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bunny_brownie9

bunny_brownie9

so terribly lost
Jan 1, 2024
96
does anyone else here have bipolar?
I was diagnosed 2 years ago @ 20. It's a big factor as to why I want to ctb.

it's a cruel illness and I hate the 'it's treatable'. It may be treatable but I want curable, but that's impossible.

how does it present in other people? does it impact you every day? I know little people with bipolar so I feel quite isolated regarding it
 
LoiteringClouds

LoiteringClouds

Tempus fugit
Feb 7, 2023
3,171
does anyone else here have bipolar?
I was diagnosed 2 years ago @ 20. It's a big factor as to why I want to ctb.
how does it present in other people? does it impact you every day? I know little people with bipolar so I feel quite isolated regarding it
I'm so sorry to hear you've suffered this extremely cruel fate.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II in 2018. Though my case is mild I guess, it was exhausting enough to drive me into several CTB attempts. My brain has been fried and I'm much slower than before.
My friend has bipolar I, and her life has been absolute hell. She's on welfare because she can't work normally because of the illness. She attempted CTB when she was about 13 and then found it's extremely difficult to complete. Since then she's not been thinking about it.

it's a cruel illness and I hate the 'it's treatable'. It may be treatable but I want curable, but that's impossible.
This statement is extremely cruel, because they basically want to say "it's not curable and even when it's not treatable, you'll be held accountable." Your illness drives you into doing things you don't want to, and then you get consequences - I'd say this is "cruel and unusual punishment!" I'm so sorry.
 
M

mrelief82

Broken to 1000 pcs
Nov 23, 2023
82
One of my diagnosis is bipolar but I dont have it, however I met people with this illness and it's hard I know
 
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Tommen Baratheon

Tommen Baratheon

1+1=3
Dec 26, 2023
49
I don't 'have' bipolar. I was labeled with bipolar type 1 in 1998 after experiencing psychosis. I take my meds and have been 'stable' for years, but the last few years it's getting worse, mainly depressive/suicidal thoughts. But I always wanted to die early. When I was 16 I did not want to hit 30 (I'm almost 50 now).

Taking your meds, avoiding stress and keeping a steady biorhythm (wake up and go to sleepnat the same time everyday) will help a lot.

About being cured: in Finland they use what is called Open Dialogue. When someone is in a crisis (psychotic) they will talk the person down and they prefer not giving meds. This way they have 'cure' people with schizophrenia (which is considered incurable, like bipolar. Search YouTube for 'open dialogue documentary'.
 
schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
I have bipolar disorder… not sure which one but i was diagnosed at 20. I was 5150ed during a manic episode and was on ADHD medication for about 5 years. Was never compliant with bipolar meds, as it was too many side effects for me. I am 29 now. Currently in the darkest depressive episode ive ever been in right now after a year-long manic episode that went undetected. I am the most suicidal i have ever been, and actively planning my CTB. Everyday is scary and painful, and my brain is deteriorating. I am a full on psychotic NEET right now.
 
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LetMeBeSad

LetMeBeSad

Student
Sep 21, 2023
123
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar non specified. I don't get the outright manic episodes all the time. Mostly hypomanic but for long periods of time. It definitely sucks. I have a few other initials too but, this one explained a lot of my behaviours.
 
Void Bound

Void Bound

Time to go quietly into the night...
Dec 18, 2023
9
I was diagnosed bipolar type 2 when I was 10. Been off and on meds all my life and I'm 42 now. I dislike taking meds and so have been good knowing when I need them and when I can taper off and self support.

I absolutely loved when I would have a manic episode. I would get so much done, and was super happy during them, working on different art or writing projects and having fun playing games and reading. I would handle all my chores and work quickly and well, even when I wouldn't sleep for 4 to 6 days. I was happy during them but I was also lucky to not have dangerous versions of manic episodes. The depression would not really be bad and then I had good support to get through them.

Then I got cancer, the super aggressive you don't have time for second opinion cancer. I immediatey started treatment and gone were all my hormones, and I tried to hang myself and would have been successful if cops didn't break in to get me. Fast forward to now.

I've not had a manic episode in over 5 years but plenty of deep depressive episodes and now my depression is growing rampart from my medical issues. What I wouldn't give to have those manic episodes again...to be happy once in 10 years again.
 
schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
I was diagnosed bipolar type 2 when I was 10. Been off and on meds all my life and I'm 42 now. I dislike taking meds and so have been good knowing when I need them and when I can taper off and self support.

I absolutely loved when I would have a manic episode. I would get so much done, and was super happy during them, working on different art or writing projects and having fun playing games and reading. I would handle all my chores and work quickly and well, even when I wouldn't sleep for 4 to 6 days. I was happy during them but I was also lucky to not have dangerous versions of manic episodes. The depression would not really be bad and then I had good support to get through them.

Then I got cancer, the super aggressive you don't have time for second opinion cancer. I immediatey started treatment and gone were all my hormones, and I tried to hang myself and would have been successful if cops didn't break in to get me. Fast forward to now.

I've not had a manic episode in over 5 years but plenty of deep depressive episodes and now my depression is growing rampart from my medical issues. What I wouldn't give to have those manic episodes again...to be happy once in 10 years again.
Everyone loves the manic episodes… it feels good. But the damage and embarrassment it causes in hindsight…. I have so much shame right now and i am so withdrawn from my usual places because of it. I dont know how much i can do this anymore. Its lonely, terrifying, isolating, and self destructive
 
sad_rock

sad_rock

lazyegg
Aug 27, 2023
160
on same boat except i hate/fear manic-psychotic episodes. diagnosed two years ago and it traumatized me so much i fear going out publicly anymore. lost all my friends and social life from it. i rather just cease than watch myself go slowly more insane.
 
schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
on same boat except i hate/fear manic-psychotic episodes. diagnosed two years ago and it traumatized me so much i fear going out publicly anymore. lost all my friends and social life from it. i rather just cease than watch myself go slowly more insane.
What type of manic episode did you have?
 
Tommen Baratheon

Tommen Baratheon

1+1=3
Dec 26, 2023
49
Everyone loves the manic episodes… it feels good. But the damage and embarrassment it causes in hindsight…. I have so much shame right now and i am so withdrawn from my usual places because of it. I dont know how much i can do this anymore. Its lonely, terrifying, isolating, and self destructive
You're both talking about hypomania. Type 2 has no manic episodes. It's very hard to function when you're experiencing full blown/psychotic mania.
 
L

lampe

Member
May 28, 2023
5
I have acents of bipolar disorder not quiet manic but hypomanic and bpd and psychosis also i am polytoxikomanic have depression and a behavior addictions and ptsd... Quiete a list i am in therapy right now but i dont have the strenght to fight dont know would like a partner to ctb and taking drugs till i we die dont know
 
schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
You're both talking about hypomania. Type 2 has no manic episodes. It's very hard to function when you're experiencing full blown/psychotic mania.
Hypomania is still pretty dangerous and destructive imo. You are still experiencing overconfidence, euphoria, risk taking behavior…. Its very noticeable to others.
 
Tommen Baratheon

Tommen Baratheon

1+1=3
Dec 26, 2023
49
Hypomania is still pretty dangerous and destructive imo. You are still experiencing overconfidence, euphoria, risk taking behavior…. Its very noticeable to others.
I never said hypomania isn't dangerous or destructive (I lost all my savings once, BEF 140.000, in 1997) though I disagree it being very noticeable to others. Most people who don't know about bipolar won't notice that something is wrong/different. Maybe they think the person is acting very enthusiastic or eccentric, not that they have to be admitted. Anyway, my main point was that if you're diagnosed type 2, then we're talking about hypomania and depression, but not mania.
 
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schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
I never said hypomania isn't dangerous or destructive (I lost all my savings once, BEF 140.000, in 1997) though I disagree it being very noticeable to others. Most people who don't know about bipolar won't notice that something is wrong/different. Maybe they think the person is acting very enthusiastic or eccentric, not that they have to be admitted. Anyway, my main point was that if you're diagnosed type 2, then we're talking about hypomania and depression, but not mania.
What if it was mania/depression back in 2015 but now hypomania/depression? Seems like i could fit the criteria for both diagnoses. Either way its a terrible illness and i am barely holding it together everyday
 
notforl0ng

notforl0ng

Student
Feb 19, 2024
111
I do. I'm hoping my mania is on my side around this time next month when the SN arrives lol. It let me ruin my entire own life, it would be a cruel joke if it wouldn't let me take it easily, too. It seems like one of the only ways to overcome SI is to genuinely ruin every prospect of good things in your life, so maybe I have that going for me and will be able to CTB soon. Even during my highest, happiest moments it's still in the back of my mind.
 
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Tommen Baratheon

Tommen Baratheon

1+1=3
Dec 26, 2023
49
What if it was mania/depression back in 2015 but now hypomania/depression? Seems like i could fit the criteria for both diagnoses. Either way its a terrible illness and i am barely holding it together everyday
Type 1 (mania/hypomania/depression) can not go back to type 2 (hypomania/depression). One manic episode is enough for them to label you type 1. But what you're describing can still be described as type 1.

Most important thing is that you're suffering now, no matter what label they've put on you.
 
schizochicken

schizochicken

Member
Feb 3, 2024
32
Type 1 (mania/hypomania/depression) can not go back to type 2 (hypomania/depression). One manic episode is enough for them to label you type 1. But what you're describing can still be described as type 1.

Most important thing is that you're suffering now, no matter what label they've put on you.
Exactly. Done a lot of research on it as well. Learning and understanding the illness. A lot of suicides happen to people with these SMI because its too much. I am in that position right now… its scary
 

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