Discussion Does anyone else suffer from chronic illness?

[tiredofchronicpain]

I am just numb, no motivation, no focus. Havent left the house in weeks. Horrible

Yes, I am numb too, and unable to sleep at all.

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Horrible... I am sorry

 

[tiredofchronicpain]

Everything is in our heads. Pain is difficult to measure, and when you're in pain for a long period (more than 3 months), something happens in your nervous system, and you're at high risk to develop chronic pain syndrome (CPS). This doesn't mean you're imagining pain! I was in an accident, crushed both arms and had to replace one arm. Worse pain I've ever experienced, and even though I'm much better now, 3y later, I still struggle and use painkillers everyday. Doctors/health system here in Norway suck, unless you have money or even better, contacts.

Thanks for replying and nodding a head at my post. Healthcare and palliative treatments have zero quality these days. You are slapped on the arse and made to leave after a "rough" evaluation. I went to the pharmacy once in Australia after a severe bout of shocking pains and emphatically told the front assistant that I urgently need help and pills to help me get through the day. Next time you are in pain, feel free to go ask for help, and report back on the responsiveness and the care from the medical units. I am certain no one really gives a toss about anyone these days. She was so unresponsive, I left almost throwing stuff of the shelves. For anyone screaming "victim mentality" I want to alert them at the intensity chronic pain drives you to, and the society has a myopic respect for individuals representing bad health that this causes symbiotic depression.

Life does have meaning to me. I tear up a lot because I do not want to transmit the feelings of suicide to the people loving me. I am afraid of the pain they will go through with me suiciding. That is all keeping me here and I hope you can also see value in your life. I am sorry about it. But let's get together and sing the blues, we owe it to ourselves :)

 

[Letmego. Please]

Let me ask this: for all of you with chronic extreme physical pain where you have shooting pains and feelings of wanting to pass out, which is worse: "feeling blue, depressed", or being in physical pain like Trigeminal Neuralgia, Fibromyalgia, facial pain, etc.

I am really curious.

Out of the two i could live with the 24/7 pain, opiates help
It's the Depression that is killing me, but then for me the depression came first & caused the second.

 

[Roberto]

Does anyone else suffer from a chronic illness that is their main reason for wanting to ctb??

Chronic illness has ruined my life and is most definitely the main reason I want to go.

I'm "just" depressed. I don't adapt well to the world. I'm just a problem for the world. Someone that wastes taxes of the government . Without friends, family or job. I don't see the sense in nothing.

I see life, something very short. And instead of waiting the life to give you diseases, I try to control my destiny. I don't enjoy life, so I don't want to suffer also (I do suffer emotionally but sometimes I can stand with it).

 

[Northerngirl1965]

Thanks for replying and nodding a head at my post. Healthcare and palliative treatments have zero quality these days. You are slapped on the arse and made to leave after a "rough" evaluation. I went to the pharmacy once in Australia after a severe bout of shocking pains and emphatically told the front assistant that I urgently need help and pills to help me get through the day. Next time you are in pain, feel free to go ask for help, and report back on the responsiveness and the care from the medical units. I am certain no one really gives a toss about anyone these days. She was so unresponsive, I left almost throwing stuff of the shelves. For anyone screaming "victim mentality" I want to alert them at the intensity chronic pain drives you to, and the society has a myopic respect for individuals representing bad health that this causes symbiotic depression.

Life does have meaning to me. I tear up a lot because I do not want to transmit the feelings of suicide to the people loving me. I am afraid of the pain they will go through with me suiciding. That is all keeping me here and I hope you can also see value in your life. I am sorry about it. But let's get together and sing the blues, we owe it to ourselves :)

I feel for my loved ones immensely

 

[Cleopatra123]

Does anyone else suffer from a chronic illness that is their main reason for wanting to ctb??

Chronic illness has ruined my life and is most definitely the main reason I want to go.

Yes, for 40 years I overcame illness invisible to all, untreatable, except to me, who worked with it, had too many responsibilities, and have adult children with problems. I had another operation 6 years ago, and have been so slowly getting worse and worse, I can't stand it anymore. My life, and all that kept me motivated is now impossible; every night I pray to not wake up, and every morning I wake to the height of dysfunction and discomfort, upset to be here still. And, though I think of CBT all the time, I'm so sick now I have no way to get it done. Does being alone in all of this, end in my being alone in doing something desperate.. ON top of that I have 2 adult children who are suffering their own complications in life, and there's nothing anymore I can do to help them. I know so many are suffering their own desperate situations concerning health, miserable, always in threat of homelessness, suffering pain and FORCED to live the last of their lives in increasing misery until they die anyway.

 

[flower]

I have a condition that makes me look physically deformed that also causes chronic pain, so not even pain management can save me. think I was doomed from the start!

 

[¡!¡!¡!]

I have hypertrohic cardiomyopathy and polyclonal b cell lymphocytosis (diagnosed in 2019)

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Yea me.. I'm bedridden and 25 years old. It has been like this for 4 years, spent half of my 20s just lying in bed with no solutions. I just don't see a future in myself anymore.

 

[Epsilon0]

Yes! My chronic illness lies at the root of everything. It's a death sentence.

 

[DCS]

My chronic illness is the main source for my wish to kill myself. May God forgive me.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Yes, chronic pain here. All day everyday due to chronic illness. I was a very happy person before that.

 

[jimbob1000]

yes chronic nausea , and headache , cant eat solid foods, only liquids so been surviving on fresh milk only , nothing else, but its catching up with me now, getting bone pain , blured vision, cant take vitamin tablets as they make me very sick, it never goes away , so fed up , i feel for every one who has a chronic illness , its hell

 

[Cleopatra123]

yes chronic nausea , and headache , cant eat solid foods, only liquids so been surviving on fresh milk only , nothing else, but its catching up with me now, getting bone pain , blured vision, cant take vitamin tablets as they make me very sick, it never goes away , so fed up , i feel for every one who has a chronic illness , its hell

wELL, I HAVE read all of the above, and I am wondering if anyone has any idea of what we can do about it. It is law that we are forced to live through torment with no good ending. When should it be a choice for those with misery of illness which leads only to death, to choose their end? There's probably millions of us, what about advocacy, petitions, making the situation known and accepted and aided?

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

Its somehow surprising.... yet not all that surprising to see just how many of us suffer with chronic pain. I myself have multiple diagnoses that started in my teens and progressed over the last 30 years.

Dealing with chronic daily pain like that can only lead one to depression, especially in a world where we are told to just deal with it by people who can't possibly understand what it feels like to live in our skin.

 

[Beforeigo]

I suffer from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which makes me dislocate my bones and live in agony.. this is a huge influence in my choice to CTB

 

[Cleopatra123]

Its somehow surprising.... yet not all that surprising to see just how many of us suffer with chronic pain. I myself have multiple diagnoses that started in my teens and progressed over the last 30 years.

Dealing with chronic daily pain like that can only lead one to depression, especially in a world where we are told to just deal with it by people who can't possibly understand what it feels like to live in our skin.

You're so right, not only about the medical community, but friends and family, for the ones who are not totally alone. They just don't know.

 

[W0ND3R_DOG]

Chronic illness is the main reason why I want to cbt as well. It has ruined my life, there is no cure, I will never get better, only worse over time. All I can do to have any quality of life is to take expensive daily medications and go through lots of medical treatments, appointments, tests, etc. Chronic pain, even if I am one of the lucky ones to be able to get monthly supplies of narcotics and other pain relief, is awful and makes me unable to be employed full time or do any of the careers I had dreamed of doing. I have been sick as long as I can remember, but finally started finding out how severe things were when I was about 21 years old, I am 26 now. There are several things preventing me from ctb currently. I am stuck in this limbo until some things in my life are sorted out. As much as I want to go, I don't have the heart to put anyone I leave behind in a huge mess. I hope you eventually find the peace your looking for.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Chronic illness is the main reason why I want to cbt as well. It has ruined my life, there is no cure, I will never get better, only worse over time. All I can do to have any quality of life is to take expensive daily medications and go through lots of medical treatments, appointments, tests, etc. Chronic pain, even if I am one of the lucky ones to be able to get monthly supplies of narcotics and other pain relief, is awful and makes me unable to be employed full time or do any of the careers I had dreamed of doing. I have been sick as long as I can remember, but finally started finding out how severe things were when I was about 21 years old, I am 26 now. There are several things preventing me from ctb currently. I am stuck in this limbo until some things in my life are sorted out. As much as I want to go, I don't have the heart to put anyone I leave behind in a huge mess. I hope you eventually find the peace your looking for.

I'm so sorry. The very same here but didn't hit until I was almost 40. It's a horrible experience and feels very....unfair, though I realize there are no guarantees in life. It seems so cruel.

 

[Cleopatra123]

I'm so sorry. The very same here but didn't hit until I was almost 40. It's a horrible experience and feels very....unfair, though I realize there are no guarantees in life. It seems so cruel.

It speaks to a sudden eclipse to the dreams of life, with the intrusions of worsening symptoms, and normal life, in any meaning, falling away leaving one empty and in physical pain and mental anguish..

 

[RottenDeer]

While I suffer from chronic migraines, it's not the cause why I am thinking about ctb.

 

[all told]

Adding myself to this list. Although we can commiserate together here, seeing the destruction chronic illness wreaks on the lives of so many of us just breaks my heart (please excuse the dramatic tone there).

I hit the jackpot with chronic illnesses, because I've got quite a few (cue over a decade of wasted time and money on medical professionals writing me off as a hypochondriac, only for me to eventually be proved correct all along). CFS/ME and fibromyalgia are the worst, though.The others are unpleasant, and restrict my life to an extent, but they're bearable, and for all intents and purposes I could lead a relatively "normal" life with them. The CFS and fibro are why I have been considering suicide for a while -- they completely dashed my prospects in life before it had properly begun.

The plus side to the fibro, however, is that I'm accustomed to intense pain, so if there has to be a degree of pain in whatever suicide method I choose it doesn't perturb me. Obviously I'd prefer as painless as possible, but some amount would definitely be tolerable.

 

[Nem]

Sorry that everyone here has been suffering ongoing. I have been dealing with bp for a long time, now have kidney damage, nerve damage and probably a few other things. Lately my tinnitus has been getting loud af and I should've ended things awhile back :(
Peace/hugs

 

[lanitoasmr]

life is pain

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I myself have multiple diagnoses that started in my teens and progressed over the last 30 years.

Dealing with chronic daily pain like that can only lead one to depression, especially in a world where we are told to just deal with it by people who can't possibly understand what it feels like to live in our skin.

This is my situation EXACTLY. I was a sickly kid but actual diagnoses and chronic pain started in my early teens and has only snowballed (and with more diagnoses of more physical conditions AND mental health conditions) ever since. I just turned 52. For many years I tried clinging to the hope that one day at least some of my health issues would be if not cured, at least found a way to be more manageable in terms of pain/limitations they cause/quality of life....but all these decades later, I am only worse off physically, mentally, and have run out of time to do so many of the things in life I dreamt of doing. I'm so very VERY tired of spending every day isolated, in pain, having extreme anxiety due to the fear of my physical issues/pain increasing (for ex. I have many GI issues that cause constant nausea, cramping, abdominal pain, and pain and bleeding with using the bathroom. A NATRURAL act that we all must do is an every day nightmare situation for me). This is no "life". I do not "live". I suffer through each day, alone, stressed out, physically ill and in pain and in many ways dysfunctional, and have been 'living' this way for around 30 years, with fragile health before that. I just want out and to be free of suffering. But even the doctors don't seem to care or really understand -- a few have even belittled me and minimized my circumstances when I tell them the absolute lack of quality of life I have.

My heart goes out to all those who suffer every day with chronic pain and illness of any kind, mental and physical. It's so true that people who have never lived this kind of nightmare life just DO NOT UNDERSTAND, and they never can or will unless they one day experience it themselves and so often THOSE are the people we must turn to for 'help'. to each of you.

 

[Cjaf]

Physically healthy as a horse. Every test always comes out fine. It's my mental health that is completely messed up.

I'm sorry for all off you who are in pain. I can't imagine how hard that must be!

 

[Cleopatra123]

Adding myself to this list. Although we can commiserate together here, seeing the destruction chronic illness wreaks on the lives of so many of us just breaks my heart (please excuse the dramatic tone there).

I hit the jackpot with chronic illnesses, because I've got quite a few (cue over a decade of wasted time and money on medical professionals writing me off as a hypochondriac, only for me to eventually be proved correct all along). CFS/ME and fibromyalgia are the worst, though.The others are unpleasant, and restrict my life to an extent, but they're bearable, and for all intents and purposes I could lead a relatively "normal" life with them. The CFS and fibro are why I have been considering suicide for a while -- they completely dashed my prospects in life before it had properly begun.

The plus side to the fibro, however, is that I'm accustomed to intense pain, so if there has to be a degree of pain in whatever suicide method I choose it doesn't perturb me. Obviously I'd prefer as painless as possible, but some amount would definitely be tolerable.

I can certainly empathize with you, I've had CHF for 40 years, after my last cardiac operation 6 years ago, the ME set in and never lets up. Thanks to my being a retired nurse, and having been through the same nonsense with doctor after doctor, I researched things to diminish the various system breakdowns that have occurred over the years, just to function, but there is really no cure now. I've never had fibro, and I know from others how the excruciating pain adds to the other dysfunctions time passing brings. I wouldn't be surprised if some of the other issues you mentioned are instigated by the CFS, as many who suffer, don't realize the infections that are running around doing damage. I agree with you, I'm at the end of trying to subdue the increasing symptoms and dysfunctions leaving life empty of any meaning, and I'm ready, to be rid of this rotting flesh.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I started losing feeling in my legs a few months ago. Still waiting for an MRI appointment. Walking with a cane and can barely get around. The Drs don't seem to care. I'm pretty sure whatever it is, it is chronic because it has not changed at all. This is the last straw. Losing my mobility is the last straw.

 

[Susannah]

I suffer from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome which makes me dislocate my bones and live in agony.. this is a huge influence in my choice to CTB

I really feel with you. It sounds awful. I dislocated both my elbows, and the pain was immense. Sending you lots of love.