Venting Does anyone else feel like they just don’t get it...

[SimplyTopHat]

I have this idea in my head that something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm always saying the wrong thing, like I don't understand how to be a real person- let alone friend. I keep trying to be better, do better- but I'm just a bad person who remembers weird things about you. (I've been told I buy good gifts)

My walls are closing in &I am so exhausted. I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I am the problem that I cannot solve. I'm screaming internally &I can't seem to make it stop.

I still don't have what I need to CTB. &these feelings are so unbearable.

What's wrong with me?

EDITS: Spelling/Missing Info. (Phone glitched &posted too soon)

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey honey..remembering weird things about ppl n being told u buy good gifts doesn't sound like a "bad person" to me..?

What makes u a bad person/friend?

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I try to be a good person, but I just say the wrong things. Frankly, I don't feel worthy of the friendships I've made thus far &the ones I've lost remind me that nobody cares.
Alone with my thoughts &the torment it brings, that's what I have to look forward to.

 

[Lostandfound7]

"Wrong" things like what?

Can u give an example?

 

[Mr2005]

I try to be a good person, but I just say the wrong things. Frankly, I don't feel worthy of the friendships I've made thus far &the ones I've lost remind me that nobody cares.
Alone with my thoughts &the torment it brings, that's what I have to look forward to.

I do that all the damn time. Try this for size. I asked for deodorant in a shop and said it was for them. What I meant was their benefit. I stank but not half as much as I did at conversation. The worst thing is I'm not stupid at all so I know exactly what I've done and exactly what they're thinking. If they only knew. We need to evolve to just know what's in each others hearts so we don't have to open our big traps anymore. So many problems are just misunderstanding

 

[michaelbrownlee]

I have this idea in my head that something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm always saying the wrong thing, like I don't understand how to be a real person- let alone friend. I keep trying to be better, do better- but I'm just a bad person who remembers weird things about you. (I've been told I buy good gifts)

My walls are closing in &I am so exhausted. I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I am the problem that I cannot solve. I'm screaming internally &I can't seem to make it stop.

I still don't have what I need to CTB. &these feelings are so unbearable.

What's wrong with me?

EDITS: Spelling/Missing Info. (Phone glitched &posted too soon)

Whatever is wrong with you is whatever is wrong with me. I feel like everyone else got the memo on how to "just be happy" and I'm here putting together a puzzle with missing pieces. Gonna get a gun so I stop asking myself why people don't like me even though I help and support people and volunteer to save lives.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

"Wrong" things like what?

Can u give an example?

It's hard to explain, I just feel like I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth. Or I don't know how to connect with people, like I feel what they do- to a fault at times, but I can't find the words to let them know I understand. Or I end up spewing way too much about myself &scaring people off. I don't mean to, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

People have called me selfish, &that couldn't be further from the truth.

I do that all the damn time. Try this for size. I asked for deodorant in a shop and said it was for them. What I meant was their benefit. I stank but not half as much as I did at conversation. The worst thing is I'm not stupid at all so I know exactly what I've done and exactly what they're thinking. If they only knew. We need to evolve to just know what's in each others hearts so we don't have to open our big traps anymore. So many problems are just misunderstanding

Yeah... I just don't get it. Why is it so easy for other people?

Whatever is wrong with you is whatever is wrong with me. I feel like everyone else got the memo on how to "just be happy" and I'm here putting together a puzzle with missing pieces. Gonna get a gun so I stop asking myself why people don't like me even though I help and support people and volunteer to save lives.

Yeah... I want to be a good person, go out of my way in most cases.

Man, I just want so badly to be a good person, to be liked for who I am &people still treat me like I'm nothing. I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

 

[all told]

It's hard to explain, I just feel like I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth. Or I don't know how to connect with people, like I feel what they do- to a fault at times, but I can't find the words to let them know I understand. Or I end up spewing way too much about myself &scaring people off. I don't mean to, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

People have called me selfish, &that couldn't be further from the truth.


Yeah... I just don't get it. Why is it so easy for other people?


Yeah... I want to be a good person, go out of my way in most cases.

Man, I just want so badly to be a good person, to be liked for who I am &people still treat me like I'm nothing. I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

Hi, SimplyTopHat,

If I am overstepping the line, no pressure to answer, but are you/do you think you might be autistic? Obviously, I don't know you, and I'm fully aware I shouldn't be armchair diagnosing people I've never interacted with, but your words really struck a chord with me. I'm autistic (diagnosed later in life), and I've felt the exact same way you do. You sound just like me. For me, life post-diagnosis didn't get any easier or better (sorry for that ray of sunshine there), but it at least answered a lot of questions about why I was evidently so alien in the world.

In any case, autism or not, you don't sound like a bad person in the slightest. Quite the opposite. I would love to have a kind, highly empathetic person like you as a friend.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Hi, SimplyTopHat,

If I am overstepping the line, no pressure to answer, but are you/do you think you might be autistic? Obviously, I don't know you, and I'm fully aware I shouldn't be armchair diagnosing people I've never interacted with, but your words really struck a chord with me. I'm autistic (diagnosed later in life), and I've felt the exact same way you do. You sound just like me. For me, life post-diagnosis didn't get any easier or better (sorry for that ray of sunshine there), but it at least answered a lot of questions about why I was evidently so alien in the world.

In any case, autism or not, you don't sound like a bad person in the slightest. Quite the opposite. I would love to have a kind, highly empathetic person like you as a friend.

Hi All Told,

Thank you for your support, truly I appreciate it. The thought had crossed my mind, though I don't know if it's founded in fact or simply a desperate need for something else to be the cause of what's wrong with me.
From what you've shared, it sounds like we do have similarities &that unfortunately makes me sad. Feeling other'd or like an outsider makes living through the day to day a challenge few people should ever have to live with.

I hope you're keep well. :)

 

[LonelySoul]

It's hard to explain, I just feel like I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth. Or I don't know how to connect with people, like I feel what they do- to a fault at times, but I can't find the words to let them know I understand. Or I end up spewing way too much about myself &scaring people off. I don't mean to, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

People have called me selfish, &that couldn't be further from the truth.


Yeah... I just don't get it. Why is it so easy for other people?


Yeah... I want to be a good person, go out of my way in most cases.

Man, I just want so badly to be a good person, to be liked for who I am &people still treat me like I'm nothing. I figure out what I'm doing wrong.

I am a chatty and friendly person, yet I have no friends whom I can go out for a coffee with, or just hang around with. I have had friends in the past, but when they have decided their lives have got busier and they no longer need me in it, they have let our friendship fall by the wayside, despite me trying to revive it. I too consider myself giving and generous, but many people have taken advantage of that over the years and this is where I find myself in life, friendless. Loneliness affects people from all walks of life and all ages, but it is harder to admit and even harder for others to understand. I am fed up with hearing their platitudes about how I should join clubs and societies to make friends, blah, blah. I always try and be positive, even when I am not feeling so. I feel like my world is imploding more and more each day.

I bet you feel lost and alone and long for a friend. I bet also that you are a really good and kind soul and maybe people take advantage of that.

 

[GHOST99]

I think I can understand what you mean. It's like something feels "off" or you're out of place? idk, I feel that kinda stuff too. like i can talk to people but i can't form a bond or sustain a connection with others & the relationship feels false even if there's no malicious intent on either side

maybe feeling like a floater or a ghost

Would it be related to any dissociation?

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I am a chatty and friendly person, yet I have no friends whom I can go out for a coffee with, or just hang around with. I have had friends in the past, but when they have decided their lives have got busier and they no longer need me in it, they have let our friendship fall by the wayside, despite me trying to revive it. I too consider myself giving and generous, but many people have taken advantage of that over the years and this is where I find myself in life, friendless. Loneliness affects people from all walks of life and all ages, but it is harder to admit and even harder for others to understand. I am fed up with hearing their platitudes about how I should join clubs and societies to make friends, blah, blah. I always try and be positive, even when I am not feeling so. I feel like my world is imploding more and more each day.

I bet you feel lost and alone and long for a friend. I bet also that you are a really good and kind soul and maybe people take advantage of that.

I feel this on a personal level. &you're right, it's a lonely place to be in your life. It makes it harder for you to keep trying, but at the same time the loneliness/desire for companionship pushes you forward, like a horse with a carrot dangling in front of its face.

When I think about the friends I have, I realize how distant I am from them. How I just don't fit into their lived &how my MH makes me feel like a ticking time bomb bc the episodic depression &self loathing isn't something I feel comfortable sharing out of a fear of judgement, but also out of guilt- how dare I worry them with my thoughts of suicide or depressed mood. *sigh* I understand (maybe not completely bc I haven't lived a day in your life) but the desire to shut down &the feeling that you're moments away from implosion, makes it feel like you're walking on eggshells with yourse

I think I can understand what you mean. It's like something feels "off" or you're out of place? idk, I feel that kinda stuff too. like i can talk to people but i can't form a bond or sustain a connection with others & the relationship feels false even if there's no malicious intent on either side

maybe feeling like a floater or a ghost

Would it be related to any dissociation?

It almost feels like you're clocking into a job where you're interacting with others, but once that "shift" is over, you walk away just as lonely - if not more so than when you started.


I'm not sure, I mean for myself, dissociation happens when I'm emotionally overwhelmed &I begin to shutdown; when it's too much for me to process. So I "take a step back" &live on autopilot so I can get through the day. I'm not exactly sure if this is what happens with you.

Can you describe how it feels/happens with you?

 

[stupidmansuit]

I try to be a good person, but I just say the wrong things. Frankly, I don't feel worthy of the friendships I've made thus far &the ones I've lost remind me that nobody cares.
Alone with my thoughts &the torment it brings, that's what I have to look forward to.

I know what you mean, there's a very, very narrow line with what you can say in general, without someone taking offense, some people can toe this line very well and come off as personable, it's all fake though, it's all 'game' and I personally don't think it's worth selling your soul just so people will like you.

 

[absurd_to_the_end]

It's hard to explain, I just feel like I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth. Or I don't know how to connect with people, like I feel what they do- to a fault at times, but I can't find the words to let them know I understand. Or I end up spewing way too much about myself &scaring people off. I don't mean to, I don't even realize I'm doing it.

People have called me selfish, &that couldn't be further from the truth.

I can definitely relate to this - appearing from the outside to be un-empathetic and selfish because of difficulty expressing yourself and reacting to other people. When in fact you are just the opposite and feel for people deeply.

I have always struggled with this. I have some co-workers who I think understand me better, but that's because we have been 'stuck' with each other long enough that they see the real me. Potential friends don't tend to stay around long enough to get past first impressions.

It almost feels like you're clocking into a job where you're interacting with others, but once that "shift" is over, you walk away just as lonely - if not more so than when you started.

You have described this very well. And I'm sorry that I don't have any good advice. I've been told that I just need to get out more and interact and it will get easier. For me it doesn't, there's a disconnect that I cannot seem to fix, and multiplying the failures does not make it easier, it just makes me want to give up more.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I know what you mean, there's a very, very narrow line with what you can say in general, without someone taking offense, some people can toe this line very well and come off as personable, it's all fake though, it's all 'game' and I personally don't think it's worth selling your soul just so people will like you.

You're right about that, though younger me was painfully lonely &bullied often both at home &at school- when I believed that I was the problem in those situations, it was easier to change than be ostracized or become the target for bullies. Believe me when I say that I have legitimately wanted to die since I was in elementary school, being a chameleon is the only reason I'm still around today.

I don't carry the same view of being a chameleon these days unless I'm at work. Otherwise, I'm too angry most days to give a shit about others on the grand scale, which fucks with my inner values bc I don't have the energy to care anymore.

I can definitely relate to this - appearing from the outside to be un-empathetic and selfish because of difficulty expressing yourself and reacting to other people. When in fact you are just the opposite and feel for people deeply.

I have always struggled with this. I have some co-workers who I think understand me better, but that's because we have been 'stuck' with each other long enough that they see the real me. Potential friends don't tend to stay around long enough to get past first impressions.




You have described this very well. And I'm sorry that I don't have any good advice. I've been told that I just need to get out more and interact and it will get easier. For me it doesn't, there's a disconnect that I cannot seem to fix, and multiplying the failures does not make it easier, it just makes me want to give up more.

Yea, it's hard to feel accepted when people see you as odd, off or other just bc social interaction is difficult.

I hope you didn't feel obligated to give advice, you support &empathy are just as important.

Thank you.

 

[LonelySoul]

I feel this on a personal level. &you're right, it's a lonely place to be in your life. It makes it harder for you to keep trying, but at the same time the loneliness/desire for companionship pushes you forward, like a horse with a carrot dangling in front of its face.

When I think about the friends I have, I realize how distant I am from them. How I just don't fit into their lived &how my MH makes me feel like a ticking time bomb bc the episodic depression &self loathing isn't something I feel comfortable sharing out of a fear of judgement, but also out of guilt- how dare I worry them with my thoughts of suicide or depressed mood. *sigh* I understand (maybe not completely bc I haven't lived a day in your life) but the desire to shut down &the feeling that you're moments away from implosion, makes it feel like you're walking on eggshells with yourse

The social media platitude "it is okay not to be okay" I am rather sick of now. Everyone says it, everyone says, "be kind" but putting into practise that's when they fail...and actually, that kind of makes me feel better, because I know that I can listen to someone who feels like shit, I know that I can empathise and know that when they say they don't wanna live anymore, then I won't judge them. The art of listening is lacking, truly listening and not adding your own opinion. I think people are too busy to truly listen to someone who feels like we all feel.

It would be kind of nice if we could all sit around and take it in turns to listen to each other's stories, feelings. We all have something in common, all depressed and want to exit the world sooner.

I have this idea in my head that something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm always saying the wrong thing, like I don't understand how to be a real person- let alone friend. I keep trying to be better, do better- but I'm just a bad person who remembers weird things about you. (I've been told I buy good gifts)

My walls are closing in &I am so exhausted. I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I am the problem that I cannot solve. I'm screaming internally &I can't seem to make it stop.

I still don't have what I need to CTB. &these feelings are so unbearable.

What's wrong with me?

EDITS: Spelling/Missing Info. (Phone glitched &posted too soon)

Remembering weird things about a person is okay, as long as you don't use those weird things against anyone in a horrible way. You're not a bad person, you quite likely have not met the right people, your tribe of people you were meant to meet.

I hold out this hope too of meeting the right kind of people. I am on another social media platform in which I am popular, but I have never met them in person. We are all far flung in the country and we can connect on social media, but I would prefer face-to-face connections.

Even though I have grown through life always having feelings of suicide, they have been lessened when I have had good friendships. However, I do despair at the fickle nature of human relation ships. I put 100% into a friendship, but often get back half of that.

You buy good gifts, I really hope that the people you buy those gifts for appreciate you and the gift.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

The social media platitude "it is okay not to be okay" I am rather sick of now. Everyone says it, everyone says, "be kind" but putting into practise that's when they fail...and actually, that kind of makes me feel better, because I know that I can listen to someone who feels like shit, I know that I can empathise and know that when they say they don't wanna live anymore, then I won't judge them. The art of listening is lacking, truly listening and not adding your own opinion. I think people are too busy to truly listen to someone who feels like we all feel.

It would be kind of nice if we could all sit around and take it in turns to listen to each other's stories, feelings. We all have something in common, all depressed and want to exit the world sooner.

Remembering weird things about a person is okay, as long as you don't use those weird things against anyone in a horrible way. You're not a bad person, you quite likely have not met the right people, your tribe of people you were meant to meet.

I hold out this hope too of meeting the right kind of people. I am on another social media platform in which I am popular, but I have never met them in person. We are all far flung in the country and we can connect on social media, but I would prefer face-to-face connections.

Even though I have grown through life always having feelings of suicide, they have been lessened when I have had good friendships. However, I do despair at the fickle nature of human relation ships. I put 100% into a friendship, but often get back half of that.

You buy good gifts, I really hope that the people you buy those gifts for appreciate you and the gift.

I, 100% agree with you, most people do only listen just so they can speak. You know, I heard somewhere, I don't remember if it was in therapy or through my own research, but apparently isn't so much our topic of suicide, death or depression that make people uncomfortable, more so coming face to face with their own mortality. Plainly, it makes them uncomfortable to think about, so they feel the need to change the subject or shut down your thoughts/feelings.

Oh, wouldn't that be nice. A truly safe space to open up... I've only ever found that in therapy (Group or individual). It definitely needs to happen more often than not. Though, that's why I'm glad I found this place; save for a few people here & there, I don't feel judged for my opinions. I feel open to talk about whatever, though, the ones that are more "judgemental" are in my opinion, lacking more so in interpersonal communication skills. There are ways to make a point without being rude, some just don't know how or their pain prevents them from empathizing. I've been curt with a few people when I was mad at something else. *Shrugs* Grain of salt.

Oh no, I'm not one to do that. I'd sooner take it to the grave. I've been bullied far too often in my life, childhood, teens, adulthood... people can be real pricks when they want to be. *sigh* So I try to use the random things I know for good, instead of "evil."

I feel you, having real, genuine connections with others is by far the greatest "drug". Anything other than face to face conversation makes me incredibly anxious bc I can't see what they're doing (stems from trauma). What does that feel like, popularity? How does it benefit you? (I mean no ill will by these questions, I am genuinely curious) It's unfortunate that you guys cannot meet up, though at least you can remain in contact.

Yeah? That makes a lot of sense. Having real human connection makes life seem a lot less... heavy. Oh, well that's an annoying circumstance to find yourself in- like frienship limbo. Curious, what does putting 100% in look like to you?

I've since stopped buying gifts on a large scale. I used to buy them spontaneously for anyone in my circle, but now I buy the occasional thing here & there, but I've been burned so many times that I don't trust anyone even close friends (ties in with my diagnosis). So the gift buying tends to fall during fleeting moments of impulsive elation. (Oops). They enjoy them from what I understand, I just feel like I don't belong anywhere most days... so it's few & far between now.

 

[Suez]

Hi All Told,

Thank you for your support, truly I appreciate it. The thought had crossed my mind, though I don't know if it's founded in fact or simply a desperate need for something else to be the cause of what's wrong with me.
From what you've shared, it sounds like we do have similarities &that unfortunately makes me sad. Feeling other'd or like an outsider makes living through the day to day a challenge few people should ever have to live with.

I hope you're keep well. :)

I must say "All Told" kinda took the words out of my mouth too. I have Aspergers, which is on the autism spectrum. I was also diagnosed later in life. But the things your saying about yourself, feeling like your constantly putting your foot in it, saying the wrong things, feeling like you are a gd person but people dont see that. I get all of that, i understand it all too well. For me i find social situations really difficult. I want to be around people and have relationships but its like they just dont go down well with me. I just dont seem to fit in like other people. I believe that i truly am and completely selfless (Not selfish) person. I always have peoples best interests in mind, i care alot about other people and go out of my way to help people. But people find me awkward sometimes,or find the things i say, not quite right. I could never figure out what was wrong with me. When i was diagnosed it was like having a light switch come on. Everything they described about people with Aspergers, that was me. Im also quite intelligent too, which is also another feature. For me, after getting diagnosed, i got alot of assistance in learning how to socialise with people in a different way. I started to learn things about my behaviour which i was able to change to make it both easier for myself and other people. I dont feel as awkward as i used to now and i dont get the awkward stares i used to get from people when i was talking. Ive learnt some good tools that help me to fit in better and i like how it makes me feel. So finding out you have a condition like Aspergers is not the end of the world. Ive just learnt more about myself than i knew before. Maybe go see your Dr and ask them if they could arrange for you to be tested or seen by an expert.

 

[Suez]

I have this idea in my head that something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm always saying the wrong thing, like I don't understand how to be a real person- let alone friend. I keep trying to be better, do better- but I'm just a bad person who remembers weird things about you. (I've been told I buy good gifts)

My walls are closing in &I am so exhausted. I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I am the problem that I cannot solve. I'm screaming internally &I can't seem to make it stop.

I still don't have what I need to CTB. &these feelings are so unbearable.

What's wrong with me?

EDITS: Spelling/Missing Info. (Phone glitched &posted too soon)

II think i accidentally replied to "All Told" but this was meant to go to "Simply Top Hat". Hey Simply Top Hat, I have Aspergers, which is on the autism spectrum. I was also diagnosed later in life. But the things your saying about yourself, a feeling in your head like theres something wrong with you, feeling like your constantly putting your foot in it, saying the wrong things, feeling like you are a gd person but people dont see that. I get all of that, i understand it all too well. For me i find social situations really difficult. I want to be around people and have relationships but its like they just dont go down well with me. I just dont seem to fit in like other people. I believe that i truly am a completely selfless (Not selfish) person. I always have peoples best interests in mind, i care alot about other people and go out of my way to help people. But people find me awkward sometimes,or find the things i say, not quite right. I could never figure out what was wrong with me. When i was diagnosed it was like having a light switch come on. Everything they described about people with Aspergers, that was me. Im also quite intelligent too, which is also another feature. For me, after getting diagnosed, i got alot of assistance in learning how to socialise with people in a different way. I started to learn things about my behaviour which i was able to change to make it both easier for myself and other people. I dont feel as awkward as i used to now and i dont get the awkward stares i used to get from people when i was talking. Ive learnt some good tools that help me to fit in better and i like how it makes me feel. Im so glad i have an answer now. I dont care that i have Aspergers cos now i know what it is i can start getting to understand it and stop being so hard on myself, cos its not my fault. So finding out you have a condition like Aspergers is not the end of the world. Ive just learnt more about myself than i knew before. Maybe go see your Dr and ask them if they could arrange for you to be tested or seen by an expert.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

I must say "All Told" kinda took the words out of my mouth too. I have Aspergers, which is on the autism spectrum. I was also diagnosed later in life. But the things your saying about yourself, feeling like your constantly putting your foot in it, saying the wrong things, feeling like you are a gd person but people dont see that. I get all of that, i understand it all too well. For me i find social situations really difficult. I want to be around people and have relationships but its like they just dont go down well with me. I just dont seem to fit in like other people. I believe that i truly am and completely selfless (Not selfish) person. I always have peoples best interests in mind, i care alot about other people and go out of my way to help people. But people find me awkward sometimes,or find the things i say, not quite right. I could never figure out what was wrong with me. When i was diagnosed it was like having a light switch come on. Everything they described about people with Aspergers, that was me. Im also quite intelligent too, which is also another feature. For me, after getting diagnosed, i got alot of assistance in learning how to socialise with people in a different way. I started to learn things about my behaviour which i was able to change to make it both easier for myself and other people. I dont feel as awkward as i used to now and i dont get the awkward stares i used to get from people when i was talking. Ive learnt some good tools that help me to fit in better and i like how it makes me feel. So finding out you have a condition like Aspergers is not the end of the world. Ive just learnt more about myself than i knew before. Maybe go see your Dr and ask them if they could arrange for you to be tested or seen by an expert.

I'm happy to hear that your diagnosis helped you, I honestly can't imagine how cathartic that must have felt. It really does sound like it opened doors for you & that makes me happy for you. :)

I'm definitely thinking about going to my DR about, I'm just nervous about asking. I don't want him to think I'm overthinking it &dismiss it as anxiety or something. I just want to make sure it sounds like me before I approach him. Thank you for the suggestion though, hearing you say it makes me feel more confident about speaking with him.

 

[revolucion]

I have this idea in my head that something is wrong with me. I feel like I'm always saying the wrong thing, like I don't understand how to be a real person- let alone friend. I keep trying to be better, do better- but I'm just a bad person who remembers weird things about you. (I've been told I buy good gifts)

My walls are closing in &I am so exhausted. I can't sleep. I have nightmares. I am the problem that I cannot solve. I'm screaming internally &I can't seem to make it stop.

I still don't have what I need to CTB. &these feelings are so unbearable.

What's wrong with me?

EDITS: Spelling/Missing Info. (Phone glitched &posted too soon)

Hmm

 

[Suez]

I'm happy to hear that your diagnosis helped you, I honestly can't imagine how cathartic that must have felt. It really does sound like it opened doors for you & that makes me happy for you. :)

I'm definitely thinking about going to my DR about, I'm just nervous about asking. I don't want him to think I'm overthinking it &dismiss it as anxiety or something. I just want to make sure it sounds like me before I approach him. Thank you for the suggestion though, hearing you say it makes me feel more confident about speaking with him.

Im so glad. Theres so much information out there on Aspergers and like every diagnosis on the autism spectrum, there are degrees of Aspergers and these degrees lie at different places on the continuim. You can be mildy or severely affected by Aspergers, but you certainly sound like you have aspects of Aspergers, more than aspects actually. If your Dr does dismiss it as anxiety, the go to someone else. Other symptoms of Aspergers include, having a typically above average intelligence, lack of social awareness, difficulty in making &sustaining friendships,inability to infer the thoughts,feelings or emotions of others, trouble looking people in the eyes, inability to perceive non verbal cues ......(there are more symptoms) and you dont need to have all of these symptoms to have Aspergers.

 

[bpdandme]

We sound very similar - what I've realised is I don't judge people or hate people when they say something wrong, everyone does it. There is not a "right" way to operate or be human. You are probably around the wrong people, are they making you feel judged or that you're doing things wrong? You sound like a very good person who is trying to improve themselves, there is nothing wrong with being quirky either! Embrace yourself and don't judge others or feel threatened by your belief they are judging you.
Sending love!

 

[LonelySoul]

I, 100% agree with you, most people do only listen just so they can speak. You know, I heard somewhere, I don't remember if it was in therapy or through my own research, but apparently isn't so much our topic of suicide, death or depression that make people uncomfortable, more so coming face to face with their own mortality. Plainly, it makes them uncomfortable to think about, so they feel the need to change the subject or shut down your thoughts/feelings.

Oh, wouldn't that be nice. A truly safe space to open up... I've only ever found that in therapy (Group or individual). It definitely needs to happen more often than not. Though, that's why I'm glad I found this place; save for a few people here & there, I don't feel judged for my opinions. I feel open to talk about whatever, though, the ones that are more "judgemental" are in my opinion, lacking more so in interpersonal communication skills. There are ways to make a point without being rude, some just don't know how or their pain prevents them from empathizing. I've been curt with a few people when I was mad at something else. *Shrugs* Grain of salt.

Oh no, I'm not one to do that. I'd sooner take it to the grave. I've been bullied far too often in my life, childhood, teens, adulthood... people can be real pricks when they want to be. *sigh* So I try to use the random things I know for good, instead of "evil."

I feel you, having real, genuine connections with others is by far the greatest "drug". Anything other than face to face conversation makes me incredibly anxious bc I can't see what they're doing (stems from trauma). What does that feel like, popularity? How does it benefit you? (I mean no ill will by these questions, I am genuinely curious) It's unfortunate that you guys cannot meet up, though at least you can remain in contact.

Yeah? That makes a lot of sense. Having real human connection makes life seem a lot less... heavy. Oh, well that's an annoying circumstance to find yourself in- like frienship limbo. Curious, what does putting 100% in look like to you?

I've since stopped buying gifts on a large scale. I used to buy them spontaneously for anyone in my circle, but now I buy the occasional thing here & there, but I've been burned so many times that I don't trust anyone even close friends (ties in with my diagnosis). So the gift buying tends to fall during fleeting moments of impulsive elation. (Oops). They enjoy them from what I understand, I just feel like I don't belong anywhere most days... so it's few & far between now.

I sometimes feel that I am not meant to make good connections with people, that somehow I was put on this planet for a different reason entirely. I have yet to understand what the reason is, but it is not through the want of trying to connect with others. I cannot even connect with my own family, often saying the wrong thing, or making the wrong joke. To be included into life is such a great gift to have. To feel connected and belonging somewhere.

The irony is that I feel I belong here, in this group, amongst those of us who find living so difficult. Tragically funny in some ways, dark humour. Yet in other ways, immensely and achingly sad. If only I could meet some friends to whom I felt a connection with, to be enveloped into a small group,of likeminded people.

I used to buy gifts for friends, but they didn't seem to appreciate the gesture, so I stopped doing it. Now I don't buy gifts at all, but I do give away plants.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Im so glad. Theres so much information out there on Aspergers and like every diagnosis on the autism spectrum, there are degrees of Aspergers and these degrees lie at different places on the continuim. You can be mildy or severely affected by Aspergers, but you certainly sound like you have aspects of Aspergers, more than aspects actually. If your Dr does dismiss it as anxiety, the go to someone else. Other symptoms of Aspergers include, having a typically above average intelligence, lack of social awareness, difficulty in making &sustaining friendships,inability to infer the thoughts,feelings or emotions of others, trouble looking people in the eyes, inability to perceive non verbal cues ......(there are more symptoms) and you dont need to have all of these symptoms to have Aspergers.

Thank you for your support, I appreciate it. Now it's time for me to do some res

We sound very similar - what I've realised is I don't judge people or hate people when they say something wrong, everyone does it. There is not a "right" way to operate or be human. You are probably around the wrong people, are they making you feel judged or that you're doing things wrong? You sound like a very good person who is trying to improve themselves, there is nothing wrong with being quirky either! Embrace yourself and don't judge others or feel threatened by your belief they are judging you.
Sending love!

Thank you.
I am trying to improve myself, as best as I can- I'm my own worst enemy. I've been getting discouraged about my progress.

I sometimes feel that I am not meant to make good connections with people, that somehow I was put on this planet for a different reason entirely. I have yet to understand what the reason is, but it is not through the want of trying to connect with others. I cannot even connect with my own family, often saying the wrong thing, or making the wrong joke. To be included into life is such a great gift to have. To feel connected and belonging somewhere.

The irony is that I feel I belong here, in this group, amongst those of us who find living so difficult. Tragically funny in some ways, dark humour. Yet in other ways, immensely and achingly sad. If only I could meet some friends to whom I felt a connection with, to be enveloped into a small group,of likeminded people.

I used to buy gifts for friends, but they didn't seem to appreciate the gesture, so I stopped doing it. Now I don't buy gifts at all, but I do give away plants.

That has been my downfall, wanting to be a part of something- to have that sense of belonging. *sigh* Let's just say I've been in far too many less than ideal situations.

&yeah, I've gradually slowed or stopped buying things for people. Plants are a great idea. :) &I agree this place is a godsend.

 

[bpdandme]

Thank you. ♥
I am trying to improve myself, as best as I can- I'm my own worst enemy. I've been getting discouraged about my progress.

Pleaseeeee don't be discourage, you're actively trying to be the best person you can be - not many people can say they are doing that. Please don't change for other people, you'll never be satisfied. I promise you're good enough. People who discourage you are not the kind of people you want to change for or be around. I promise you are fine the way you are. If you are enough for yourself, then you'll always have someone who is enough for you - and that's you, the most important person you'll have.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

Pleaseeeee don't be discourage, you're actively trying to be the best person you can be - not many people can say they are doing that. Please don't change for other people, you'll never be satisfied. I promise you're good enough. People who discourage you are not the kind of people you want to change for or be around. I promise you are fine the way you are. If you are enough for yourself, then you'll always have someone who is enough for you - and that's you, the most important person you'll have.

Thank you, I really appreciate your kindness. Honestly, I hear what you're saying, it's just hard for me to come around to believing I'm enough. It's a work in progress. *shrugs* :)