Venting Doctor sending me to the ER

[farine_de_ble]

As the title said. I admitted I'd probably attempt suicide if I went home tonight (I attempt every night, never works). Now I'm being sent to the hospital. I don't know if they'll be able to help me or if I'm permanently damaged. I feel like I'm damaged goods. Useless.

I'm pretty sure I permanently wrecked my life by mistakes I made ages ago. I'll probably go to the hospital, get assessed, go home, and then keep attempting suicide night after night until I finally get there. So I'm not really sure what the point is. Or maybe I'm wrong and the doctor is right and there's some combination of meds that can fix me. I don't know.
And there's campus security on site watching me. Like, if I wanted to be dead I'd be dead now. If I wanna be dead later I'll be dead later. I don't even know HOW to commit suicide. I try it every night and never get anywhere. *Sigh* I'll go to the hospital, go home, still won't be able to wash the fucking dishes, everything will stay the same...

 

[Abyssal]

Well if you want to not attempt tonight, then you won't. Psych wards aren't good at much, but they tend to be good at keeping people alive.

You'll see a lot of psych ward hate on here, take it as you will, but the fact is that some people really do improve after a trip to the psych ward. Not everyone, but some do. If you want to get better, go in with an open mind and don't let others experiences impact your stay. I wish you luck and hope your doctors are kind and capable.

 

[farine_de_ble]

Well if you want to not attempt tonight, then you won't. Psych wards aren't good at much, but they tend to be good at keeping people alive.

You'll see a lot of psych ward hate on here, take it as you will, but the fact is that some people really do improve after a trip to the psych ward. Not everyone, but some do. If you want to get better, go in with an open mind and don't let others experiences impact your stay. I wish you luck and hope your doctors are kind and capable.

Thank you! I kind of want to want to live. I just don't and can't bring myself to care. I honestly wish ctb were easy. I'd've been long gone if there were a nice and simple way out. I feel like I'm trapped here, in the world, against my will. I've been feeling this way for so long, and I can't imagine a forced trip to the hospital changing anything for the better...

I also kind of want to go home and attempt suicide yet again. I gave all my sleeping pills to my aunt and I wish I hadn't, now, I know they might not have worked but at least I'd have tried