Does anyone else feel numb as their ctb date approaches?

[imstillhungry]

Maybe I've reached the final stage... acceptance. I'm not even sad anymore. I just feel nothing. Anyone else?

 

[Stan]

Very. I am just over a week away and I find myself being awake all night and sleeping all day. Have a few things left to do and just can't find the motivation.

 

[SoupSnakes]

I'm just over a week away also and I feel nothing. The only thing I'm really struggling with is not being able to see my dog anymore as he's pretty much the only thing that keeps me going but then I guess I won't be here so it won't really matter! I've fully accepted my fate

 

[imstillhungry]

Very. I am just over a week away and I find myself being awake all night and sleeping all day. Have a few things left to do and just can't find the motivation.

I'm the same with sleeping a lot and the lack of motivation. I don't even have the energy to cry anymore. Just patiently waiting

I'm just over a week away also and I feel nothing. The only thing I'm really struggling with is not being able to see my dog anymore as he's pretty much the only thing that keeps me going but then I guess I won't be here so it won't really matter! I've fully accepted my fate

Dogs are the purest things in this world. May you see him/her again wherever we end up

 

[passenger27]

I feel indifferent to everything. Movies, books, food...it's all pretty much meh. I've got around 4 days left, and I want to enjoy things here at the end, but what's to enjoy? If I was that thrilled about anything this wouldn't be the last 4 days.

 

[imstillhungry]

I feel indifferent to everything. Movies, books, food...it's all pretty much meh. I've got around 4 days left, and I want to enjoy things here at the end, but what's to enjoy? If I was that thrilled about anything this wouldn't be the last 4 days.

I feel you. I thought I'd spend my last days living it up, going on a last vacation, blowing my money on expensive hotels, etc. In reality I have no energy or motivation for anything. Tbh when I'm dead it won't make much difference how I spent my last days. I'm just patiently waiting now

 

[Moonicide]

I go from being numb to emotional. Because I am still in contact with my friends and my boyfriend. None of them know, and I know I will leave a box of darkness that they will all have to carry throughout their existence. I get emotional because I still smile and I still laugh, there are still brief moments I enjoy in life -- which are with my friends. I'm still human. But it is all so temporary, you know? My situation will not get better.

I've had people tell me not to leave them and how they'll be right behind me if I do exit this world. But I can't keep suffering out of the love I have for others. It's one of the reasons why I lived so long. Because I love and loved. But you can have and receive all the love in the world, it doesn't change anything. At least in my situation... I think at the same time I'm also in disbelief. I've been taking the Meclizine already so I can prepare for SN. I can't believe it's happening... I'm thinking of postponing about a day or two as I don't want to die on Thanksgiving.

 

[lightsoutnow]

I feel you. I thought I'd spend my last days living it up, going on a last vacation, blowing my money on expensive hotels, etc. In reality I have no energy or motivation for anything. Tbh when I'm dead it won't make much difference how I spent my last days. I'm just patiently waiting now

I felt the same but then went ahead with travel plans anyway because it's easier to ctb overseas and i thought "meh, why not i've nothing to lose."

...yep, still couldn't really enjoy anything. spent a lot of time just lying in bed and crying or in pain. had a few failed SN deliveries so i had to delay my preferred date and place to ctb

 

[imstillhungry]

I felt the same but then went ahead with travel plans anyway because it's easier to ctb overseas and i thought "meh, why not i've nothing to lose."

...yep, still couldn't really enjoy anything. spent a lot of time just lying in bed and crying or in pain. had a few failed SN deliveries so i had to delay my preferred date and place to ctb

I think that's what would happen to me too, I'd spend my days in bed and not enjoy anything. When you're about to end your life, it's a little late for enjoying or gaining any happiness from a vacation lol. I also planned on ctb abroad, but my family would definitely bring my body back so no point putting that financial burden on them. Hope you find peace when the time comes

I go from being numb to emotional. Because I am still in contact with my friends and my boyfriend. None of them know, and I know I will leave a box of darkness that they will all have to carry throughout their existence. I get emotional because I still smile and I still laugh, there are still brief moments I enjoy in life -- which are with my friends. I'm still human. But it is all so temporary, you know? My situation will not get better.

I've had people tell me not to leave them and how they'll be right behind me if I do exit this world. But I can't keep suffering out of the love I have for others. It's one of the reasons why I lived so long. Because I love and loved. But you can have and receive all the love in the world, it doesn't change anything. At least in my situation... I think at the same time I'm also in disbelief. I've been taking the Meclizine already so I can prepare for SN. I can't believe it's happening... I'm thinking of postponing about a day or two as I don't want to die on Thanksgiving.

It sounds like you have a good support system and you'll be missed by many. Not one single person on this planet will give a fuck when I'm gone. It's hard to die knowing that. I hope you find the peace you're looking for. Hope we'll all meet on the other side and finally be happy

 

[BridgeJumper]

No, mostly I feel weepy and agitated. And when Im closeto going through with it I someties legit freak out

 

[Ark]

Nothing, it sucks too. But nothing matters anymore. I was initially hoping I would save up a few hundred to go to the casino the night before and have a little fun one last time. I spent the money to get N and now find myself not even caring. Nothing matters, and that in itself is a terrible feeling.

 

[Meant2Die]

Maybe I've reached the final stage... acceptance. I'm not even sad anymore. I just feel nothing. Anyone else?

I really wish to get to that point bc let me tell you that having random outburst of crying whenever I think about leaving my loved ones isn't that fun to deal with. But with each cry i hope i get closer and closer to acceptance bc when that day comes I want to be emotionally rock solid.

 

[pole]

wish i'd be at a point where everything including wanting to suicide made me feel numb. would've been easiee in going through with it and getting something in life done for once.