Does anyone else cycle between love and hate?

[sserafim]

I feel like I cycle between love and hate. I idealize and love people just to eventually hate them. They become dead to me. It's like this weird kind of split. It's happened before with people who used to be my friend (platonic love). I guess I found some kind of fault with them and started ignoring and hating them. This has been going on since elementary school, I think. It's been like this ever since I was a kid

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

That's how ADHD works.

• One day you want something, and the next day you don't want it anymore...
• One day you love someone, and the next day you hate them...
• One day you like something, and the next day you don't like it anymore...
• One day something entertains you, and the next day it bores you...
• One day you feel good, and the next day you feel bad...
• One day you have a lot of energy, and the next day you can't get out of bed...
• One day you want to study/work on something, and the next day you don't want to do anything anymore...
• One day you want to live, but the next day you want to die...

 

[heysunshine]

Yes!! I do this all the time! I don't know why, but it seems like I always end up completely flipping. I don't know if it's because I idealize people, like you say, and see the best in them as soon as I meet them, or if they do that to me, but after a while, a switch flips and they completely change in my eyes. The same happens when a 'friend' does something to hurt or wrong me. I feel like a switch flips, and the person I loved before is suddenly a stranger. I have no attachment to them, or desire to be around them. I feel hurt and want to be away from them. I sometimes go from wanting to be around someone, to really disliking them all of a sudden. It's hard to know why sometimes. It's so difficult for me, because I don't know if this is due to how I interpret people, or if it's something else I'm doing wrong. But I relate to what you said.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Yes!! I do this all the time! I don't know why, but it seems like I always end up completely flipping. I don't know if it's because I idealize people, like you say, and see the best in them as soon as I meet them, or if they do that to me, but after a while, a switch flips and they completely change in my eyes. The same happens when a 'friend' does something to hurt or wrong me. I feel like a switch flips, and the person I loved before is suddenly a stranger. I have no attachment to them, or desire to be around them. I feel hurt and want to be away from them. I sometimes go from wanting to be around someone, to really disliking them all of a sudden. It's hard to know why sometimes. It's so difficult for me, because I don't know if this is due to how I interpret people, or if it's something else I'm doing wrong. But I relate to what you said.

Could that be BPD? I find people with BPD adopt an attitude of finding someone either wholly good(white) or completely irredeemably evil(black), with nothing in the middle. I'm not saying that everyone with BPD suffers with that, but I feel like it's a common stereotype that is associated with BPD, which is referred to as black-and-white thinking.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't feel this way about individual people. No matter how much I hate or love them, I'll always hate myself more than anyone and I'll never be able to love anyone else too much without endangering them.

That said sometimes my thoughts on humanity are known to shift back and forth between wanting to save everyone, and wanting to watch the world burn. It might be some human ego savior complex thing going on where I either want everyone to be happy because they're better than me and deserve to be happy or for everyone to suffer as I have suffered.

 

[heysunshine]

Could that be BPD? I find people with BPD adopt an attitude of finding someone either wholly good(white) or completely irredeemably evil(black), with nothing in the middle. I'm not saying that everyone with BPD suffers with that, but I feel like it's a common stereotype that is associated with BPD, which is referred to as black-and-white thinking.

Thank you for your response. Honestly, I don't know what it is. What you describe though, especially black-and-white thinking, sounds like me. I'm very either-or. This-or-that. It's hard to understand the middle, gray areas. I don't like being in the gray. I'm being evaluated for autism/adhd, but it very well could be bpd. I will mention it to my psych to see what they say. I've been this way as long as I can remember, though. Even as a child, I had a hard time with friendships and knowing how to make friends (especially good ones) and avoiding mistreatment. I feel like I'm blind to people's true behavior because I'm happy to have been included, then just shut them out when I eventually notice something that is against my values or hurts me. Bpd makes a lot of sense though!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've gone through something similar before. Sometimes I'll fluctuate between feeling love towards or just liking those around me and other times I'll suddenly fluctuate towards disliking or even straight up hating them. Those negative feelings always eventually subside but it does happen. It especially used to happen a lot when I was younger.

I think part of it might just be a defence mechanism or something, with it being my way of pushing others away in order to protect myself. I tend to assume the worse in people sometimes and it's something I'm working on changing. I think another part of it might also just be me projecting my own feelings onto others during moments where I feel extremely frustrated, angry, sad, etc.