Does anyone else feel like they've had an awful lot of crappy people in their lives?

[Bojangles]

When I think back on my life and the relationships I've had, it seems like the majority of the people I've been remotely close with were abusive or unpleasant in some way. It started with my parents and extended family members and continued with friendships, relationships and interactions with coworkers. I think this is a big part of the reason I feel suicidal now. I just seem to bring out the worst in people, and at this point in my life I'm actually afraid of forming new relationships or even engaging superficially, because I've had so many horrible experiences and I find no reason to expect that things will be different going forward. It makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that's bringing so much negativity into my life. Others seem to describe pleasant enough interactions and relationships, but for me being engaged socially has felt like subjecting myself to a never-ending barrage of attacks.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I sympathize and definitely feel this way. There have been some genuinely good and nice people in my life but the vast majority have been bad. Especially relationships.. ever since I lost my soul mate every relationship has been abusive and that has just brought me down further. I often wonder what is it about me that attracts the abusers and why do others seem to easily find loving understanding partners. It has 100% contributed to my reasons for ctb.

 

[CornerE]

@Bojangles and @Raven Moon that's the very same with me .
Every time I end up with the same crap , that I no longer can talk myself into getting close to anyone .

It's not just us though , most people face those kind of struggles with all kinds of relationships in general .

Some think life is worth putting up with that shit ( specially if they luckily haven't had too much to break them ) .

Some - like us - have had enough , they can't tolerate anymore pain .

It's not a disease nor a mental disorder , it's just lack of luck that leads to a miserable life that you can't come in terms with no matter how hard you try .

Nothing is worth putting up with all that pressure over and over again .

It's like a wicked spell .
Death will definitely break it , though .

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I think I persued people in the past to replace lost/past abusers .

It was all that I knew.

A perversion of values ... needing to be put down and treated badly
because that was my program .

I felt I didn't deserve to be cared for ?

My last gf really started to syphon my time and resources and I let it go for a while to
see how blatant it would get .

Then I ended it when evidence of her dishonesty was too embarassing .

Perhaps I should have argued and discussed ... but I had decided early on to just observe
rather than 'fight for my rights' , because I no longer valued the relationship.

I was still in the sober alcoholic DT's though ,,, ( 3 years in is noticeably saner ) but still.

Friends I had and have recently back burnered big time , if not off the stove ,
are successful and charismatic and make me feel like a failure . Fuck that .
I think I wooed them for the reflected glory ?

Fuck all that shit .
I'm me now .

Live or die - my call , my values ... ( wow )