Does anyone else feel already dead?

[divinemistress36]

For me, I couldn't see a single pole beyond the eighteenth.

I guess I feel empty inside, but I also feel dead as in I'm not really or truly living. It honestly feels like I died already and am living in some kind of purgatory. I really think that I was meant to die a long time ago.

I've felt that way since I was a kid too

 

[destinationlosangel]

I feel like I'm already dead. It's like I'm living in purgatory until I ctb. I'm a hiki so I stay home all day and do nothing lol. I think I'm dead inside. My mom said I need to go outside and interact with society, but personally I see no reason to do so. I see nothing to gain by doing that. I hate society and other people. I enjoy my state of isolation from other people and the outside world. She said that I would grow dumber and lose my intellectual capacity by staying home all day. Is this true?

isnt it the opposite. Staying in has made me much smarter. So smart that now i cant believe that i was such an idiot back when i was in college/school. Ur intellect gets sharper when alone. atleast thats how it is for me

 

[groucho]

I'm not Japanese but I'm Asian lol. Hikikomori is frequently used on this forum. Sometimes I also say NEET or shut-in.

Yeah I guess. She always says things like "this is no life." How long do you think this can last?" "You have to be productive." "Do something with your life." I guess she's mad at me for failing to launch into the real world after college, but frankly, I never even wanted to anyways.

Most parents seem to act like their children are extensions of themselves, she probably feels more like she's failed you rather than mad at you failing... In the traditional being a productive member of society way... Ultimately parents want their kids to be happy, unless you are unlucky and have a weapons grade asshole for a parent(s)

 

[disgustingmale]

Yes.

 

[Erick]

I feel like I'm already dead. It's like I'm living in purgatory until I ctb. I'm a hiki so I stay home all day and do nothing lol. I think I'm dead inside. My mom said I need to go outside and interact with society, but personally I see no reason to do so. I see nothing to gain by doing that. I hate society and other people. I enjoy my state of isolation from other people and the outside world. She said that I would grow dumber and lose my intellectual capacity by staying home all day. Is this true?

I also feel dead. I stay in my apartment everyday doing nothing with this emptiness inside of me.
But I have to agree with your mother. You are young and healthy, and having a social life is pretty cool. Having friends and hanging out with them is the best feeling in the world, nothing will make you feel more alive than that.
I think you should try. It may be awkward in the beginning but once you get used to be around people, you won't want to be alone at home all the time anymore.

 

[joeschmo]

I feel like I'm already dead. It's like I'm living in purgatory until I ctb. I'm a hiki so I stay home all day and do nothing lol. I think I'm dead inside. My mom said I need to go outside and interact with society, but personally I see no reason to do so. I see nothing to gain by doing that. I hate society and other people. I enjoy my state of isolation from other people and the outside world. She said that I would grow dumber and lose my intellectual capacity by staying home all day. Is this true?

So long as you read books on various topics (academic and etc) then your intellect is not affected whatsoever. However, I would say that you are out of touch with the real world. And since we hate the real world (partially because we also ignore the good in it) it makes sense for us to avoid it.

But my suggestion is still to go out there and at least try it a few times before going forward with CTB. You never know what can happen. But don't immediately throw yourself into the most toxic environments (e.g. clubs and bars), instead, look up events near you where you can meet with like-minded ppl (an app like "Event Brite" does a great job).

 

[deadhead12!]

I honestly don't know. I guess I'm scared of independence and being independent. I don't want to have to work for a living. I feel like my freedom would be taken away. Honestly, I still feel like a kid. I'm scared of adulthood and having to be a real adult. I didn't even think that I would live to 18, I always thought that I would've died before then. I wish I could be a kid again, that's my biggest dream and wish. I don't want to have to adult. I'm scared of the real world.

Your fears are right. Ever since graduating college and having to work a real job, my depression has been taken to a whole new level. I wake up every day hating what I do, and slaving away to make hardly enough money to get by. I can't imagine doing this for the next 40 years. It's not meant for me.

 

[iloverachel]

I feel like I'm already dead. It's like I'm living in purgatory until I ctb. I'm a hiki so I stay home all day and do nothing lol. I think I'm dead inside. My mom said I need to go outside and interact with society, but personally I see no reason to do so. I see nothing to gain by doing that. I hate society and other people. I enjoy my state of isolation from other people and the outside world. She said that I would grow dumber and lose my intellectual capacity by staying home all day. Is this true?

I can totally relate
I cut myself from the outside world completely
Being an outcast treated like shit by the world for 30 years has made me resentful to society
So every day I lay down and rot dreaming about dying
I've been dead inside for years

 

[BlendedHeart]

I was a NEET for many years. I'm going out a lot more these days, but it doesn't make any difference. I don't register in other person's lives, so it's like I'm still trapped inside my house.

I don't like to be inside, nor outside. What a dilemma. At least inside is a little more peaceful, but it's also very, very lonely. Everything that distracted me from that anguish isn't working anymore.

 

[sserafim]

So long as you read books on various topics (academic and etc) then your intellect is not affected whatsoever. However, I would say that you are out of touch with the real world. And since we hate the real world (partially because we also ignore the good in it) it makes sense for us to avoid it.

But my suggestion is still to go out there and at least try it a few times before going forward with CTB. You never know what can happen. But don't immediately throw yourself into the most toxic environments (e.g. clubs and bars), instead, look up events near you where you can meet with like-minded ppl (an app like "Event Brite" does a great job).

I don't like the real world or other people though. I don't want to be in touch with the real world. There's nothing to like about it anyways. The real world is so depressing, who would want to live in it? My crush (when he still talked to me) said that I needed to go out more, but I don't see any benefit in doing that. He said that I should go to bars but I don't drink lol.

 

[dragonofenvy]

"There is no point in living if you can't feel alive." -Renard, from the film "The World is Not Enough".

 

[sserafim]

I also feel dead. I stay in my apartment everyday doing nothing with this emptiness inside of me.
But I have to agree with your mother. You are young and healthy, and having a social life is pretty cool. Having friends and hanging out with them is the best feeling in the world, nothing will make you feel more alive than that.
I think you should try. It may be awkward in the beginning but once you get used to be around people, you won't want to be alone at home all the time anymore.

I don't want a social life haha. I don't like people anyways, why would I want friends

Most parents seem to act like their children are extensions of themselves, she probably feels more like she's failed you rather than mad at you failing... In the traditional being a productive member of society way... Ultimately parents want their kids to be happy, unless you are unlucky and have a weapons grade asshole for a parent(s)

I know she's mad at me for failing to launch into the real world. She wants me to be a productive, well-adjusted member of society. Asian parents expect their kids to be successful. Mine wanted me to become a doctor. They don't tell anyone I'm a NEET to save face. They're ashamed of my "failure".

 

[Pluto]

 

[Erick]

I don't want a social life haha. I don't like people anyways, why would I want friends

I know she's mad at me for failing to launch into the real world. She wants me to be a productive, well-adjusted member of society. Asian parents expect their kids to be successful. Mine wanted me to become a doctor. They don't tell anyone I'm a NEET to save face. They're ashamed of my "failure".

If you didn't want a social life, you wouldn't be here talking to people. If you are always here, it means you want to talk to someone.
You just need to find someone that has the same interests as you. You like to be here because people here hate their lives as much as you do, so if you meet someone like this in real life, you would feel better and less empty.

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

If you didn't want a social life, you wouldn't be here talking to people. If you are always here, it means you want to talk to someone.
You just need to find someone that has the same interests as you. You like to be here because people here hate their lives as much as you do, so if you meet someone like this in real life, you would feel better and less empty.

Good point i agree. You are very young @sserafim , should try it. If you are already here in this forum 24/7 that means that somehow you really want to socialize

 

[Aim]

Yepp- all joy is away! There isn't anything left in of me. And creating the happy emotions doesn't feel even feel legit anymore. The human brain, emotions and everything else a weird complex thing.

 

[druggedonsurvival]

isnt it the opposite. Staying in has made me much smarter. So smart that now i cant believe that i was such an idiot back when i was in college/school. Ur intellect gets sharper when alone. atleast thats how it is for me

"To live alone is the fate of all great souls." -Schopenhauer

 

[Done_With_It_All]

I was once told that if you kill yourself because you are running from something, you will spend eternity in purgatory until you face it. So...yeah, I think I agree, this is purgatory...at least until my parents die, then it becomes hell.

 

[Hollowman]

Been dead inside for way too long. When I'm trying to fall asleep that's when I feel really dead. I have aphantasia and no internal monologue, poverty of thought. It's like I already know what death will be like. I've recovered from this state several times but I'm going on six years, it seems to be permanent now.

 

[Davout]

What worse? Being unperceived, or misperceived?