Do you worry about being brave enough?

[Richard Langford]

Do you worry about being brave enough? I do. Do you? How are you coping with that?

 

[ma0]

I'm very much of a pussy when it comes to actually commiting to CTB. I have my method pretty much perfect but it's just a case of executing it, which I'm too wimpy to do.

I think it's a case of me needing to desensitize myself, which so far seems to be going well with me and this forum.

 

[TheHolySword]

No, not really. I'm still a few months out from being able to CTB but I'm not scared of death. I accepted nothingness. And at this point it's either die and find peace in its non existence or live and suffer every day. There's only one option for me.

 

[Jadeith]

Do you worry about being brave enough?

No. I want this. I planned this. I can't wait when my duties end and i'll be free to leave.
But....
I worry about those who will get hurt in the process. I worry about some nameless poor fuck who will have to clean up my carcass. I worry about those who will have to pick up the slack caused by my absence.

 

[Bruce]

Am I scared of death? No! I can't wait to meet her! Scared of life? Yes! Worried I might not take the step? Also yes. then I'll be stuck in life. But I try not to dwell on it. I try to take it step by step. When I'll get there I hope I'll have the courage to do it.

 

[NonEssential]

I don't have access to any method that would 100% work so I do fear failing and ending up with brain damage.

 

[onthefence]

Do you worry about being brave enough? I do. Do you? How are you coping with that?

I know that when I am dissociated it will be much easier so I am working on strengthening my dissociation superpower. The only problem is that I have have gotten so good at it that I can make myself basically catatonic which is too dissociated to act. I'm trying to find the place where I'm dissociated enough to be numb but can still move my body to do the final acts needed.

 

[Richard Langford]

I know that when I am dissociated it will be much easier so I am working on strengthening my dissociation superpower. The only problem is that I have have gotten so good at it that I can make myself basically catatonic which is too dissociated to act. I'm trying to find the place where I'm dissociated enough to be numb but can still move my body to do the final acts needed.

Benzo's?

 

[onthefence]

I don't have access to benzos and with the meds I've managed to procure legally lately (saving up for CTB) I doubt anyone would give me any. I can't go the illegal route- way too much at risk.

My dissociation skills are the gift I got from all of my early trauma. Didn't even realize I was doing it all the time until a couple years ago and now that I'm more aware it just makes me want to CTB more.

 

[itsfinalyover]

Do you worry about being brave enough? I do. Do you? How are you coping with that?

In a sense yes, but honestly I've been delaying it for too long. I feel like I should get it over with sooner or later.

 

[human909]

Yes, i am worried of being brave enough and then end up being stuck here in this world again. That's why i'm thinking of jumping as it does not require much work.

 

[Richard Langford]

Yes, i am worried of being brave enough and then end up being stuck here again. That's why i'm thinking of jumping as it does not require much work.

Fcuking hell that takes a LOT of bravery.

 

[human909]

Fcuking hell that takes a LOT of bravery.

not really, you just have to find a place high enough and then jump. But i guess it does take somewhat a lot of bravery.

 

[Richard Langford]

Its not like just taking pills and having a lie down though is it.

 

[Corvette90]

I said to my friend years ago ctb is brave. My statement didn't go down well . which I was a bit shocked about as she has suffered with depression in the past. I know people say it's brave to live which is not wrong. Trying to end your life is extremely difficult. I'm feeling brave in theory but when I have my method actually in front of me I can't say I will be. I feel like a wounded animal pushed into a corner and my only way out is death. I just hope when I do get the courage nothing goes wrong.

 

[Richard Langford]

I said to my friend years ago ctb is brave. My statement didn't go down well . which I was a bit shocked about as she has suffered with depression in the past. I know people say it's brave to live which is not wrong. Trying to end your life is extremely difficult. I'm feeling brave in theory but when I have my method actually in front of me I can't say I will be. I feel like a wounded animal pushed into a corner and my only way out is death. I just hope when I do get the courage nothing goes wrong.

No I cant 100% say I will be either re doing it. People often it appears use chemical means to numb them from the task (Benzo's) or (I'd imagine) do it very quickly. A very famous Professional Golfer used to say about Putting (miss 'em quick) so the stress and apprehension of the act doesn't build up. And me too re nothing going wrong.

 

[areyousafe??]

I don't believe anyone who says that "suicide is for cowards" has ever been close enough to do it. That they have been close enough to consider jumping off a cliff, gone to the edge of a cliff with the intent to jump. Your feet literally freezes, become like brick and your survival instinct hits you so hard that you turn back and go home. Alcohol and benzos numb this.

I am not brave enough, but everyday makes me want to overcome this lack of bravery/cowardice.

 

[Richard Langford]

I don't believe anyone who says that "suicide is for cowards" has ever been close enough to do it. That they have been close enough to consider jumping off a cliff, gone to the edge of a cliff with the intent to jump. Your feet literally freezes, become like brick and your survival instinct hits you so hard that you turn back and go home. Alcohol and benzos numb this.

I am not brave enough, but everyday makes me want to overcome this lack of bravery/cowardice.

I think that's why people look for painless (pleasant) methods like drugs of different kinds. I am and while a challenge I'm hopefully succeeding. Jumping off a cliff is fcuking scary however you look at it. Taking something and drifting off to sleep in bed far less so.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, it worries me. My hope is that I can convince myself that the prospect of more life is even more frightening. And, that to free myself of that, it's worth risking some shorter term fear and pain.

 

[banger12]

Do you worry about being brave enough? I do. Do you? How are you coping with that?

I do, and it has grown to be a bigger concern lately. I was actually considering making a post about it the other day so it's nice to see I'm not alone in this fear. I still might because I have no clue wtf to do about it and as my time grows nearer it stresses me out because I can't fuck this up.

I'm so sorry you're in the same boat and I hope in asking that you have found helpful suggestions.

 

[Richard Langford]

I do, and it has grown to be a bigger concern lately. I was actually considering making a post about it the other day so it's nice to see I'm not alone in this fear. I still might because I have no clue wtf to do about it and as my time grows nearer it stresses me out because I can't fuck this up.

I'm so sorry you're in the same boat and I hope in asking that you have found helpful suggestions.

I think realistically you're far from alone. Chemical support (or alcohol) seems to the solution many turn to numb the difficulty. Others look for company/support (a partner or suchlike ) albeit I'm not sure re that myself. In many respects planning the means is very important - facilitating the most painless, pleasant passing. However, that activity does put a tremendous strain on your mental health - not least of which the hurdles you have to overcome to obtain the means.

 

[banger12]

I think realistically you're far from alone. Chemical support (or alcohol) seems to the solution many turn to numb the difficulty. Others look for company/support (a partner or suchlike ) albeit I'm not sure re that myself. In many respects planning the means is very important - facilitating the most painless, pleasant passing. However, that activity does put a tremendous strain on your mental health - not least of which the hurdles you have to overcome to obtain the means.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. And I get how straining it all feels. Thank you for summarizing some of what you've found on this.

 

[areyousafe??]

I think that's why people look for painless (pleasant) methods like drugs of different kinds. I am and while a challenge I'm hopefully succeeding. Jumping off a cliff is fcuking scary however you look at it. Taking something and drifting off to sleep in bed far less so.

I agree with you there. Taking an OD, using SN or nitrogen gas are far less scary to me than jumping off a cliff, or using a gun.

 

[Richard Langford]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. And I get how straining it all feels. Thank you for summarizing some of what you've found on this.

Thank you and likewise with you. The actual process of precurring the means is just a massive burden in itself. In many respects when that is achieved that will be a considerable relief.

 

[NegevChina]

I've got all I need for the method I find most peaceful and access to, IG+eb. I'm making rehearsals on putting on the eb, I've written a detailed plan/protocol for the night I'll attempt, I've written notes to all my loved ones, it must be done within the next 3 weeks, since I'm about to experience my life deteriorating much more, my wife will probably leave me, i'll lose my house, my mental condition will deteriorate, but where am I going to get the courage? My plan includes the timing of the benzos I'll take, but I dont want to take to much that will make me incapable of performing it correctly.
A few months ago when I was in total panic, I considered jumping from the 9th floor as an immediate escape. I didn't want to traumatize anyone so I was thinking of other methods. As time past by, I got better and could get Nitrogen and the rest of the things and that made me feel more relaxed and its much more difficult to CTB when I feel a little relaxed. But I know its temporary and I must find the courage to go ahead and do it, force my self in some way to prevent living hell.

 

[LittleBlackCat]

Do you worry about being brave enough? I do. Do you? How are you coping with that?

I worry about it a lot. Not sure how I'm coping with it.. I'm not really. I try to push it to the back of my mind and distract my myself with something else. But I know I need to face these fears at some point. I should be doing more 'prep work' for CTB . At the moment I'm just hoping for the best when the time comes

 

[Richard Langford]

I worry about it a lot. Not sure how I'm coping with it.. I'm not really. I try to push it to the back of my mind and distract my myself with something else. But I know I need to face these fears at some point. I should be doing more 'prep work' for CTB . At the moment I'm just hoping for the best when the time comes

Likewise. If you want to PM me to discuss suchlike by all means.

 

[NitrogenAfternoon]

No. Peaceful methods exist and make this easier to face. Also, when that impulse arrives, there is no control, and this time there is no one here to even stop me or make me reconsider. It's become much scarier facing the reality of living life completely alone. The euphoria I felt when I thought I was going to die last time made me realize it is time for me.

 

[WatchmeBurn]

Yeah. I've failed because of a lack of bravery before 2x.

 

[Bruce]

Fcuking hell that takes a LOT of bravery.

This! Exactly!

I feel like a wounded animal pushed into a corner and my only way out is death. I just hope when I do get the courage nothing goes wrong.

Humans do that to eachother, and to animals as well. Oh the things that I have seen done to animals and which I would like to unsee.. I'm sorry Corvette, I do hope that when time comes your method works as best as it should and you suffer as little as possible. Then your corner will become the universe, maybe, hopefully. : )

I am not brave enough, but everyday makes me want to overcome this lack of bravery/cowardice.

Many people are not, brave, or are they? Many times we have to be in certain situations to find out how we handle ourselves. I've done certain drills to prepare for fire and/or injuries but they always told us that no matter how much we train we will never be prepared enough for the actual event.

Taking an OD, using SN or nitrogen gas are far less scary to me than jumping off a cliff, or using a gun.

Subjective! Jumping of a cliff does sound scary but shooting a gun in one's mouth is fast (you'll be dead before your brain registers it) and effective. I would choose that over my full suspension.

I worry about it a lot. Not sure how I'm coping with it.. I'm not really. I try to push it to the back of my mind and distract my myself with something else. But I know I need to face these fears at some point. I should be doing more 'prep work' for CTB . At the moment I'm just hoping for the best when the time comes

Don't think about it until you're actually there! There's no point thinking if you should take an umbrella or not with you if you don't know if it's going to rain or not.

It's become much scarier facing the reality of living life completely alone. The euphoria I felt when I thought I was going to die last time made me realize it is time for me.

Yeah.. this is one of the things that saddens me as well. It's difficult to be alone.

Yeah. I've failed because of a lack of bravery before 2x.

But you've tried 2x! This is the opposite of lack.