Does anyone else have a tough time asking for help when they feel depressed?

[TapeMachine]

I always find that I feel ashamed of myself when I'm depressed, especially if I'm suicidal; so instead of being open like I'd normally be (on happier days), I distance myself from everyone and completely shut down.

I don't know how to ask others to be there for me like I secretly (but desperately) need. I push everyone away, which is very dangerous, because if I'm left to sit alone with my dark thoughts, I'll start to believe the negative things my mind keeps telling me (even if I know they aren't true. It's weird, I don't know.)

I'm probably going to delete this, because I feel uncomfortable revealing these things.

But I just want to know if anyone else has a similar problem like mine?

 

[Untimely]

I always find that I feel ashamed of myself when I'm depressed, especially if I'm suicidal; so instead of being open like I'd normally be (on happier days), I distance myself from everyone and completely shut down.

I don't know how to ask others to be there for me like I secretly (but desperately) need. I push everyone away, which is very dangerous, because if I'm left to sit alone with my dark thoughts, I'll start to believe the negative things my mind keeps telling me (even if I know they aren't true. It's weird, I don't know.)

I'm probably going to delete this, because I feel uncomfortable revealing these things.

But I just want to know if anyone else has a similar problem like mine?

yes you basically described exactly how i feel. i don't want to burden other people or over share to make other people uncomfortable. so i just kind of let my thoughts build up in my head :/ i'm normally pretty open too

 

[Gaming Chicken]

I do the same thing. In my mind it's "not their problem" and there are things that they could do to intervene which would absolutely screw things up for me.

 

[BringMeToLife]

I do. I'm not sure why. I know that everytime I do this, I end up with no one around me and it makes me feel even more lonely and desperate.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I think it's pretty common.

I've been known to go no contact for weeks at a time with everybody, when I'm particularly low. I even had my mum and uncle at my door one time because they thought I was dead for not returning their calls and messages. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone.

When you open up to someone, you run the risk of them using it against you. Even if they don't say anything directly, there's a possibility they'll see you in a different light.

Everybody should be on a need to know basis when it comes to your mental health.

 

[ScaryShark581]

I always find that I feel ashamed of myself when I'm depressed, especially if I'm suicidal; so instead of being open like I'd normally be (on happier days), I distance myself from everyone and completely shut down.

I don't know how to ask others to be there for me like I secretly (but desperately) need. I push everyone away, which is very dangerous, because if I'm left to sit alone with my dark thoughts, I'll start to believe the negative things my mind keeps telling me (even if I know they aren't true. It's weird, I don't know.)

I'm probably going to delete this, because I feel uncomfortable revealing these things.

But I just want to know if anyone else has a similar problem like mine?

Yes, I am in the exact same situation as you, Although I did manage to share some of my thoughts with a few friends a couple time I am ashamed bringing it up, even with the most understanding friend I have, I feel terrible when sharing. I also distanced myself from everyone a few months ago. I also feel its dangerous for me to be left alone with my thoughts as I have suicidal thoughts for hours sometimes.

 

[TapeMachine]

Thank you all for responding. I hate that so many of us feel this way though...

I really want to mend this dysfunctional part of myself so badly; (which is one reason I forced myself to make this thread) because if I carry on pushing others away when I need them most, this will inevitably lead to my demise sooner than later even though I'm not ready to leave just yet.

 

[Hotsackage]

im clinical everything i dont like telling people either. dont feel ashamed or less worth cause of faulty brain chemistry

 

[ScaryShark581]

Thank you all for responding. I hate that so many of us feel this way though...

I really want to mend this dysfunctional part of myself so badly; (which is one reason I forced myself to make this thread) because if I carry on pushing others away when I need them most, this will inevitably lead to my demise sooner than later even though I'm not ready to leave just yet.

I don't know how, but the way you are talking is like you are literally inside of my mind, I couldn't type out my feelings more accurately even if I tried. I just want you to know, I am here for you man, if you want to reach out, we can talk, anonymously, without judgement. I feel like being able to talk about someone in the same situation as me can really help me, if you feel the same, please reach out. Much love <3

 

[TapeMachine]

I don't know how, but the way you are talking is like you are literally inside of my mind, I couldn't type out my feelings more accurately even if I tried. I just want you to know, I am here for you man, if you want to reach out, we can talk, anonymously, without judgement. I feel like being able to talk about someone in the same situation as me can really help me, if you feel the same, please reach out. Much love <3

Aww, thank you for your kindness, really. I would love to talk with you, but I see that your post count is quite low. All that means is that you won't be able to send or receive private messages just yet.

But you can easily get that # up by going to the "off topic" area of the forum where you'll find all sorts of simple games in which you can post. That's how alot of members get their post count up so they can then access pm and the search function here.

 

[ScaryShark581]

Aww, thank you for your kindness, really. I would love to talk with you, but I see that your post count is quite low. All that means is that you won't be able to send or receive private messages just yet.

But you can easily get that # up by going to the "off topic" area of the forum where you'll find all sorts of simple games in which you can post. That's how alot of members get their post count up so they can then access pm and the search function here.

Oh I didn't know that, I am really new here as you can tell. Is there a specific number of posts I need to reach ?

 

[xanga]

I always find that I feel ashamed of myself when I'm depressed, especially if I'm suicidal; so instead of being open like I'd normally be (on happier days), I distance myself from everyone and completely shut down.

I don't know how to ask others to be there for me like I secretly (but desperately) need. I push everyone away, which is very dangerous, because if I'm left to sit alone with my dark thoughts, I'll start to believe the negative things my mind keeps telling me (even if I know they aren't true. It's weird, I don't know.)

I'm probably going to delete this, because I feel uncomfortable revealing these things.

But I just want to know if anyone else has a similar problem like mine?

Exact same problem , im always there for people when they need me but i dont know how to ask for help when i need it and i just start thinking that im fucking dumb because im always kind even to the people who is meant for me knowing that they Will forgot what i did for them in probably a few days , im always thinking about the only guy who is always kind to me , i think he is just lying and dont give a shit about me even if he said "yo bro if you need help just send a msg" but i dont feel good enough to ask him for help

You are not alone on this

 

[TapeMachine]

Oh I didn't know that, I am really new here as you can tell. Is there a specific number of posts I need to reach ?

I'm not really sure.. I think the number varies, maybe? But it seems like I recall having been able to access pm somewhere around my 15th-20th post? :)

 

[Why Me?]

Yup, most people are very stingy and selfish and will probably ghost me if I ask them for anything, it's clear to me now, but they will act like they really care. Some are sadistic, and want to do the least so they can continue to see me suffer. This is a nightmare.

 

[ScaryShark581]

Yup, most people are very stingy and selfish and will probably ghost me if I ask them for anything, it's clear to me now, but they will act like they really care. Some are sadistic, and want to do the least so they can continue to see me suffer. This is a nightmare.

I actually don't believe the people I reached out to want me to suffer, I believe they truly care about me, and want to help. People just simply don't understand, and every time I reach out its a burden for both me and I feel like its for them as well. I also keep a good amount of important details to myself.. so not alot of people really know how serious my situation is actually.

 

[BGooG]

I've had passive suicidal ideation for many years. Once, many years ago, I told my wife I was depressed. She yelled at me and told me how things were much worse for her, so she couldn't handle my being depressed. Since then I've never told anyone how I feel, other than writing anonymously on this forum.

The irony is that I work with, and am friends with, multiple clinical psychologists, one of whom specializes in suicide and suicidal ideation. But given my position at work I can't say anything. A number of years ago one of my closer colleagues/friends guessed that I was hiding depression due to one of my behavior patterns, and pressed me on it. I didn't confirm or deny anything. But it taught me that I need to hide my depression better.

 

[Kyuumin]

I just bottle everything up at this point. I don't want to bother anyone with my shitty problems anymore, I've already gave everyone around me a hard time.

 

[NorthernMonkey]

Yes. When I need help the most, I totally make light of everything, people around me will think I'm in a great mood. I don't know why, but I fight like crazy to mask my true emotions. People think I'm a good listener but really I would just rather hear about their issues than face my own.

 

[ScaryShark581]

Aww, thank you for your kindness, really. I would love to talk with you, but I see that your post count is quite low. All that means is that you won't be able to send or receive private messages just yet.

But you can easily get that # up by going to the "off topic" area of the forum where you'll find all sorts of simple games in which you can post. That's how alot of members get their post count up so they can then access pm and the search function here.

Hi there, it looks like I finally gained the ability to send private messages. I am going to sleep now, but feel free to reach out if you want.

Yes. When I need help the most, I totally make light of everything, people around me will think I'm in a great mood. I don't know why, but I fight like crazy to mask my true emotions. People think I'm a good listener but really I would just rather hear about their issues than face my own.

I really relate with that. I am sure if some people knew my true emotions they would be truly shocked. I look happy and I talk like nothings wrong most of the time, I have become really good at masking my true emotions and feelings, I rarely break down infront of people.

 

[Thisisme373]

I do the same & isolate myself. Doesn't help that a lot of my narcissistic family & even some of my "friends" don't like any "negativity" so when I have opened up they just give simple shitty answers while looking uncomfortable and basically try to change the topic, invalidate my suffering or try to subtly get away from me. They never ask since these conversations if I'm ok, they distance. Some even trash talk me about it being my back, which I found out about. Disgusting. I end up more isolated even when I've tried to reach out. Some good fucking friends and family
My experiences with humans is majority of them are repulsed by depression, they distance in subtle ways, be passive aggressive but in a covert way to try not look like the selfish assholes that they are but its not hard to see through them.
The worlds selfish and fucked up.
Me being at my lowest really highlighted how many shit people I'm surrounded by.
Out of my whole family and friends I feel I got 3 people who truly care.
I'm not saying this to put you off opening up, it's just my experience, you may have nicer family and friends. The people who truly care about you will have your back and not make you feel like a burden.