Does anyone else have an offputting personality that makes them the workplace pariah?

[Mixo]

I used to meet criteria for BPD. That made most of my 20s pretty painful emotionally and while I protected my closest friendships from myself, I still pissed off a lot of people at work because I was standoffish, moody, and generally unsociable. This led to being bullied by coworkers. It's one of my worst social phobias - a group of people in a public setting shitting on you and generally agreeing about it. That happened to me before - once when I was in the same room and was heard/seen. I think back on those times and they still haunt me. I don't let people's actions or words fuck me up as much now, but thinking of all the times I didn't fit in in the past still hurts. Anyone else relate?

 

[blacktrain98]

I think depression has made me genuinely dumber, and I find my communication/speaking skills have weakened over the years. I'm a clinical dumbass and I can feel the rift between myself and others especially at work. I think a big part is being self-aware and just owning up to in a genuine, human-to-human way. Or bring snacks to work, those are my ins at least. Shit sucks though, I feel like I always have to be at 100% in order to function in a social setting

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

Yeah I feel you. It's made worse by the fact my office is coincidentally mostly women in their late 30's to 50's and I'm in my late 20's and a guy. So as a depressed drunk who smokes any time he's home and plays video games/sits on reddit/SS - it's even harder to fit in with these incredibly functional normal people.

They just talk about their partners or kids and family lives and I wince anxiously until the conversation can end. Then cos you're the odd one out you're constantly anxious they're just gonna exit you for someone else that fits in.

 

[Mixo]

I think depression has made me genuinely dumber, and I find my communication/speaking skills have weakened over the years. I'm a clinical dumbass and I can feel the rift between myself and others especially at work. I think a big part is being self-aware and just owning up to in a genuine, human-to-human way. Or bring snacks to work, those are my ins at least. Shit sucks though, I feel like I always have to be at 100% in order to function in a social setting

Please don't call yourself a dumbass. Depression and all the kinks that come with it really mess with a person's functioning. I'm sure the same can be true with other mental illness too. I get you on having to be at 100 percent though. Fake it til you make it works for most people, but it takes more energy for some of us.