does anyone actually give a shit?

[TimetoGo!]

Something draws me back to this site as I feel its only like minded people on here that actually give a fuck and understand what mental health and depression means. I have a wife who knows I am deeply upset at the moment but still buggers off out on the piss with her mates........My family are lovely, genuinely really good people but I dont think they really want to talk about anything to do with mental health. So I act 'normal' in front of them.

' are you ok Andy?'.............no im fucked and want to CTB as soon as possible ...............Id love to reply with that sometime.

no one gives a flying fuck anymore.

I dont know any of you but im glad you are here.........if you know what I mean.

I log in most days to see if anyone has a new easy CTB method as Ive not got the balls to jump in front of the train that passes my house every hour!!

I wish I wasnt like this!!

does anyone else 'act' in front of people?

 

[Rational man]

I think you describe it perfectly. Sadly, many people feel uncomfortable when adversity effects their life. Fear and life changes can be frightening. I find a similar situation through my physical illness. People don't know what to say or how to behave around me and yet im still th same man as i was before i became ill. Sorry to feel your pain but i feel it too.

ive become more isolated now so dont have to behave any different.

 

[Malcolm Yarfa]

Yes we kinda have to act in work situation or in front of some family members. Nobody cares about our mental health issues. I don't expect anyone to care anymore. My wife knows I am under heavy psychiatric treatment but still wants a child. After I CTB she'll be a single mom. My mother who should be the most caring one only calls when she need some kind of paperwork to get done or something on the internet she doesn't understand. I hope the end of the road is near.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course it's the best thing to do when around others in my opinion, to put on an act in front of them. We exist in a society that places so much stigma on the subject of suicide to the point in which it cannot be discussed openly without the fear of others potentially interfering with our plans to die. The thought of someone voluntarily choosing death over life scares many people who don't understand what it's like to be suicidal as it shatters their worldview so they would wish to avoid the subject of rational suicide as well.

Suicide really should be accepted as being a rational option to free ourselves from an existence not worth enduring and it's so wrong how it's not and how we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave this world. People act like to die is the worst thing but continuing to stay here will always be way, way worse to me. There could never be anything wrong with choosing not to delay our inevitable fate and that is the reality.

 

[whywere]

1st off, I CARE ABOUT YOU DEEPLY! No joke, I wear my heart on my sleeve and no one should ever have to endure what you are feeling ever.

To answer your question, I am 66, reference point, YES, I have put on "a show" in front of other, especially at my position and it SUCKS. I wish humanity would evolve and understand and feel but not yet anyway, I guess.

Case in point, when after my 2nd attempt and I got "locked up", no one afterwards would speak or have anything to do with me, as if I had leprosy.

Please keep me close to your heart, as I DO CARE about you, and you are a good friend who has so much not only to give yourself but to all of humanity

Now at 66, I do NOT act anything, I am 100% real in front of everyone, and if they cannot understand and/or have the intelligence to bridge the knowledge gap with me, I move on. I will NEVER EVER waste any of my time with narrow minded folks, not worth it ever.

Sending you lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that YOU are a VERY important person to me and others always.

Walter

 

[TimetoGo!]

I think you describe it perfectly. Sadly, many people feel uncomfortable when adversity effects their life. Fear and life changes can be frightening. I find a similar situation through my physical illness. People don't know what to say or how to behave around me and yet im still th same man as i was before i became ill. Sorry to feel your pain but i feel it too.

ive become more isolated now so dont have to behave any different.

well I'll chat to you anytime brother while i'm still here

Yes we kinda have to act in work situation or in front of some family members. Nobody cares about our mental health issues. I don't expect anyone to care anymore. My wife knows I am under heavy psychiatric treatment but still wants a child. After I CTB she'll be a single mom. My mother who should be the most caring one only calls when she need some kind of paperwork to get done or something on the internet she doesn't understand. I hope the end of the road is near.

I honestly wouldnt and couldnt father a child knowing how I feel and its bad you feel under pressure to do this bro.......and regarding your mum, she wont realise , she just wont realise so I wouldnt look too much into that one

 

[Life_and_Death]

' are you ok Andy?'.............no im fucked and want to CTB as soon as possible ...............Id love to reply with that sometime.

I always just get the answer "idk what to tell you". To me this just says 'yeah you're screwed go kill yourself, I just don't want to say it'

 

[TimetoGo!]

1st off, I CARE ABOUT YOU DEEPLY! No joke, I wear my heart on my sleeve and no one should ever have to endure what you are feeling ever.

To answer your question, I am 66, reference point, YES, I have put on "a show" in front of other, especially at my position and it SUCKS. I wish humanity would evolve and understand and feel but not yet anyway, I guess.

Case in point, when after my 2nd attempt and I got "locked up", no one afterwards would speak or have anything to do with me, as if I had leprosy.

Please keep me close to your heart, as I DO CARE about you, and you are a good friend who has so much not only to give yourself but to all of humanity

Now at 66, I do NOT act anything, I am 100% real in front of everyone, and if they cannot understand and/or have the intelligence to bridge the knowledge gap with me, I move on. I will NEVER EVER waste any of my time with narrow minded folks, not worth it ever.

Sending you lots of hugs, love and the knowledge that YOU are a VERY important person to me and others always.

Walter

Walter , you are a gentleman and the world needs more of you

 

[Pluto]

I think we all have to mask in society. The pressures of social conformity are a challenge even for normies, but for people in our situation it is on another level. Society taboos open discussion on this topic and then expresses shock when a suicide is completed.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Of course it's the best thing to do when around others in my opinion, to put on an act in front of them. We exist in a society that places so much stigma on the subject of suicide to the point in which it cannot be discussed openly without the fear of others potentially interfering with our plans to die. The thought of someone voluntarily choosing death over life scares many people who don't understand what it's like to be suicidal as it shatters their worldview so they would wish to avoid the subject of rational suicide as well.

Suicide really should be accepted as being a rational option to free ourselves from an existence not worth enduring and it's so wrong how it's not and how we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave this world. People act like to die is the worst thing but continuing to stay here will always be way, way worse to me. There could never be anything wrong with choosing not to delay our inevitable fate and that is the reality.

very true words

you are far too intelligent to be in this situation .............its gutting you feel the way you do and wish I could help

 

[SamTam33]

Hell yes I put on an act. Sometimes it actually freaks me out how well I do it. In the middle of cracking a joke or laughing, I'll get this jolt or zap. Almost like my brain signaling to me that I'm doing something wrong.

If you touch something hot, your brain sends a signal that it hurts and you remove your hand (I think that's how it works).

Well when I laugh, my brain will send a signal indicating that it's wrong. And sometimes I just stop all of a sudden.

Like those Kanye memes where he chuckles then immediately goes back to a straight face.

The only person I don't act with is my dad because I don't care about him or what he thinks. I don't care if I stress him out. I told him about possibly jumping or taking sodium nitrite. Very matter-of-factly.

In a weird twist of fate, the person I despise most in the world is the only one where I can just be myself. Unfortunately, I don't get any actual comfort from these interactions. But it helps to have at least one person where I don't have to put up a facade.

I was supposed to hang out with my mom but I just couldn't do it. I've been drinking since 5AM and rather than tell her the truth, I told her I felt like I was getting sick.

Telling little lies has become a part of my act as well.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Hell yes I put on an act. Sometimes it actually freaks me out how well I do it. In the middle of cracking a joke or laughing, I'll get this jolt or zap. Almost like my brain signaling to me that I'm doing something wrong.

If you touch something hot, your brain sends a signal that it hurts and you remove your hand (I think that's how it works).

Well when I laugh, my brain will send a signal indicating that it's wrong. And sometimes I just stop all of a sudden.

Like those Kanye memes where he chuckles then immediately goes back to a straight face.

The only person I don't act with is my dad because I don't care about him or what he thinks. I don't care if I stress him out. I told him about possibly jumping or taking sodium nitrite. Very matter-of-factly.

In a weird twist of fate, the person I despise most in the world is the only one where I can just be myself. Unfortunately, I don't get any actual comfort from these interactions. But it helps to have at least one person where I don't have to put up a facade.

I was supposed to hang out with my mom but I just couldn't do it. I've been drinking since 5AM and rather than tell her the truth, I told her I felt like I was getting sick.

Telling little lies has become a part of my act as well.

jesus Sam , i hear what you are sayimg and can totally understand it. crazy how we act differently with certain people

 

[Thisisme373]

I know exactly how you feel. I also mask around others and it's exhausting, if I be real with people they become very uncomfortable and it's like you're a downer. You feel like a burden to everyone. Humans are mostly incredibly selfish nasty creatures. My family are toxic as fuck & they know how much I'm suffering yet still play lots of cruel mind games & manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation etc. The people on here I find the realist & most decent I've encountered. Seriously. I'm depressed as fuck and am hanging on the edge, close to breaking but this forum does bring me comfort as it does to many others. You are not alone.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I know exactly how you feel. I also mask around others and it's exhausting, if I be real with people they become very uncomfortable and it's like you're a downer. You feel like a burden to everyone. Humans are mostly incredibly selfish nasty creatures. My family are toxic as fuck & they know how much I'm suffering yet still play lots of cruel mind games & manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation etc. The people on here I find the realist & most decent I've encountered. Seriously. I'm depressed as fuck and am hanging on the edge, close to breaking but this forum does bring me comfort as it does to many others. You are not alone.

well your not a burden pal and fuck those who you feel dont appreciate you........not many will understand it

 

[Reallysad]

Something draws me back to this site as I feel its only like minded people on here that actually give a fuck and understand what mental health and depression means. I have a wife who knows I am deeply upset at the moment but still buggers off out on the piss with her mates........My family are lovely, genuinely really good people but I dont think they really want to talk about anything to do with mental health. So I act 'normal' in front of them.

' are you ok Andy?'.............no im fucked and want to CTB as soon as possible ...............Id love to reply with that sometime.

no one gives a flying fuck anymore.

I dont know any of you but im glad you are here.........if you know what I mean.

I log in most days to see if anyone has a new easy CTB method as Ive not got the balls to jump in front of the train that passes my house every hour!!

I wish I wasnt like this!!

does anyone else 'act' in front of people?

I'm the same mate.
My ex I've just had twins 2 4months ago and dumped me 3months ago won't talk to me except for 2 hours on a Friday and is out on the piss with her mates and bro most weekend dumping my kids with her parents and not giving a shit about me even though I still love her.

People are only out for themselfs and fuck u over and backstab you have had this many times.they simply do not care and you think you know someone but you truly don't.I'm putting on a mask 24/7 but deep
Down I am already dead I'm just a corpse walking around.I wish I had the balls also to ctb as this is killin me day in and day out.
You are not alone

 

[TimetoGo!]

I'm the same mate.
My ex I've just had twins 2 4months ago and dumped me 3months ago won't talk to me except for 2 hours on a Friday and is out on the piss with her mates and bro most weekend dumping my kids with her parents and not giving a shit about me even though I still love her.

People are only out for themselfs and fuck u over and backstab you have had this many times.they simply do not care and you think you know someone but you truly don't.I'm putting on a mask 24/7 but deep
Down I am already dead I'm just a corpse walking around.I wish I had the balls also to ctb as this is killin me day in and day out.
You are not alone

what were her reasons for ending it with you?

 

[Reallysad]

Had a bit of an argument which I have said sorry for annd was my fault. She moved out of my house and my twins and her are sleeping in her mum and dads living room. Been suicidal for 4years but this is the last straw as she's never gonna forgive me

 

[TimetoGo!]

Had a bit of an argument which I have said sorry for annd was my fault. She moved out of my house and my twins and her are sleeping in her mum and dads living room. Been suicidal for 4years but this is the last straw as she's never gonna forgive me

forgive you for what though? really sorry to hear it pal. you need to talk things through calmly

 

[Reallysad]

forgive you for what though? really sorry to hear it pal. you need to talk things through calmly

Just the way I spoke to her but makes out the way she's acting I had hit her etc which I would never do.Tried to talk things calmly with her she's not intrested.2.5 years on memories and my beautiful babies down the drain.she's living the life going out all the time

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I really don't have anyone to interact with anymore, except the occasional store clerk or the like, but I know I come off as completely normal (relatively speaking), and I'm sure if I did have family where I needed to mask my CTB tendencies, I could with no problem. It's what we have to do.

 

[TimetoGo!]

Just the way I spoke to her but makes out the way she's acting I had hit her etc which I would never do.Tried to talk things calmly with her she's not intrested.2.5 years on memories and my beautiful babies down the drain.she's living the life going out all the time

It's what we have to do.

absolutely true

 

[Wannagonow]

Sorry you have the situation you do. Some people are more confident than others and they don't play the let's pretend game of "sure- I'm fine". I don't have the backbone to challenge people. Too many years of people telling me "it'll be fine", "get some excercise" and "you need to get out more". Since I know the comments are hurtful to me I just suck it up and lie. Alot of "normies" are uncomfortable having conversations about mental illness, physical illness and basically anything they don't understand. Shame on them! I hope you find what works for you. You deserve better.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I can't tell people irl because my friends will either disown me, or suggest going to a psych hospital. My mom doesn't want to hear it and will just say shit like "well you can't take your life" or "I don't know what to tell you".

 

[TimetoGo!]

I can't tell people irl because my friends will either disown me, or suggest going to a psych hospital. My mom doesn't want to hear it and will just say shit like "well you can't take your life" or "I don't know what to tell you".

Yep, had all those quotes mate

 

[TAW122]

Well said, I don't think many people (truly) give a shit, but act as they do just to virtue signal. I too put on an act not because I want to but because I have to, in order to avoid the unwanted consequences of people knowing my true intentions (CTB and what not).

Yes we kinda have to act in work situation or in front of some family members. Nobody cares about our mental health issues. I don't expect anyone to care anymore. My wife knows I am under heavy psychiatric treatment but still wants a child. After I CTB she'll be a single mom. My mother who should be the most caring one only calls when she need some kind of paperwork to get done or something on the internet she doesn't understand. I hope the end of the road is near.

I do too, I always defer to the following year, but I hope this coming next year sometime will be the finale of what is a tormenting and shitty life that I lead.

I really don't have anyone to interact with anymore, except the occasional store clerk or the like, but I know I come off as completely normal (relatively speaking), and I'm sure if I did have family where I needed to mask my CTB tendencies, I could with no problem. It's what we have to do.

I suppose in the public I try to blend in too and for most people though I am socially awkward would probably not think that I want to CTB, maybe somber at best. Even being somber could insinuate being depressed and what not so I try to maintain a not so somber appearance the best I can, but more similar to the indifferent demeanor/poker face.

Of course it's the best thing to do when around others in my opinion, to put on an act in front of them. We exist in a society that places so much stigma on the subject of suicide to the point in which it cannot be discussed openly without the fear of others potentially interfering with our plans to die. The thought of someone voluntarily choosing death over life scares many people who don't understand what it's like to be suicidal as it shatters their worldview so they would wish to avoid the subject of rational suicide as well.

Suicide really should be accepted as being a rational option to free ourselves from an existence not worth enduring and it's so wrong how it's not and how we have to suffer so much in finding ways to leave this world. People act like to die is the worst thing but continuing to stay here will always be way, way worse to me. There could never be anything wrong with choosing not to delay our inevitable fate and that is the reality.

Absolutely. I will also add that even those who are 'suicidal' (usually pro-lifers) still claim that suicide is wrong and is always irrational. Those kinds of 'pro-lifers' are even more problematic than the ignorant ones.

 

[Unlovable98]

I learned the hard way that nobody really gives a shit about the demons you're fighting. as long as they've got theirs they're happy. people are so selfish these days…

 

[TimetoGo!]

I learned the hard way that nobody really gives a shit about the demons you're fighting. as long as they've got theirs they're happy. people are so selfish these days…

Exactly right

 

[foreverfalling]

I barely have enough shits to give myself, let alone to other people. I've tried caring about other people, but it felt phony like it was an act. Why am I caring and spending so much effort caring about this person? Eventually I either burn out or realise I wasn't getting something equal in return. I'm probably just as selfish as I think other people are.

Now I try to help or care about people what little I can, but I remind myself not to expect anything in return.

 

[TimetoGo!]

I think we all have to mask in society. The pressures of social conformity are a challenge even for normies, but for people in our situation it is on another level. Society taboos open discussion on this topic and then expresses shock when a suicide is completed.

Your exactly right

 

[sunsetting]

No one truly cares it's just they want to keep appearances and then when the loved one commits suicide everyone's like "oh no how could he do it? He had so much to live for!" while also not taking any of it seriously when the person was still alive.
It's so rare to actually meet someone that is actually sympathetic to your feelings and tries to be with you that it feels like you're being lined up to be scammed or something lol