does anyone else feel like they don't want to die but have no reason left to live?

[quietly_gone]

I have no career, I live in an abusive household, I've been physically hurt by my mother and brothers, my family members genuinely hate me, I fail to tell others how I feel and I'm always a bad friend who's never able to help, never able to be there. I have no perspective for my future and there isn't anything in this world I look forward for.

My friend came over today and had a talk with me because she somehow found out about the vegetative state I've been in, all through my mom who told her lies about things I've done so she came to check up on me and I was able to defend myself from my mom's lies. She was sad I'm in this situation and so am I. Seeing her made me want to stay, made me want to cancel my order of SN, but I didn't because there is nothing out there for me. Every light at the end of the tunnel is always taken away from me by my family, by my anxiety, my depression and just bad things happening overall. I just wanted a reason to stay.

The future I see for myself is one filled with guilt, depression and missed opportunities. I don't want to live to see that.

Does anyone feel this way?

 

[NambaSutra]

Different circumstances but I relate to your headline. I'm just too stubborn to actually do it even though my body and mind are a mess with no way out.

So I just exist in extreme psychological pain every day.

 

[unnormal9]

I want to die. I have no reason left to live.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm sorry you've been through all that. Sounds like you've got a good friend there, they must really care to come check up on you like that. I don't think they would do that if they didn't see you as a good friend too. If you are unsure about CTB you should stick around and try and make a good life for yourself-don't let your family drag you down. It's not fair you should have to do that because of how they treat you.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Older post but this so resonates with me, If I had a choice I'd continue living but I don't see a future for myself where I'm in stable employment, able to function like a normal human being, not being in psych wards or on psych holds all the time, not destroying relationships. Few people may not understand but I need to go before I ruin their lives with my chronic awfulness