Does anyone else keep replaying mistakes in their head? I won’t get peace until I’m gone

[Journeytoletgo]

I literally HATE myself for having sex with those two men.

 

[timf]

It has been said that the best education comes from the school of hard knocks, it is just that the tuition is so high"

Sometimes bad experiences can stiffen resolve to make changes in one's life for the better.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Yes. There are things that I've done that I feel terribly ashamed of.

When those things flash within my mind, I get a fresh wave of despair and self-hatred.

I guess in the end, we can't change our past, or the things we've done, but we can try to use it as a tool for change.

 

[Pluto]

Yes I get this too. My mind likes to focus on times when I got everything wrong, everyone hated me and I had no chance to redeem myself - which wasn't exactly a rare occurrence.

I seem to easily turn ordinary learning experiences into trauma that replays for years if not decades. I can see how for a few people this could lead to feeling that we actually deserve death, despite how grossly distorted the self-image lens is. There's also a need to get away from the repeated electric shock of toxic shame at any cost, which is more where I am coming from.

 

[Heartaches]

No, I keep replaying events from my past everyday. A wave of emotions falls on me and I don't know what to do or what it means, but it's eating me, slowly. Things that I did not think were so bad in its time suddenly hit me, they make me question everything as my memory is very fragmented. It's exhausting to no end,

I'm sorry you're going through the same situation.​

 

[edu0z]

I literally HATE myself for having sex with those two men.

Hypnosis helps me a lot with those kinds of mental loops... I had complex trauma and post-traumatic stress... I recommend it if you find a good psychiatrist.

 

[whatevs]

Many in here can relate to that standard routine that self-loathing loops on our heads, the key takeaway is that it's a completely delusional way of looking at yourself and definitely something that we want to overcome. Or it will kill us. And we know how.

 

[Sherri]

Me too, always wishing for the impossible. A Time Machine. :(

 

[nowayout*]

Me too, always wishing for the impossible. A Time Machine. :(

Same here

 

[Sherri]

My brain at night when I try to fall asleep even thinks silly things about me in 3rd grade. That's why I have to sleep with something playing on the background like a boring documentary.

 

[Simba]

Sometimes.. if im oks then i guess not but when im sad and worse then yea probably

 

[dandan]

Awww please don't hate yourself for that event, it was a silly adventurous you whom now you wouldn't repeat.

My problem with mistakes is I keep on repeating, let's please don't repeat mistakes.

 

[LoneMisery]

I too dwell on everything ive done wrong and never am proud of the things ive done right. I expect to do things right. I kno that nobody is perfect but its really hard to be a male and not doing everything 100% right

 

[LoneMisery]

Awww please don't hate yourself for that event, it was a silly adventurous you whom now you wouldn't repeat.

My problem with mistakes is I keep on repeating, let's please don't repeat mistakes.

Thats what my brother used to call me when we were little. Dandan lol nice

 

[cleveland2011]

Medical decisions I made led to a neurotoxin that causes a form of ALS/Parkinson's get in my brain.

There was about a series of 5 decisions gone wrong that led to this.

I'm now 33. I had everything I needed in my life. And I'm going to have to CTB to end the suffering.

So yes. The decisions I made are being played over and over and over and over. I can't handle it. The symptoms are just as bad as the regrets. I don't know what's worse.

 

[Leiden]

I torment myself over things that were in my control to change and things that weren't in my control. Sometimes they just pop up on their own and torment me themselves.

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

I made a mistake a few years ago. It sounds trivial if I tell you I regret moving away from a certain place but that decision has fucked me up the last few years. I live in a fog and am constantly trying to fix that mistake.
I don't know how i can explain it well since I'm bad with words but I've come to the conclusion that I have to pay a steep price if I want to go back home. I have to give up everything I love and all attachments in this current life if I want to move back where I left.
At this time, I'm not quite prepared to do that. Not yet.

 

[BBBB]

YES!!!! The mistake of believing someone who said they cared about me and loved me and wanted to help me!!!! They said they wanted to stand by me just as I stood by them during a very difficult time in their life (for over a year). BUT it was all lies and I was the fool who made the MISTAKE of believing them. A few weeks later they left me! I relieve my mistake every waking moment of the day!! Now the pain of the loss of that person is unbearable!!

 

[fuqed]

im 37 and i think a lot about the mistakes ive made as far back as elementary school. i hate myself for the things I haven't done and see myself as a failure because i have cognitive symptoms. It's a long road out of this hell if thats not just a part of it