you quit or whatever.

For me, it doesn't matter how if anyone thinks things could've turned out with time given.

 

[kilowatt]

Yeah. I find the responsability of an adult life too much for me, even if I consider myself pretty independent I could not bear with a full time job for the next 35 years of my life. I wouldn't be able to properly deal with people and most importantly I wouldn't be able to handle myself as my mental health and state are getting slowly worse. I don't have much of a sob story like being homeless or in debt or broke, but I do have a pretty rough family home which, of course, affected my childhood and still does my life. In the end I'm just running away, but is it really that bad if it means I'll be happy and at peace?

 

[SpiritualDeath]

It's never cowardly to want to escape from problems (sometimes it's even the wise thing to do, instead of being stuck in an infinite loop of causing more problems on your way of trying to deal with one). It's sad that most ppl still believe that it's brave to fight and cowardly to run. To me it's often stupid not to run.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I just want a clean slate.
New start.
But I have responsibilities. I'm a parent. That's where it gets complicated.
You don't get new starts as a parent.
The baggage is yours for keeps.
You can't just walk away without consequence.

 

[jar-baby]

I'm sorry what you have to deal with. I hope you will become happy and maybe find a way to deal with you problems. I can't tell really. But there is always a solution.

Thank you. I hope that you're able to find peace as well

However maybe this is why people say that "Suicide is the cowards way out" because from their perspective, you ran away from temporary problems you could've been able to solve in time but you chose to run and this is where the anger and grief of loved ones come from, that you quit or whatever.

Yes, that's probably where they're coming from. But I think that sort of rhetoric is irrational— it really does depend on the situation, and the individual. Some situations truly are inescapable. Some pains really don't go away, even with effort and with time. Some pains are just too much to bear even temporarily. People in those situations are in no way cowardly because they opt for nonexistence. Quite the opposite. Pain might not even be a factor for others who elect to ctb, and so cowardice preventing one from treating pain, wouldn't be a factor either. Some people might simply not want to try dealing with their problems.

But some part of me does, and so if I ctb without truly trying, it will probably be out of cowardice.

I just want a clean slate.
New start.
But I have responsibilities. I'm a parent. That's where it gets complicated.
You don't get new starts as a parent.
The baggage is yours for keeps.
You can't just walk away without consequence.

I'm sorry. I can't imagine the emotional strain that must bring. Those are big responsibilities to shoulder, and I hope that you're able to find peace in spite of that.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

it really does depend on the situation, and the individual. Some situations truly are inescapable. Some pains really don't go away, even with effort and with time. Some pains are just too much to bear even temporarily. People in those situations are in no way cowardly because they opt for nonexistence

Agree, opting for non-existence isn't cowardly at all, in fact, it's probably one action that requires a tremendous amount of courage. Some things definitely do not go away, even with time and reflection and sometimes, people are tired of being told to hold onto some faint hope that's not really there.

But some part of me does, and so if I ctb without truly trying, it will probably be out of cowardice.

I understand that and I see it would be out of cowardice.

 

[Zaphkiel]

Partly, yeah.
On paper, my personal situation isn't even that bad;

I have two loving and supporting parents.
I live in a country of free education and very high quality of life.
I have a healthy body, no pain or illnesses.
No significant childhood or even any other kind of trauma.

But i just can't live, i'm lazy, i have a horrible social anxiety and on top of that, i don't think i would still be happy even if i would get better.
My problems with life are larger than just me and situation.

I didn't know i let a clone of myself go away in the wild...

 

[LaVieEnRose]

There is no prize at the bottom of the box no matter how you finish the cereal.

Your lot in life is often compared to a card game "the hand you're dealt". Well a good player knows when to play and when to fold.

I guess it depends how much at peace you feel with the efforts you've made. Are you satisfied with what you've tried?

I feel at peace (even though frustrated) but I suppose I have some lingering " what-if"'s. Not enough to change my bottom line though.

Honestly I'll gladly take some other users' lives .

 

[hevlalab]

I mean on paper my problems aren't even that big of a deal. I'm just a stubborn person who can't deal with the reality of it and have persuaded myself that my life is ruined. So yes in a way I do feel cowardly but we all die eventually anyway. So what if mines a little earlier than expected

 

[Iamtired]

Nope, I literally have medical malpractice suit in hand. No way anyone can call me a coward. If anyone was in my position they would be f* ready to CTB immediately

 

[sserafim]

I know many members here are in situations that are hopeless by their evaluation— in situations where ctb is arguably necessary— the only, or the best, way to stop the suffering they're experiencing.

I know I'm very fortunate not to be in a situation like that.

I don't at all think that suicide is inherently cowardly. On the contrary, I don't see what could, for most, require more mental fortitude than to actively oppose the primary biological drive. But I guess mental illness of some sort makes ctb seem like a better option to me than committedly attempting to deal with my (not yet unsolvable) problems, which I guess I'm too much of a coward to do.

The prospect of staying here, stuck where I currently am in life, for another couple of decades feels like little more than a slower, psychological kind of suicide.

But if I do ctb in the near future, I'm going to have to make peace with the fact that despite wanting to be better, and despite it maybe being possible (albeit not without sacrifice), I'll have chosen flight over fight.

Does anyone relate?

My problem is having to live in a world not built or meant for me, and I don't think that ctb'ing to escape my problems is "cowardly" or makes me a "coward". My problem is my neurodivergence, which is chronic and lifelong (Asperger's/autism, ADHD, social anxiety, undiagnosed depression) and it will never go away. My problems can't be solved anyways. My neurodivergence actively makes my life miserable and contributes to my suffering.

I hate the fact that people are expected to continue and soldier on despite their struggles. I hate the fact that I'm expected to continue to live and suffer rather than having the option of a peaceful, guaranteed, way out (VAS). The problem for me is having to exist in the first place. It's hard being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. I've already lived long enough, maybe even too long, and I'm ready to go. I've lived as long as I wanted, and I don't see a point in having to fight anymore.

The prospect of having to continue to live life for another 60 years (and work away 50 years of it) is not appealing to me. I never want to live that long and I never will. We all die in the end anyways, and I'd like to skip adulthood and old age and just fast forward to death already. I will accomplish this by ctb'ing soon, before I have to enter the workforce and working world. I will be gone before 25 because I just don't want to do these things and live out these stages of life.

There is no prize at the bottom of the box no matter how you finish the cereal.

Your lot in life is often compared to a card game "the hand you're dealt". Well a good player knows when to play and when to fold.

I guess it depends how much at peace you feel with the efforts you've made. Are you satisfied with what you've tried?

I feel at peace (even though frustrated) but I suppose I have some lingering " what-if"'s. Not enough to change my bottom line though.

Honestly I'll gladly take some other users' lives .

I know that it's time for me to fold…if only it weren't so hard

Yeah. I find the responsability of an adult life too much for me, even if I consider myself pretty independent I could not bear with a full time job for the next 35 years of my life. I wouldn't be able to properly deal with people and most importantly I wouldn't be able to handle myself as my mental health and state are getting slowly worse. I don't have much of a sob story like being homeless or in debt or broke, but I do have a pretty rough family home which, of course, affected my childhood and still does my life. In the end I'm just running away, but is it really that bad if it means I'll be happy and at peace?

Same! The responsibility of adult life is too much for me as well. My main goal and reason to ctb is to escape adulthood and having to be a real adult.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I know many members here are in situations that are hopeless by their evaluation— in situations where ctb is arguably necessary— the only, or the best, way to stop the suffering they're experiencing.

I know I'm very fortunate not to be in a situation like that.

I don't at all think that suicide is inherently cowardly. On the contrary, I don't see what could, for most, require more mental fortitude than to actively oppose the primary biological drive. But I guess mental illness of some sort makes ctb seem like a better option to me than committedly attempting to deal with my (not yet unsolvable) problems, which I guess I'm too much of a coward to do.

The prospect of staying here, stuck where I currently am in life, for another couple of decades feels like little more than a slower, psychological kind of suicide.

But if I do ctb in the near future, I'm going to have to make peace with the fact that despite wanting to be better, and despite it maybe being possible (albeit not without sacrifice), I'll have chosen flight over fight.

Does anyone relate?

I've done everything I can to solve the problems thrust onto me by someone else's cowardly actions... Unfortunately in life people need help. Humanity/society/the government whomever have all decided I am not worth helping. That the place for me is in the grave or homeless.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

It's more like exhaustion than cowardice. Cowards don't successfully CTB.

 

[hellispink]

This is a hopeless journey. Most problems dont have any solutions. We have no control over anything but only our actions and thoughts. Meaning other people shit can always harm us in unexpected ways. If my problems had an exit perhpaps i would fight nonstop. But tired of fighting. One thing is being courageous, another thing is being a dreamer thinking things could be solved for me when they won't (cause i dont control most of the things anyway). If i did then all means but sadly i cant

 

[vampire2002]

i understand this. i have all the means to "improve" my life ready at my disposal, yet i can't make myself really start doing them yet. i could get a job, could move out, could finish my high school education and start college, could go out and socialize so i'm less isolated, whatever.
i just have no motivation or real desire to do anything like this. it all feels pointless and i'd hate it. i don't really want to do any of these things, i just feel like i have to and there's so much pressure on me to do so, yet i can't make myself. it's like i'm stuck in place because it's all so overwhelming and exhausting to me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I think this applies to me. I could make more effort but I guess I don't really see the point. I have made effort in the past and the 'reward' (in my opinion) wasn't worth it. Really, I'm just tired of playing the game now.

Maybe other people would feel happy living my life. Or- at least feel motivated enough to put the effort in to change it. Bottomline is- they're not me. They can't know what it's like to be me- anymore than I know what it's like to be them. If I could give them my life to try- I happily would. We can't. I try not to judge them on what they do or don't want to do with their lives. That's up to them. It would be good if they gave me the same courtesy.

I guess there's a difference between what you feel yourself and what you worry other people will think. I don't think CTB is a cowardly thing to do. I think it can be brave to keep trying to live as well but- I guess I would personally struggle to put value in the same motivations that they do.

I can understand personal bonds with people. They are what has kept me tethered here. Beyond that though- I don't believe in intrinsic personal value. I also think the idea of missed potential is a trap to get us to continue to live in order to pay taxes and buy stuff. I don't want to do either much.

I have no qualms with other people believing whatever they want to. I just really dislike the way they seem to insist they are right and force that on us. I guess I feel resentful about this obligation to live and keep trying on and on and on.

Kind of odd really. Other things in life that we choose- jobs, marriage, gym membership- we aren't obliged to stay in if they become too much. Yet life- that we didn't choose- people think we should be stuck with until a natural end releases us. And even then- we're supposed to fight it.

 

[Chr0nicAnhedonic]

A few months ago, I had quit my job. This gave me a ton of free time that I previously didn't have. I could've used all that time to truly make an effort to better myself. I was going to start writing again, actually work on my self esteem, go out more and meet new people...

...and I didn't do it. I would sometimes write in my journal, and I would occasionally go out to Friday night events, but I can't say I made a genuine effort to do it no matter what. I saw no immediate success and gave up, as often happens.

 

[R_N]

Is going through hardships really worth it tho? That is the question. Humans are definitely capable of enduring a lot, physically and mentally. But to what end?

It is up to individual to decide if it's worth it.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wouldn't say that I'm a coward bc I'm not really putting efforts into fixing my "problem". I'm not interested in fixing it bc simply the reward won't be enough to satisfy me, that's just work to do that doesn't bring me the life back I used to live.

 

[MelancholicMundane]

A few months ago, I had quit my job. This gave me a ton of free time that I previously didn't have. I could've used all that time to truly make an effort to better myself. I was going to start writing again, actually work on my self esteem, go out more and meet new people...

...and I didn't do it. I would sometimes write in my journal, and I would occasionally go out to Friday night events, but I can't say I made a genuine effort to do it no matter what. I saw no immediate success and gave up, as often happens.

I did the same thing. I quit my job several months ago and thought with this decision, I'll finally be able to work on myself and then turn my life around. Didn't do a damn thing even though I wanted to so bad. It's been 5 months of unemployment and I hated myself every single day. Now I think I've come to accept that my only way out is to finally go forward with CTB. I've tried so hard but it seems like my mind and body has already given up on me.

 

[XM8 Enjoyer]

I think about ctb because I lack the ability to comfort my friends or even communicate with them because of my years of unchecked mental illness and the fact that i can't connect to people easily, I have lost friends because I was unable to communicate with them in a meaningful manner, and I makes me sick with myself I don't want to live because of it I am just seen as the Dumb person who doesn't talk to people and it terrifies me to live for another's few years, by my 30s i will be gone and i will be suffering in hell for my sins

 

[IWishToDie]

I know many members here are in situations that are hopeless by their evaluation— in situations where ctb is arguably necessary— the only, or the best, way to stop the suffering they're experiencing.

I know I'm very fortunate not to be in a situation like that.

I don't at all think that suicide is inherently cowardly. On the contrary, I don't see what could, for most, require more mental fortitude than to actively oppose the primary biological drive. But I guess mental illness of some sort makes ctb seem like a better option to me than committedly attempting to deal with my (not yet unsolvable) problems, which I guess I'm too much of a coward to do.

The prospect of staying here, stuck where I currently am in life, for another couple of decades feels like little more than a slower, psychological kind of suicide.

But if I do ctb in the near future, I'm going to have to make peace with the fact that despite wanting to be better, and despite it maybe being possible (albeit not without sacrifice), I'll have chosen flight over fight.

Does anyone relate?

I could be heroic as possible, that won't fix my neck and spine. If only...