Help Does anyone else feel like a robot?

[Lightina Yagami]

Before i begin, this is my first time on ss and have basically no idea how it works so sorry if i make mistakes. (Idk what type of mistakes i could make but yk)



ALSO some ppl may consider this a vent but isn't supposed to be i just have a habit of talking about myself a lot anyways do not idk act like you feel bad i just want to know if others have this too.

I feel like a robot who needs batteries and instructions to live. I literally can't do ANYTHING without a routine, not even brush my teeth, shower, go outside ect. But every single time I have/create a routine it's way too extreme to the point where i have 0 to 4 hours sleep bc i need everything to be perfect. I lived with a routine for basically my whole live but a year ago I got a burnout and since then I only go outside about once a week, but often less and even if i do (this is nothing new tho) i can't go outside without looking around everywhere bc my abusive dad lives in the same city. Sometimes i start a new routine and try to built my live up again but that mostly only last a week before i can't do it anymore. I also noticed that when i get in contact with friends irl that my mental health goes down every single time. When my burnout started i cut every irl friend i had out even my childhood bestfriend. But lately some friends are trying to contact me again and i met up with one in december and another one last week + my childhood bestfriend came to my house without me permission bc apparently her dad died, rip ig. But today i hung out with the friend i also hung out with in december. Anyway i have noticed that every single time i meet up with any irl friends that my mental and physical health goes down a lot. It's already extremely low but i notice that specifically my ed gets worse since i feel like i need to be even thinner than i was the last time they saw me. This leads into my being more than usual too and me starving myself for longer. Tbh i'm surprised that i never got a heart attack (i did almost faint while i was shopping today so that's great) . Btw It's not like my mental health was better before my burnout i used to sh in more extremely ways than i do now and slit my wrist when i didn't get a 100% on a test. Surprisingly, I've never cut a vein, even tho that was the purpose, ig i can't even do that. To the point, (Sorry i love talking abt myself) i feel like a robot without batteries and who needs instructions to live. Does anyone else have that?? (prob i can't be the only one)

 

[draingang]

I get how you feel and i feel somewhat similiar but also kinda opposite (???). over the past year i've been feeling more and more like everything is just a fever dream. like im here physically and ofc i do everything im supposed to (im pretty high functioning) but it all feels like im not here mentally. its like im somewhere else all the time and my body just does things on it's own. its not permament but it comes like at least once a day for a while especially in social situations

 

[jaxxon_sunn]

I get how you feel and i feel somewhat similiar but also kinda opposite (???). over the past year i've been feeling more and more like everything is just a fever dream. like im here physically and ofc i do everything im supposed to (im pretty high functioning) but it all feels like im not here mentally. its like im somewhere else all the time and my body just does things on it's own. its not permament but it comes like at least once a day for a while especially in social situations

I felt like that too a ton when I was younger in social situations. one of my memories is I said to my friend I feel like Im in a dream it was so weird. I think its like dissociation? But feeling like you're literally in a dream like state. I've felt like that but also as op said Ive felt exactly like a robot too especially during school times. And the robot feeling lasted longer (maybe months or years) I wonder what this is and why doctors and therapists dont talk about this or how to solve it.