Does anyone else constantly compare their life to other difficult lives?

[cosifantutti]

I am constantly comparing my life/situation to other people who have hard times.
Would it be worse, I wonder if I was in prison for 20 years - but at least there's an end to that.
Would it be worse to be an alcoholic?
Would it be worse to be a refugee away from all my family?
Would it be worse to be in constant physical pain?
Would it be worse to have slightly less distress but with no better moments?

Then I have the,
At least I'm not a moonbear in a tiny cage having my bile extracted regularly for 20 odd years.
At least I had some good years.
At least I live in a time when mental illness doesn't have the same stigma (though it's still there).
At least I'm not Blanche Monnier - a French woman locked in the attic for 25 years by her mother
etc etc

Does anyone else do this?

 

[Duality]

Yes, I do this, and I also compare my life to my more successful family members. Movies and TV shows seem to trigger this "at least I'm not them" thought.

I don't do it nearly as much as I did when I was younger, but it really is a never ending spiral of thoughts. There's always someone worse off than me when I fall down the hole, and there's always someone better off than me no matter how much I climb the ladder.

Even if I took the place of someone who I thought was in a worse situation than me, I'd always think, hey, at least I'm not this other guy.

 

[not_telling]

I do compare, but every time it ends up being hurtful, because there are far worse lives out there and looking at them I realize how easy I've got it, and that leads to depressing thoughts of "then why the heck can't you just enjoy it."
And well, comparing to the ones who have it really great I think, "that it could be me if I just tried instead of expend my time being sad over nothing and not working hard" and stuff. Comparing is just a really bad thing in the end, I think.

 

[LonelyKitten]

I think that, at the end of the day, it's your life, and how you feel about it is valid, regardless of other experiences.
*You're* the only one who ever has to bear being in your shoes alone.
Not anyone else.

It's not entirely objective anyway, as different people's happiness can vary wildly in "spite" of extreme differences in their objective circumstances, or even between people in very similar situations.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I am constantly comparing my life/situation to other people who have hard times.
Would it be worse, I wonder if I was in prison for 20 years - but at least there's an end to that.
Would it be worse to be an alcoholic?
Would it be worse to be a refugee away from all my family?
Would it be worse to be in constant physical pain?
Would it be worse to have slightly less distress but with no better moments?

Then I have the,
At least I'm not a moonbear in a tiny cage having my bile extracted regularly for 20 odd years.
At least I had some good years.
At least I live in a time when mental illness doesn't have the same stigma (though it's still there).
At least I'm not Blanche Monnier - a French woman locked in the attic for 25 years by her mother
etc etc

Does anyone else do this?

Yes sort of. For me it's more north korea Xinjiang the holocaust etc... But that just makes me more depressed. Even read Victor Frankl's a man search for meaning. Realized a) I have no meaning in my life and it's unlikely to return b) despite having every single thing taken from he still had something (sort of) to stay alive for (his dead though he didn't know it wife) meaning in some regards he is richer then me as I have absolutely nothing to stay alive for. In a cruel sense of injustice and irony. I watched as a lot of cancer patients succumbed to their disease with meaning and everything to live for. Scraping by to squeeze out a few more days out of life. Whereas me I have nothing to live for. No one, no meaning, absolutely nothing. Yet i'm at no risk of dying anytime soon. Life is unbelievably cruel and unfair but humans certainly find ways to make it more so.

 

[DukeDestroyer]

Yes I do. My life is nothing but a tragedy. I've seen a lot of people become more successful than me. I'm still at an income level that of a High school student. High school ended for me 20 years ago.

 

[cosifantutti]

Yes sort of. For me it's more north korea Xinjiang the holocaust etc... But that just makes me more depressed. Even read Victor Frankl's a man search for meaning. Realized a) I have no meaning in my life and it's unlikely to return b) despite having every single thing taken from he still had something (sort of) to stay alive for (his dead though he didn't know it wife) meaning in some regards he is richer then me as I have absolutely nothing to stay alive for. In a cruel sense of injustice and irony. I watched as a lot of cancer patients succumbed to their disease with meaning and everything to live for. Scraping by to squeeze out a few more days out of life. Whereas me I have nothing to live for. No one, no meaning, absolutely nothing. Yet i'm at no risk of dying anytime soon. Life is unbelievably cruel and unfair but humans certainly find ways to make it more so.

Yes I do the Holocaust too. And I've read Victor Frankl. That he had something to live for and that Ann Frank stayed cheery is strange.

My life is good but mental illness puts me in a cage with no end in sight.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't compare my life with other difficult lives. It's my own struggle and it's a subjective feeling how someone experiences their own life.

 

[Meditation guide]

I am constantly comparing my life/situation to other people who have hard times.
Would it be worse, I wonder if I was in prison for 20 years - but at least there's an end to that.
Would it be worse to be an alcoholic?
Would it be worse to be a refugee away from all my family?
Would it be worse to be in constant physical pain?
Would it be worse to have slightly less distress but with no better moments?

Then I have the,
At least I'm not a moonbear in a tiny cage having my bile extracted regularly for 20 odd years.
At least I had some good years.
At least I live in a time when mental illness doesn't have the same stigma (though it's still there).
At least I'm not Blanche Monnier - a French woman locked in the attic for 25 years by her mother
etc etc

Does anyone else do this?

Yes and I'm tired of it. I always now compare my life to that of others: is mine better or worse? Did that person ctb have a better life than I do and so why did they do it? Did they have a worse life than mine, so why would I want to ctb if others have it worse than me?

Here is who I think about more than anyone: Robin Williams. That man seemed to have it all. Yet he hung himself. There are others like that I think about, and others who have terrible situations that I read about too.

 

[cosifantutti]

Yes and I'm tired of it. I always now compare my life to that of others: is mine better or worse? Did that person ctb have a better life than I do and so why did they do it? Did they have a worse life than mine, so why would I want to ctb if others have it worse than me?

Here is who I think about more than anyone: Robin Williams. That man seemed to have it all. Yet he hung himself. There are others like that I think about, and others who have terrible situations that I read about too.

Yes I think of Robin Williams. But having everything is worth nothing when you're in such a bad place in your head.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel bad for other people's struggles certainly. Still- I don't enjoy it when people do that whole- 'There are people far worse off in the world than you' thing- so- I don't do it to myself. Of course there are people worse off. There are people far better off too. I try not to feel envious of them- I don't think that does any good. I refuse to feel guilty for not having things any worse though!

I feel guilty that I'm part of a system that exploits other beings but- only so far. It wasn't my choice to become part of this. Am I supposed to feel grateful to God or to society or my family that they haven't punished me more? I feel relieved certainly but I find it hard to feel grateful. Bottomline- I'm not grateful for my life. I'd much rather I hadn't been born to begin with. Why should I be made to feel grateful or guilty for anything that comes about because I was given a life I don't want? I pitty myself in the same way that I pitty other people- we were born into this world and just expected to cope and for whatever reason- we can't and/ or don't want to.

 

[peaches]

My thoughts on this are pretty dark. I am aware that there are plenty of others who lives are circumstantially "worse" than mine. And many who have circumstantially "better" lives.
But I have never met anyone who could wake up tomorrow as me and want to stay here for 10 minutes feeling like I feel.
The only people I have ever known who could relate to my level of pain ctb.
And, I "listen" very carefully with great compassion to what is expressed on this site. Here, I often hear/read my voice. I do not have that experience in my day to day life.
If you saw my life today on paper, it would look fortunate. But I go to sleep and wake up every day, so sorry that I am here. I would have never agreed to my life, never chose to be here. I have never been able to "fix" myself.
I am a deeply interior person in a society than only values exteriors. The more I am judged by exterior values, the more alone I feel.

 

[Meditation guide]

We all are allowed to feel how we feel. I wake up and spend about half an hour every day wishing I had not woken up. The act of waking up is excruciating.

 

[Aergia]

I do it too. I know many lives are far worse than mine, and I'm grateful mine isn't as bad (but I don't think that's relevant when it comes to the question of whether I should continue to live).

 

[cosifantutti]

I suppose on here I know lots of people just don't want to face the day and yet somehow we go through each day. For me it's fear of ctb and my family.

I do take a bit of comfort knowing other people on here are struggling so much and I'm not alone.

It doesn't matter how much I compare, how much I try to rationalise, it feels like there's a big scream in my head.

My thoughts on this are pretty dark. I am aware that there are plenty of others who lives are circumstantially "worse" than mine. And many who have circumstantially "better" lives.
But I have never met anyone who could wake up tomorrow as me and want to stay here for 10 minutes feeling like I feel.
The only people I have ever known who could relate to my level of pain ctb.
And, I "listen" very carefully with great compassion to what is expressed on this site. Here, I often hear/read my voice. I do not have that experience in my day to day life.
If you saw my life today on paper, it would look fortunate. But I go to sleep and wake up every day, so sorry that I am here. I would have never agreed to my life, never chose to be here. I have never been able to "fix" myself.
I am a deeply interior person in a society than only values exteriors. The more I am judged by exterior values, the more alone I feel.

So peaches. How do you get through your day? Like me, do you suffer constantly? I'm sure you do. I just don't understand how we all carry on being here.

This seems mixed up, I'm sorry.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

No, you can't compare to see who's doing better in the "race" if every person is running on a different track, at a different speed, with a different start and ending points.

There's no "having it worse than me" if the circumstances or the way they affected you/your ability to deal with them were never the same. Maybe something you'd consider as terrifying is someone's normal, and vice versa.

I'd say you can't even compare your present to your past, now you look back from a different perspective, as a different person than the one that you were when going through the hardships.

 

[sserafim]

I compare myself to people with "easier" lives and wish that I could've been them instead. They're successful and advancing and succeeding in life, meanwhile I'm here failing. They have such nice lives. Why couldn't I have been them instead? Why did I have to be me? It's just not fair. It's a matter of sink or swim, and I wish I could've been the one to swim.

 

[Meditation guide]

I compare myself to people with "easier" lives and wish that I could've been them instead. They're successful and advancing and succeeding in life, meanwhile I'm here failing. They have such nice lives. Why couldn't I have been them instead? Why did I have to be me? It's just not fair. It's a matter of sink or swim, and I wish I could've been the one to swim.

It's very hard to see on the internet people with great lives and it makes it really depressing when I am so unhappy with my own. This is the gift of the internet, seeing you don't have a great life like others seem to have. I never used to compare my own life to that of others but now that I'm so unhappy I do it a lot and it makes things even worse.

 

[brownbear]

I often compare my own mental illness and suffering to those who have it worse and convince myself that my own struggles arent as valid. Not sure why I feel like this, i constantly feel like i have to get worse to be actually "sick" and get help. Even after getting help and attention, i dont feel worse enough.

 

[AshClouds]

I don't really compare myself to others on here, because we all have our own reasons. I've known people who committed suicide, one of them was a friend of mine. Nobody had no idea he felt this way so it was a shock to everybody. I guess I'm doing the same thing, keeping everybody in the dark by feigning general happiness.

I read about someone on an old suicide forum who was a young professor and researcher who committed suicide and posted his last message to said forum. I thought about how smart this person was and even he couldn't figure out how to deal with the same problems I deal with everyday.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Yes I do the Holocaust too. And I've read Victor Frankl. That he had something to live for and that Ann Frank stayed cheery is strange.

My life is good but mental illness puts me in a cage with no end in sight.

I mean I'm not sure if some of the things I've read portray Anne Frank's life during the holocaust as cheery. Nor am I saying it is anything but it is. All I said is they all had something to live for and I do not and that is not going to change. In his book he talked about conversing with his wife (who was dead) while he was working. This isn't because I saw life pass me by or anything or did something heinous. But because I was the victim of crimes and everything was taken from me. The world just doesn't give a shit because I have autism. I don't have family, friends, a career, whatever. I have literally nothing and nothing to live for.

 

[cosifantutti]

Suffering is always horrible but when it's caused by other peoples actions that must make it worse. I'm sorry you're in such an awful situation.

Right enough describing Ann Frank's time as cheery is pretty inaccurate. She was though, very positive.

I often compare my own mental illness and suffering to those who have it worse and convince myself that my own struggles arent as valid. Not sure why I feel like this, i constantly feel like i have to get worse to be actually "sick" and get help. Even after getting help and attention, i dont feel worse enough.

I think we somehow reflect society's attitude. Basically mental illness doesn't count.

I mean I'm not sure if some of the things I've read portray Anne Frank's life during the holocaust as cheery. Nor am I saying it is anything but it is. All I said is they all had something to live for and I do not and that is not going to change. In his book he talked about conversing with his wife (who was dead) while he was working. This isn't because I saw life pass me by or anything or did something heinous. But because I was the victim of crimes and everything was taken from me. The world just doesn't give a shit because I have autism. I don't have family, friends, a career, whatever. I have literally nothing and nothing to live for.

When I replied to this I managed to mix it in with something else, sorry.