Does anybody feel worse when they're NOT suicidal?

[fightingforchoice]

Like the safety net has gone and you need to make a go of this life despite all your trauma, limitations and mistakes?

 

[throneofdispair03]

Sounds very similar to my situation.

 

[FutureHanger]

yh it's worse cuz I know I'm finna have my hopes shattered once I go back to my default depressed mode

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

One of the worst feelings. Always get that hope after a single good day and it makes me feel so empty.. cannot even explain. I am quite used to being suicidal so I don't even know what to think about without these thoughts circling 24/7. This causes insane amounts of emptiness and I dissociate instantly.

 

[Gonnerr]

I feel better when im not suicidal, that doesn't happen often but at least that gives me a break.

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

Not thinking about suicide and looking into a non-suicide future can be so overwhelming and full of dread. Thinking about an escape route (suicide) can be comforting.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

The prospect of suicide and death is the only thing that alleviates my anxieties. Unfortunately, that comes with its own share of anxiety as well.

 

[Ovid]

Yes
"I felt better 'bout myself when I was feeling bad" Bladee - DG Jeans
When I'm not feeling suicidal I feel guilty, in my head I dont deserve to not feel suicidal, I don't deserve to feel happy.
It is also comforting to be suicidal because that state of mind has one clear goal - death. Life is chaotic and we don't know what's going to happen, suicidal ideation gives us a definitive answer to what will happen to us.
I love the way you describe it. "The safety net". That's honestly really beautiful, what a way to describe it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm never not suicidal. I'll always be wishing that I was dead