Do you want connection but at the same you don't want it?

[Ambivalent1]

I've known people in my life worth knowing, but it's been awhile. They were met through family, church, and school. I'm past that stage.

A lot of people I encounter are eh. Men in public are often antagonistic, for some reason. Some people seem nice, but I don't have the opportunity to get to know them well enough to see who they really are underneath. To know that, you have to spend time with them in various situations, and that's not really possible nowadays. The only people who would allow for that would be a romantic partner. Deep platonic friendships that start past 30 seem rare. Everyone is too busy and caught up with their own stuff and the people they already have in their life.

Sadly, most people are inaccessible. There are many people you would mesh well with, but you'll probably never meet them or be around them often enough to discover that you're kindred spirits. People enter and leave your life like a puff of smoke. Adult life feels like a shadow life.

 

[untothedepths]

I would say yes but then I remember the stuff I've been through and keep going through. I've literally changed so much to try to accommodate people I don't even know if I am still the same person I was. I guess I'm a people pleasing pushover. People can 'smell' this and I guess I deserve little respect or something, I don't know. I also can't tell who is genuine anymore. I also don't know whatever little word, phrase, or basically any little harmless opinion I've had has made people just sorta distance themselves away form me like I'm the plague. I don't know what I've done. I cannot recall anything I've said that's outright bigotry or inflammatory or anything. I guess I'm one of those people who build up walls even though in total hypocrisy I'd like to have friends yet I worry people just keep me around to laugh at me behind 'closed doors'.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I wish I had connection so that I can finally know what it's like to have an irl friend by your side. I never had an irl friend so I don't know what it's like. On the other hand, I think that I would just get burnt out from trying to maintain a friendship as I'm always so exhausted and tired

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I want it so badly but my anxious nature would probably still be unhappy even with one.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Your post is very relatable.

I knew many people in the past who I got along with well, but still not well enough to the point which I felt that there was an emotional connection, so because of this they were not really close friends or friends at all, and this also goes for almost everybody who I know in the present too. There have been a few people who I held personal and strong connections with, so I considered them close to me, but I met them by total chance - in unique situations or environments that I have not been in for many years, and cannot go back to. I tried to maintain these strong connections and succeeded with some; though as time passed by, and we left these environments, we became distant to the point of being estranged. Now that I am slightly older I cannot replicate the conditions or return to the environments where I met my former close friends, so now I have almost no one.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish I had "connections" too get out of the hole and my misery, connections to be able for a possible restart. But I have none in this regards. Family and friends I have can't help they also don't have the connections needed.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In the past, I've had very close friendships. They made me feel so happy at the time. But then, it makes the hurt of losing them all the worse and it's so hard to maintain frienships as you get older, your lives and locations separate and people have other priorities like children, work and so little time. Sometimes I think my life would be better with others in it but I don't want to risk all that loss again really.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

It's very common for me to desire something and then not want it anymore some time later. It's a cycle that tortures me every day and makes me an indecisive person, all thanks to my ADHD.

It's common for me to socialize with people when I'm in a depressive state, as a way to try to feel a little better. However, whenever I'm in a good mood, I become a completely selfish person and socializing becomes boring, so I automatically stop talking to people.
But when I stop socializing, I start to feel lonely, therefore the cycle repeats indefinitely.

I hate pleasure. Pleasure only makes me become a selfish person...

 

[Aesthetic guy]

 

[Ambivalent1]

In the past, I've had very close friendships. They made me feel so happy at the time. But then, it makes the hurt of losing them all the worse and it's so hard to maintain frienships as you get older, your lives and locations separate and people have other priorities like children, work and so little time. Sometimes I think my life would be better with others in it but I don't want to risk all that loss again really.

Would you say most people over 30 are friendless? They may have their family though or a partner so friendship isn't necessary.

 

[sserafim]

No because I hate other people and humanity. Humanity is the scourge of the earth. It would be better for us to go voluntarily extinct. Why would I want connection?

 

[Ambivalent1]

No because I hate other people and humanity. Humanity is the scourge of the earth. It would be better for us to go voluntarily extinct. Why would I want connection?

Then why do you talk to people on here? Is it only because you're bored and looking to be entertained? Do you really hate ALL people?

 

[sserafim]

Then why do you talk to people on here? Is it only because you're bored and looking to be entertained? Do you really hate ALL people?

I don't actually know lol. I hate humanity in general

 

[Ambivalent1]

I don't actually know lol. I hate humanity in general

That's misanthropy. I can relate to hating a crowd of people but individually seeing that some are likeable and worth knowing.

Edit: and not knowing is common. People are complex and don't always know their motivations. You could hate people because you can't fit in with them or they make you feel anxious and stressed causing you to see them as the cause of those feelings when the cause could be because of your issues like with my issues.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Would you say most people over 30 are friendless? They may have their family though or a partner so friendship isn't necessary.

Not sure really. As I say, I haven't kept in touch with people enough to know! I suspect people with similarities keep in touch. It takes so much effort though. But definitely- having children and relationships is a big draw away from friendships.

 

[sserafim]

That's misanthropy. I can relate to hating a crowd of people but individually seeing that some are likeable and worth knowing.

I hate other people as well. I hate people in general. The people that I hate outnumber those that are likeable and worth knowing by far. I just don't like people. There's nothing to like about them

 

[Ambivalent1]

Not sure really. As I say, I haven't kept in touch with people enough to know! I suspect people with similarities keep in touch. It takes so much effort though. But definitely- having children and relationships is a big draw away from friendships.

I had a long friendship last almost a decade but it ended when she became an aunt and now she's busier than before and I was discarded

I hate other people as well. I hate people in general. The people that I hate outnumber those that are likeable and worth knowing by far. I just don't like people. There's nothing to like about them

Read my edit to the post you responded to. What is your opinion on that?

 

[sserafim]

I had a long friendship last almost a decade but it ended when she became an aunt and now she's busier than before and I was discarded

Read my edit to the post you responded to. What is your opinion on that?

There's nothing to like about people. Most of them aren't interesting and are just cookie cutter versions of other people. People all seem to fit the same mold. They all have the same motivations. There's a reason why propaganda works: because people are the same at the end of the day. People lack authenticity and individuality. The vast majority of people are extremely dumb and stupid. They lack critical thinking skills and the ability to think for themselves

 

[Ambivalent1]

There's nothing to like about other people. Most of them aren't interesting and are just cookie cutter versions of those people. People all seem to fit the same mold. They all have the same motivations. There's a reason why propaganda works: because people are the same at the end of the day. People lack authenticity and individuality. The vast majority of people are also extremely dumb and stupid

I think I've been away from people so long that I've forgotten what youve just pointed out lol I want to remember why I initially shut myself away.

I was watching a show called Prison Break. In the 5th season, one of the guys says "I'm going to get my own little place and stay inside. The world can stay outside where it belongs."

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Everyday. I'm someone who's incapable of wanting/seeking out/maintaining casual friendships, I tend to choose one person and focus all my energy towards them (and want that in return). I can't do the whole "talking once a week/month" thing.

So due to all the things you mentioned (ie. everyone's busy with their own lives and can't give you the time of day), it's practically impossible for me to find someone. There are some people I have the instinct to reach for, but I usually refuse myself because I know most of the time I'll get "I'm busy right now I can't really talk" as a response.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Everyday. I'm someone who's incapable of wanting/seeking out/maintaining casual friendships, I tend to choose one person and focus all my energy towards them (and want that in return). I can't do the whole "talking once a week/month" thing.

So due to all the things you mentioned (ie. everyone's busy with their own lives and can't give you the time of day), it's practically impossible for me to find someone. There are some people I have the instinct to reach for, but I usually refuse myself because I know most of the time I'll get "I'm busy right now I can't really talk" as a response.

I found that 8 percent of all adults have no friends. 22 percent of millennials have no friends.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I found that 8 percent of all adults have no friends. 22 percent of millennials have no friends.

Really? That surprises me, I would've thought it would be higher. I'm older Gen Z though so I guess that makes a difference, I feel like it's pretty common to meet people in my generation who literally have zero friends (and no romantic partner either).

 

[sserafim]

Really? That surprises me, I would've thought it would be higher. I'm older Gen Z though so I guess that makes a difference, I feel like it's pretty common to meet people in my generation who literally have zero friends (and no romantic partner either).

You're 23 too right? I'm a 2000s baby. Are we considered older Gen Z? I didn't know that lol

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

You're 23 too right? I'm a 2000s baby. Are we considered older Gen Z?

Yeah I was born in 2000. I make that distinction because I think there's a pretty big difference between people who still had normal, screen-free childhoods where we spent most of our time playing outside (as I did) and those who were robbed of even that. My little brother, born in 2005, spent most of his childhood on screens, and I think it really messed up his development.