Does anybody else feel braindead?

[TheHatedOne]

I don't know how else to name it but...
I can barely link two coherent sentences together.
I struggle finding words.
I forget basic words both in my native language and in English.
When I read a book I have to analyze the paragraphs and read sentences over and over again to freakin' understand it.
Tell me any piece of information and then ask me about it again moments later and I won't be able to recall it.
I'm struggling to even write this post.
My comprehension skills are on minus to the point that any real life situation is like a puzzle.

I don't know how I got to this point. I used to be really bright when I was a teenager. Now I'm the opposite and I'm only 20. I don't think it's from alcohol since it started long before my initial addiction. It's like there's a mist over my brain or even better, like those drawings with chaotic lines. Maybe it's trauma, I don't know. But this makes me wanna die even more. I don't know how I could live so far as a zombie.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do, a lot of the time. In a way it is like I have already died. I struggle with concentration, sometimes I find it hard to concentrate on reading the posts here and my memory is terrible. I just feel so tired all the time. I think in my case, I have always had low intelligence and I have never had much of an attention span. This has got worse over the years. I just want to be free from this existence

 

[Whenhopelostmemory]

Same ..brain dead. No motivation... Getting dumber by day... Such a waste of life I am

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

I'm struggling finding the correct words lately. It's frightening how quickly my vocabulary has gone down the pan.

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

That describes a lot of how I am feeling most days. I didn't understand why I was like this, but then I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, which atleast gave me an explanation for my slow-ass brain.

I just feel so frustrated with myself, not being able to function when it just seems like everyone else can function so easily.

The other day I was at a team meeting and saw my coworker. I asked them, "wait, were you always a part of this team?"

And of course they had been - They had been for almost 3 months. I see them at each meeting, talk to them, etc. But that they my brain genuinely couldn't remember during that time.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Yep. I know hanging has a high risk of brain damage should it fail, but I'm fairly certain my brain is already fucked to the point it cannot handle life in the future. I am already forgetting basic garbage (math formulas and rules for example) in spite of having used and practiced them so many times in the past. Strange how the mind forgets those regardless of how many times you practice, yet when a single bad memory happens to us once, we remember it forever.

 

[littlelungs]

Yes, all the time. I constantly feel like my brain is shitting its pants.

 

[TheHatedOne]

Yep. I know hanging has a high risk of brain damage should it fail, but I'm fairly certain my brain is already fucked to the point it cannot handle life in the future. I am already forgetting basic garbage (math formulas and rules for example) in spite of having used and practiced them so many times in the past. Strange how the mind forgets those regardless of how many times you practice, yet when a single bad memory happens to us once, we remember it forever.

What keeps me from hanging aside of my fear of death is the risk of failure which would result in becoming a vegetable. But if I let myself get old I fear that my brain will reach such a state anyway. It's like that meme with the dude who struggles to decide which button to push.

Referring to the last part, our brains and bodies operate on suffering. If I'd have to describe these two with a word it would definitely be ''suffering''.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

What keeps me from hanging aside of my fear of death is the risk of failure which would result in becoming a vegetable. But if I let myself get old I fear that my brain will reach such a state anyway. It's like that meme with the dude who struggles to decide which button to push.

Referring to the last part, our brains and bodies operate on suffering. If I'd have to describe these two with a word it would definitely be ''suffering''.

The risk and consequences of failure from hanging has concerned me as well. I often think about whether to choose full suspension over partial, whether I want a more assured death as opposed to a painless one.

 

[TheHatedOne]

The risk and consequences of failure from hanging has concerned me as well. I often think about whether to choose full suspension over partial, whether I want a more assured death as opposed to a painless one.

Both are risky if you don't do them well. In both cases if the rope slips/fall or if the anchor point isn't strong enough or if the position isn't okay while you're unconscious you can end up with permanent brain damage.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Both are risky if you don't do them well. In both cases if the rope slips/fall or if the anchor point isn't strong enough or if the position isn't okay while you're unconscious you can end up with permanent brain damage.

The main thing I'm worried about is the possibility of having the hanging interrupted. I'm fairly confident I can find a strong anchor point and tie the rope to it

 

[TheHatedOne]

The main thing I'm worried about is the possibility of having the hanging interrupted. I'm fairly confident I can find a strong anchor point and tie the rope to it

Yes, that's indeed a good point. I'm thankfull I'm all alone in my apartment rn so I don't have to worry about it. But about everything else tho.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yep. I can't follow movies or TV shows. I miss nuances and certain details all the time. I just switch off if someone is talking to me. Like I'll pretend I understood all of it but in reality heard almost nothing. My brain is fried.

 

[clown_17]

All the time. It got so bad at a point I genuinely believed I had dementia. Memory loss, anhedonia, disorganized thoughts, brain fog, avolition. Sometimes I couldn't even move or speak. I also struggle way more with math and reading now. And I'm less creative. I was hospitalized because it was destroying my ability to function. It's better now a bit but still, it's probably one of the worst things that has happened. Like worse than the depression, the anxiety, any family issue, anything work related. It's like completely losing yourself while still being alive and I hate it. I can hardly remember what it was like before then. It's like my world used to be like the galaxy (like as in new ideas, endless new experiences in life) and now it's jsut a small room with 4 white walls.

 

[newave3]

I'm absolutely brain dead. I feel nothing and because of that I will say or do anything. I used to care about the consequences of my actions and words. Now I don't.
I used to be fairly intelligent. Now I have the IQ of a potted plant. Thanks depression. You really fucked me up.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Easy choice. I got the second part already covered.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

Yes. I feel that's why I'm alone. Disrespected. Because I'm not smart enough. Not good enough to be with anyone.

I forget things all the time and I'm not able to work or doing anything outside because of the tremors and cognitive disfunction.

 

[Grav]

My memory has always been spotty but the last 10 years or so I'm really forgetting stuff. The worst part is I read a lot and now it's hard to follow what I read 2 pages ago. I remember the idea of the book but not details. I've started doing easy crosswords just to get some kind of exercise or have the juices flow again. Work has had instances of forgetting or not doing things I know I should have done and have done multiple times. Yep it feels like some kind of dementia.

 

[callme]

Of course, all the time. But the difference is you guys don't show any symptoms while I openly do. Which makes me think if it's not depression on your part, and genuine stupidity on mine.

Is there a person, who never finds out anything themselves. Never goes to the doctor. Never had any treatment, never read a book on what may have gone wrong. Has never written anything, any feeling out in a forum, because nobody understands or feels even remotely close. Has never even been good enough to get started on anything like that.

Most of you have been to the doctor, and I am so screwed my GP is a family friend.

View attachment 75178
Easy choice. I got the second part already covered.

Yes, too bad cheap alcohol sucks and good alcohol isn't cheap. Suggestions welcome?

Tom would disagree about drinking altogether - been sober since 1979, but then he's a successful singer so at least he has something else going for him, even with a voice like that.

I mean drinking because it's the easiest, not as likely as drugs/medicine to screw something up. Of course, as a stupid, I'd spend years reading other people's experience and opinions, not information, because I don't get it. That means looking for an ultimate drug - one which has never made anybody feel bad, never has any negative interactions and is cheap.

Any normal person would've known what is GABA, what are enzymes and everything even addicts can tell when high. Not me. I can read it over and over again and it reads as a chinese instruction manual to me.