Discussion does anyone else regret past mistakes

[kokosnight]

does anyone else regret past mistakes which led them to CTB because of the guilt and feeling like you can't move on.....even though you've changed as a person your OCD is eating you up and the memories just keep haunting you?

 

[LossOfWill]

This is exactly what I'm going through. I just want peace from it all.. death is so comforting because of it.

 

[kokosnight]

This is exactly what I'm going through. I just want peace from it all.. death is so comforting because of it.

im so relieved i'm not alone, if you need someone to talk to about this i'm here, i'll understand

 

[LossOfWill]

im so relieved i'm not alone, if you need someone to talk to about this i'm here, i'll understand

Thank you :)

 

[Pravesh]

yep everyday i wish i can go back in time and change the past or so i can make different choices. but alas i will have to deal with my failures and regret until i ctb.

 

[Weary Soul]

does anyone else regret past mistakes which led them to CTB because of the guilt and feeling like you can't move on.....even though you've changed as a person your OCD is eating you up and the memories just keep haunting you?

Yes. I made the huge mistake of empathizing with my abuser for far too long (~10 years).

I mistakenly thought that the abuse he dished out was because of his own trauma, and while this may have been true, it does not negate the permeant physical damage he caused me.

I regret that I did not figure this out sooner and it has led me to wanting to end my life. (The constant what ifs circling in my mind are like torture).

I also live with other regrets, but can't say that they necessary led me to wanting to end my existence. They did change me, sometimes for the better as I learned from those mistakes, but they still haunt me to this day.

 

[Pookie]

Yes, but it won't matter anymore once I'm dead as a doornail.

 

[LonelyDude15]

Yes

 

[kokosnight]

Yes. I made the huge mistake of empathizing with my abuser for far too long (~10 years).

I mistakenly thought that the abuse he dished out was because of his own trauma, and while this may have been true, it does not negate the permeant physical damage he caused me.

I regret that I did not figure this out sooner and it has led me to wanting to end my life. (The constant what ifs circling in my mind are like torture).

I also live with other regrets, but can't say that they necessary led me to wanting to end my existence. They did change me, sometimes for the better as I learned from those mistakes, but they still haunt me to this day.

please don't beat yourself up for empathizing with your abuser it wasn't your fault you didn't know... have you gone to therapy? do you still see your abuser?

Yes, but it won't matter anymore once I'm dead as a doornail.

same, my past my future everything will be erased and i will finally be able to stop thinking about it

 

[rabbithole]

I made the mistake of having a lumbar puncture done at Yale new Haven hospital and it castrated me essentially and left me with a pain disorder. Also incontinence. Biggest regret.

 

[Weary Soul]

please don't beat yourself up for empathizing with your abuser it wasn't your fault you didn't know... have you gone to therapy? do you still see your abuser?

Thank you.

No, I do not see him, I am terrified of him.

Every door/window in my home is locked and has an alarm and he is now blocked from contacting me in any way.

I live less than a mile away and now have guns and a Rottweiler.

His physical abuse was compounded by such a smear campaign against me that I am still left shaking my head because I cannot understand him. He recreates history to such an extent that I will never understand. It has been a living nightmare.

I did try to get some help, but am not a fan of the therapists in general, unless I can find someone who is really good - but IME, these are few and far between.

I am currently running on financial fumes, but did ask some local therapists who they would go to if they needed help. I was referred to a local psychiatrist. I could not afford to go to him ((his fee is 500$ per visit and he does not accept any healthcare plan to help offset costs). Seems only the wealthy can afford to get help from a competent person in my area.

At this point I am done. I am so tired of life, and that is what has led me here.

Thank you again for your kind words <3

 

[140 bpm]

Most of all, I hate those butterflies and their effects.

 

[foxdie]

Errry single day.

 

[newave3]

I regret starting on tranquilizers which I have been a addicted to for 40 years.
I regret going to an oral surgeon 28 years ago who left my chin permanently numb.
I regret not treating my hernia which is causing me a lot of pain.
I regret the way I have lived my whole life.

 

[sezhian]

does anyone else regret past mistakes which led them to CTB because of the guilt and feeling like you can't move on.....even though you've changed as a person your OCD is eating you up and the memories just keep haunting you?

Exactly what I'm going through. In my head, I'm stuck in a place where I'm just reliving old stuff and regretting it everyday. Life, people and the world around me have surely moved on, but I'm stuck. And I have OCD too. Could be the reason I'm obsessing over all the things I could've done differently and all the other ways in which things could've turned out for me.

 

[kokosnight]

Exactly what I'm going through. In my head, I'm stuck in a place where I'm just reliving old stuff and regretting it everyday. Life, people and the world around me have surely moved on, but I'm stuck. And I have OCD too. Could be the reason I'm obsessing over all the things I could've done differently and all the other ways in which things could've turned out for me.

aw :( hopefully we can go through this without actually CTB

 

[sezhian]

aw :( hopefully we can go through this without actually CTB

I really hope to, but I can't stop this loop. And I've been taking a lot of therapy sessions, and it helps temporarily, but at the end of the day I'm alone at night, and I can't stop my train of thought leading me this way.

 

[AprilsBlessings]

it didn't lead me to ctb but it's definitely torturing me 24/7, specially now that i have no friends and i have nothing to do so i spend my days alone doing nothing, i can't wait to ctb and get free of it.

 

[sezhian]

it didn't let me to ctb but it's definitely torturing me 24/7, specially now that i have no friends and i have nothing to do and i spend my days alone doing nothing, i can't wait to ctb and get free of it.

The loneliness makes it more horrible than anything else doesn't it? Just have to keep reliving the past over and over.

 

[IWantToSleep]

Not any one memory in particular, I've embarrassed myself and made so many regrettable decisions that I'm semi-accustomed to it, it stings initially when I mess up but what can you do.

 

[kokosnight]

it didn't lead me to ctb but it's definitely torturing me 24/7, specially now that i have no friends and i have nothing to do so i spend my days alone doing nothing, i can't wait to ctb and get free of it.

same, i cant wait to finally rest also i'll be your friend

 

[AprilsBlessings]

same, i cant wait to finally rest also i'll be your friend

Awwww i would be honored :)

 

[Sherri]

I would say that yes, all of us regrets past mistakes. And some like me. Would love to have a time machine to fix some things.....

 

[I screwed up]

Yes me too ... Wish I could go bback in time ... So I wouldn't have to ctb

 

[SpinTop555]

Yes, every moment of every day, I wish I could go back, knowing what I do now, never have hurt the ones I love, but it's too late... I regret not staying in my room when when I was od'ing way back when, I regret becoming friends with people who would betray me, I regret being a horrible person to loved ones, I regret not being able to be stronger.

 

[MindFrog]

I don't think I can ever forgive myself from all the pain I'm causing. I don't even think I can forgive myself for simply existing.

 

[k75]

I have many regrets that really haunt me, and I can't seem to get over them. Some are really old and stupid, too. But they all somehow get magnified and torture me the same. It's like I can vividly see every instance in my entire life where I made a bad decision that led me to my current situation.

My deepest regret is consenting to surgery back when I had cancer. It destroyed me.

My "silliest" is not kissing this guy back in 1999. Super dumb, but it all just sends me spiraling into What-If land and I can't make it stop.

 

[plough22]

I regret meeting my ex, I was so taken in but how it has destroyed my life. I wish I could go back abs dump her. You sadly cannot.

 

[Simba]

I dont know if this actually led me to not wanting to be here but i shouldve listened to people when they said about ex bf cause he was online not from real life idk and he ended up not been nice to me so i got suicidal thoughts n wanted to just not be there at all - daddy didnt like him either n it was just all not nice and my school were like you know like not come late to class etc but he had rules for me ,thats 1 thing and another thing is when i sent unpleasant images (graphic) to a WhatsApp group for people with autism.. i sent the photos cause im trying to explain myself saying im sad etc and nothing yet for some other people they were like awwwee poor X lets cheer them up etc and to me is like is noy appropriate to talk about such things ie suicide thoughts etc.. because of what i did some of them literally sort of like band together (thats how i see it) n be like we don't want Simba in group n few even go as far as saying false stuff bout me and sometimes even private ! 1 of them told the group that if anyone had any screenshots of me not been nice n what not then send to her and afterwards theyll go together to the police station to file a complaint about me.. it lasted probably bout half a year .. so yeah if i hadnt sent photos maybe all that wouldnt have happened to me i dunno

 

[FuneralCry]

If I could regret being born, I would as that is certainly a mistake. However apart from that, not really. I thought I was doing what was for the best at the time and I did not know better. Also many of the negative things that have happened to me have been out of my control, there is nothing I could have done to prevent them. Also in my case, nothing would ever make me want to live, even if I could change things, I would be suicidal no matter what. Life is not for me.