I think everyone, especially people on this site, loves to sleep. I certainly do: sleeping is my favorite part of the day. Life however, in it's unyielding cruelty, has made it so that the times immediately before and after sleeping are some of my most miserable. Being in bed, in the dark, all by myself is a recipe for feeling unbelievable loneliness and for contemplating all the things I hate about myself and how much I've fucked things up. Every night I lay in bed for an hour feeling so low and miserable (which kinda helps me sleep because at this point all I want to be is dead or at least unconscious), before eventually crying myself to sleep. And of course, like many of you here, waking up is a daily tragedy that I suffer. Usually my first thoughts of the day will consist of something like "I wish I had died in my sleep", or "There's no reason for me to live another day". Today it was "I don't enjoy existing". After that I'll lie in bed, alone, for an hour or two (or as long as I possibly can without missing an obligation like class) under the sheets, clutching my pillows, feeling miserable and just trying to shut out the world, trying to avoid having to experience another day of life for as long as possible.
Sleeping itself, however, is fucking amazing. When I sleep, I don't think about my problems, I don't feel depressed or lonely, I don't hate myself -- I am just in total peace and comfort. I see sleep as a free trial for death, and seeing as how amazing the free trial is, it makes me very eager to move on to the real deal.
