I've been diagnosed with BPD by everyone but the psychiatrists. However, there's a lot of overlap with Asperger's, PTSD, and depression which I've all been diagnosed with.
Six years ago next week (November 28th), my wife and best friend of ten years walked out of our home and never came back. She said she was going on vacation to visit friends, gave me a hug, walked out the door, and met up with another guy in Sweden who she had been talking to online. She knew all along and lied to me for 6 months. We had dogs, cats, a house, a business, and what I thought was a beautiful, happy, fulfilling life together.
She motivated me to always be better. She encouraged me, enlightened me, and with her I was unstoppable. With her as my muse and my light, I finished college in two years, went to law school, had a regular 9-5, and came home to my beautiful wife every day….and I couldn't have been happier. I was so motivated to not only be the best person I could be but also to give back to the person who had made me so unbelievably happy. I would have done anything for her, and still would.
The pain of losing her sits on my chest every morning, afternoon and evening. It hurts every day. I can't get over it. Sure I was mad at first. Who wouldn't be?! But I've forgiven her and I still love her more I've ever loved anyone. She was the first and only person in my life who made me feel comfortable, loved, and happy. She was my home, and I've been homeless ever since. I've forgiven her for this horrible thing that she did, yet still, she won't even write back to me. Any reasonable person, given those facts, would fairly think I did something horrible to warrant that, but I didn't. It's the biggest mystery of my life, and having Asperger's doesn't help.
I've never met anyone who was as brilliant as her. She stimulated me in ways I didn't know were possible. She made me feel alive and made me feel happy to be alive.
She gave me life and then she took it back in worst way imaginable.
I can't trust people anymore. I can't let anyone in. I'm scared of everything and everyone. I'm terribly sad. I've tried so hard to move on, but it's futile. I can't imagine every being so in synch with another human, mostly because I've met a lot of people and they're all very dull in comparison.