Does anyone else "check out" of life

[Sleepdrifter]

I have a really bad habit and attitude with things to the point where I spend most of my life zoned out. This is not the same as fantasy or self-absorption though it is related. It is more like giving up on existing. It is really unhealthy and also sad. I can't seem to get over some things no matter how many times I complain about them. And my situation isn't really that bad.

All I want is a time machine and to start things over. That is impossible so why not focus on something else. But I just feel too upset and after a while it becomes impossible to bear. So I just stop interacting with feelings and forget what it's like to be human.

I feel at the point where throwing myself off a bridge or a cliff, it wouldn't be hard any more. It's not scary because I don't feel the fear. I can't shake the feeling I just want this fucking shit to end, even when I'm happy. I want to ruin everything, even if it's going well.

 

[jodes2]

I slept for 24h last night on and off because I was badly avoiding making a phonecall

Sorry you're suffering

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

I'm constantly zoned out and if I don't feel zoned enough, I seek inebriation. Anything to pretend like the world and especially my presence in it does NOT exist.

But SHIT! I'm also constantly tortured by my thoughts and I just don't know why I gotta do this whole "Life" thing.

So I just complain on the internet and no progress is made anywhere except I am still fucking alive. Can ALWAYS check that damn box. BUT AT LEAST U MADE IT THRU ANOTHER DAY WOO-Hoo, GOOD for you…

I try to pretend I am not
in the R e a L w o R L d . . .​

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

I slept for 24h last night on and off because I was badly avoiding making a phonecall

Sorry you're suffering

How do you make yourself sleep for 24 hours?
I find it impossible to zone out without 'help'. I need medicines/drugs to do that and enormous amounts of sleep, for which I also need drugs. But the drugs don't work so well anymore.

I'm sorry that your life sucks so much that you can't be present for it. Is there no hope for improvement? Have you reached the end of the line?

 

[jodes2]

How do you make yourself sleep for 24 hours?
I find it impossible to zone out without 'help'. I need medicines/drugs to do that and enormous amounts of sleep, for which I also need drugs. But the drugs don't work so well anymore.

I'm sorry that your life sucks so much that you can't be present for it. Is there no hope for improvement? Have you reached the end of the line?

I was at the end of the line on and off, thanks for the sympathy I'm doing ok at the moment mostly, I've had some good improvements

I slept for 24h by getting up and going back to bed every 6 hours, I'd been awake for over 24h so I needed the sleep. On a normal day I only sleep 10-15h

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

I was at the end of the line on and off, thanks for the sympathy I'm doing ok at the moment mostly, I've had some good improvements

I slept for 24h by getting up and going back to bed every 6 hours, I'd been awake for over 24h so I needed the sleep. On a normal day I only sleep 10-15h

I can't even sleep for a full 8 hours sometimes. 10-15 hours is wow!

 

[jodes2]

I can't even sleep for a full 8 hours sometimes. 10-15 hours is wow!

Yeah no way could I work, I need so much damned sleep just to function!

 

[Csmith8827]

I have a really bad habit and attitude with things to the point where I spend most of my life zoned out. This is not the same as fantasy or self-absorption though it is related. It is more like giving up on existing. It is really unhealthy and also sad. I can't seem to get over some things no matter how many times I complain about them. And my situation isn't really that bad.

All I want is a time machine and to start things over. That is impossible so why not focus on something else. But I just feel too upset and after a while it becomes impossible to bear. So I just stop interacting with feelings and forget what it's like to be human.

I feel at the point where throwing myself off a bridge or a cliff, it wouldn't be hard any more. It's not scary because I don't feel the fear. I can't shake the feeling I just want this fucking shit to end, even when I'm happy. I want to ruin everything, even if it's going well.

Yeah i basically do this everyday. I drink malt liquor like from gas stations and shit all day, everyday. When i move back to California (i catch a plane in like 5days) all of that will change though. I'm going to get a guitar, start back gaming again, get a van, get a surfboard, etc. etc...So I'm not really worried about it. Shit is just really bad right now because I'm not home yet...but i will be shortly! I'm just happy i have a place i can call and genuinely feel like its my "home".

 

[Conker]

i found myself zoning out even reading through this thread kekw

 

[demuic]

I've been checked out for the past 5 years. Too many negative experiences throughout life, on top of painful genetic cirumstances. There are many things that have happened that I can't accept. Simply existing brings me discomfort. A small amount of happiness is nothing against a background of misery. Nothing goes well for me for long.

 

[DeathBecomesMe_2021]

i found myself zoning out even reading through this thread kekw

What I'd like to know is how you were able to read through this thread if you kept zoning out?

 

[Unending]

Zoning out and avoiding the detriment of my consciousness is a passion of mine.

 

[hungry_ghost]

I can relate.

I am almost never present, unless I'm invested in a video game or a really engaging movie/TV show.

I hate existence so much.

Just feels like there is nothing to appreciate.