Venting does anyone actually feel good after venting?

[minamin]

So for me, I really don't like venting publicly or to other people. Especially because if you tweet "I hate my life", what is anyone else supposed to say? If you tell your friend out loud you want to CTB, they go "Noo, don't do that". And while that's a very nice sentiment, it does not change the fact I want to CTB. Someone offering to "help" me after hearing a fraction of how I actually feel doesn't make me feel better because I don't want help, I want a way out.

So then okay, if I can't vent irl, I'll vent in my diary. Pages and pages of thoughts. But that still doesn't change anything. It doesn't make me feel less miserable, just makes me reread it and go "Yup, still depressed"…

And then here is SaSu. There are tons of venting threads here. I guess this thread in a meta way is venting too. But it's almost the same thing as writing in my diary… I don't feel better after and I end up deleting what I say almost 100% of the time.

And what's weird is… Despite saying all this, and despite knowing that it won't help me, I still think "God, I want to tweet that I'm miserable! I want to hang out later with a friend and tell them I'm super depressed". Even though I KNOW that I wont get any benefit from it. That it won't make me feel better and will just make me feel worse. But I still… want to vent!!!

I guess what I'm wondering is, does anyone actually feel better when they're getting things off their chest? And is there a reason the human mind is so paradoxical like this? I surely can't be the only one who feels this.

(Also editing to say: I'm not trying to be rude to anyone on here who vents. If it helps you, all power to you. I'm just talking about my person experience with it.)

 

[landslide2]

i think people do feel better. for how long is another matter.
but it's like a relief valve u open sometimes to relieve some emotional pressure.

 

[Wolf Girl]

This is called co-rumination and it appears to contribute to depression in some people. Maybe do some googling of that term and see what you can learn. I'm also addicted to telling people I'm miserable. It causes problems.

 

[jexiste]

ah well, social media platforms def arent going to be satisfying places to vent about ctb, at least in a public context.

opening up about those feelings is certainly one of the most intense topics you can put in front of someone. there's like 3 or 4 people ive fully opened up with re: ctb (in person, that is). when that moment happens bc you've both landed on this point of total comfort and trust in each other... for me its one of the most powerful experiences I've had

 

[minamin]

This is called co-rumination and it appears to contribute to depression in some people. Maybe do some googling of that term and see what you can learn. I'm also addicted to telling people I'm miserable. It causes problems.

I'd never heard of this (obviously knew the word ruminate but never heard about co-rumination), though for me at least I keep it all inside/to myself 90% of the time, so maybe it's just rumination on my end. Like, no one I have personally that I can co-ruminate with.

I don't know if it's better or worse to be able to at least tell people you're miserable. Well, I guess on this website everyone can do it. But when it comes to matters off this website, to friends and family both online and IRL, I just can't do it. I clam up. I had a friend confront me one time about how I was shutting myself away and I literally couldn't respond (because I was so embarrassed? Ashamed? Miserable?), I had to leave, I could not articulate any kind of response. Being able to share that information with people at least feels like you're honest… even if that does cause problems obviously which sucks.

i think people do feel better. for how long is another matter.
but it's like a relief valve u open sometimes to relieve some emotional pressure.

That second line is good, like a relief valve… I guess that would be how I could describe my relationship with venting, I can do it in writing, but there's always going to be some left/it's never going to take it all away.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It tends to depend on the response. Sometimes it has helped. If people have either validated how I feel or, shown sympathy.

But, I also kind of know from personal experience- it's difficult to maintain a deep level of sympathy for someone who- in each message, tells you they're struggling worse than they ever have been before. Sounds cruel I know but it can be exhausting to be worrying for you and them. I feel like I've experienced it from both sides.

I've probably had more times like you though- when all I've got back were platitudes and sometimes, kind of ridiculous suggestions. They made me feel worse. So now, I try not to vent so much.

 

[Kavka]

I feel the same way! I'm a bit lazy today, so I'm just going to quote my own reply in another thread about venting, which you might also find interesting.

Maybe venting works for some people, but in my experience both parties usually feel worse afterwards.

It never really solves anything and it always comes at a cost. Like you, it makes me feel vulnerable and guilty for being (possibly) unreasonable and making people part of my problem. It's tricky though because I still feel the need to vent and blow off steam, but I try not to because I just don't like myself when I do.

The irony of venting about how venting doesn't work for me is not lost on me, lol.

 

[davidtorez]

Very temporarily unfortunately

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It depends. I do feel better after venting when I'm not invalidated! That is a crucial point of venting itself when someone is in so much pain and/or distress.

It makes me feel better if people can relate, have experienced similar situations and can share their own experience but it's made worse if I vent to someone who just answers with pro-lifer platitudes like - "You can't kys!" "It'll get better" "Just get over it!" "Others have it worse" ... and other stuff we don't wanna hear when our lives are just going downhill.

 

[rozeske]

I'm not the venting type. Looking at my post count you would think I'm the sharing type but sadly i find it hard to share my feelings as much as i wish to but on the occasions that i do, I find it to be quite helpful, more so when I recieve supportive feedback and when I'm validated on my feelings, but even just writing it out there helps a lot. It obviously doesn't change my situation and I don't expect it to but I find it to be helpful in it's own way.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Actually yes, unless I get interrupted or I'm unable to complete my vent for whatever reason. Sucks that it usually has to bring everyone else down though.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I do feel good after venting but only if the other person understands me. I like being around people who understand me and I want to be away from those who don't understand me

 

[astr4]

depends on the other person's response, like previous replies have said.

>"your feelings make a lot of sense and it sounds like you've been having a really hard time, that sucks."
>i feel like my friend cares and they're not trying to dismiss my feelings

>"bro u can just get over it no? why don't you do xyz, just fix it easily?"
>my friend isn't hearing me at all, i'm not getting any validation, i know now to never speak to them about my problems.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Venting never has been helpful for me, nor am I very good at it. Personally I don't like how it looks a lot of the time, just so self-indulgent. What purpose does it serve besides potential emotional release and validation? For me it's usually not worth the effort to put into words. Venting just seems like a dead end: stating the obvious. Like yeah, I already knew that. Having strangers or a therapist hear my thoughts hasn't provided any sort of leverage or comfort. I don't expect it to either. So I think it can only really be helpful if there's a clear and plausible/possible effect that could follow a vent.

Some people are just more in tune with their thoughts and are better able to articulate them than others, so it's also a honed skill. I happen to suck at speaking from a place of vulnerability. Hth

 

[eden101]

no i don't. i don't like it at all. which is why i have started to hate this account after venting on it. and maybe i'll delete it

 

[sugarb]

I think for me it's better than feeling and NOT typing. If I didn't write when I was upset I might take up self harm or something. also, I don't always write in a vent-y way when I'm upset; I often write poetry, share general thoughts, etc. and in general most of my diary entries are just thoughts or status updates. Occasionally, angsty status updates