do you think you'd be treated better if people knew how you felt?

[nails]

this is actually more of a rant than a question. i've been thinking about it in regards to my situation specifically, but feel free to answer the question if you'd like.

not being taken seriously is so annoying. i've been working towards this thing for so long. the people who have promised to help have been complete fucking morons about everything but i remained patient. now, i'm getting accused of not trying because of the mistakes of others. the ONE mistake i did make was a result of last night because i spent the night being manic and self harming until i crashed at 5-6am (going for round 2 tonight, i guess). i ended up sleeping through my alarm and forgot to call someone. the mistake isn't even that bad and there are no consequences, but now i'm being treated as if i was just being lazy. i treated everyone else with compassion when they were fucking me over by legitimately just being lazy or inept, but i make one insignificant mistake and all of a sudden, they act like i don't care. i spent 2 months practically begging everyone else to fulfill their promises and help me, which they usually failed to do; but all of that means nothing because i made one mistake that doesn't even affect anything.

i had to quit the only thing that made me feel slightly happy and now people are questioning if i really had to. i explain the entire situation over and over again just for them to ask the same fucking questions that have already been answered. i've outrighted stated that it was the only positive thing in my life and i'm completely miserable all of the time without it, but i guess they assume that i'm just exaggerating.

there's no point in explaining myself, people are useless. even after killing myself, i doubt anyone will even attempt to understand how painful everything is for me. i wasn't really treated any differently after my last attempt—if anything, i was treated worse—but i really do wonder if people would be less fucking dense if they understood my situation/mental state.

idk if anything i said makes sense but it's whatever, we ball

 

[galaxid]

It's all from the perspective of people who have felt bad, but not THAT bad. They think 'you're not depressed, you're lazy' because they've been lazy and mistaken that for depression. To them, it looks the same. And then they use that yardstick to browbeat people into feeling bad for not reaching their standards.

I don't think there will ever be a way to properly explain this kind of thing to people who have no frame of reference. There's this hope that they never will because its a terrible place to be, but it'd be nice if they could not be assholes about it.

 

[LilyLaroux2000]

I've actually been thinking about this lately. I even wrote an entire chapter in my book about people not understanding fully how we feel or what is going on in our life. They only see what they know and even if we explain- they dont get it- nor do they try to understand.

In the end they dont even care.
Im just thinking- how can they sleep easily after telling someone they are just lazy or a bad person without understanding the whole picture.

If you ever need someone to talk to or a friend or really anyone that would understand- you can text me. I actually understand a lot- been though a lot myself and Im kinda empathetic- everyone says that :D.

Have a nice day! I hope to hear from you someday ^^ - it would be nice.

 

[grapevoid]

If they knew as in felt it themselves, possibly. Knew as in if I told them, not at all. Even people who care will forget pretty quickly since they're not feeling it.

 

[notreallybored]

ב''ה, "Orgazmo" but for how we feel with no distance limit, although in fairness I'm not sure what that would do to homicides.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

If the people in my life could feel the same things I feel on a daily basis, the only way to truly know what it's like to be me, they'd be on this forum researching methods too, if not helping me get something peaceful we could use together. I don't want to say it would cause me to be treated better necessarily, because I'm treated fairly well when pretending like I want to live still, but as soon as I mention I want to die, it's the exact opposite.

 

[GuppyBoyo]

i don't think they will no, i think many of them understand. but the thing is, to them you are merely a means of achieving their societal ends, your experience throughout is second in importance, having society continue it's course is the most important.

people need keep being born, people need keep being funneled into their respective pipelines,
there's debate about the specifics of those pipelines here and there but their consensus remains, people are to be used in reproducing society whether like to or not.

you might be asking yourself "why are they telling me all of this ?" the reason for that is to clear the misconception that they view your suicide as a failure of intervention, that they're upset they couldn't save you or re-contextualize the world for you in a way that would change your mind. No,

your suicide is an affront on them, you are taking something from them which is rightfully theirs, it that upsets them to no end. in dying they cannot reach you, they cannot reclaim what was taken away from them.

so even if they did understand, their goals will remain unchanged, maybe they'll try a little harder to bend you over to their will

 

[pyranha]

i don't think so- my close friends are extremely sweet and supportive, but everyone else, not so much. i've actually already made it clear that i'm suffering and going through some very difficult things. in fact, a few people in real life know that i am suicidal and likely still have a plan in place. that hasn't stopped them from saying cruel things to me or from making me feel like a burden. the only difference i saw is that, for a few days after the 'reveal', they were slightly nicer. then it was back to business as usual.

sorry, i wrote something in response to your situation but i must've accidentally deleted that part of my message. i'm sorry that you are suffering in this way- it's a shitty feeling to put in so much time and effort, to give so much grace, only for it to be spat back onto your face. it's sad but true that many people only see what they want to see, only hear what they want to hear. for what it's worth, i believe you when you say that you've tried to put in the effort- both towards social efforts and the difficulties you've been having. i believe that you tried and the energy you put in matters to me.

 

[BrokenMindAndBody]

No, when my mom died when I was 21 I made a serious attempt to CTB. I already started having mental health issues earlier when I was 16 before that. My extended family was gunning for the house I grew up in. They didn't care that I would be homeless soon. I was very young and I had no experience with anything. They wanted to basically get me labeled as completely insane and for the state to take custody of me. After the attempt all my friends and even some of the family that sort of supported me just faded away. I became completely invisible after that and have been since basically. I was never able to regain any sort of normal life and it has been a struggle ever since. The only person to rely on is me. You can try to reach out as much as you want but most people will never understand. I'm trapped in a very uncaring world and alone. I did die at 21 all things considered. It's brutal.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

I've been treated better by those close around me who know, but I honestly can't say they've treated me badly. I have a great family and very good friends. The hole in my soul was caused by my ex and I know it wouldn't change anything if she knew how I felt or the fact I got a stack of prescription meds stashed in my bedroom ready to bring me death the next time she tells me something about her happy new life. I already begged, didn't work. I don't want her to know how hopeless and miserable I am because then she won't come back because I'm pathetic and I don't want to coerce her into anything.

Life's rewarding her for using me and disposing me, life hurt me when I needed hope and love the most. No amount of better treatment from those who already treat me well will change that...

 

[unscrewedmoon999]

I thought it would be that way, but telling my parents that I want to die just made them treat me worse. Not only do they not care, they act like I said it to spite them and to hurt them even though I've felt this way since I was maybe 10 years old (I'm almost 24 now). They think I'm lying, they think I'm vengeful and selfish and saying it to manipulate them and do I even know or care how terrible it makes them feel to hear that? Why am I so hung up on things, why can't I just let things go (i.e. why can't I let them keep treating me like dirt)? They did their best, isn't that enough?

It boggles my mind, really - it's not like I told them expecting them to lavish me with gifts or something. I just wanted them to understand how badly their denial of the ways they hurt me affects me. I wanted them to understand that their gaslighting, their outright lying, their saying they never said or did things that they did, their constant twisting of all the situations to be my fault while never taking an ounce of blame for the things they objectively did wrong (e.g. my dad buying smoke alarms instead of the combined smoke and CO2 alarms our house needs was somehow my fault, even though all I said was that our alarms are 12+ years old and we should get new ones), the fact that they refuse to apologize for anything - it comes at a cost. You can't push someone forever and expect them to never snap.

It wasn't meant to be a threat. I was trying to get it through their heads that if they love their only child even one bit and if they don't want me to die, they've got to do something about their behavior, and goodness knows they didn't get the hint all the times I tried to be more subtle about it.

People only treat you better when they know you're suffering if they care enough to want to alleviate that suffering. If acknowledging your suffering is a blow to their pride and they don't care about anyone's wellbeing as much as they care about being right, they'll dig their heels in and make it out to be your own fault. That's been my experience with these horrendous people I have to call parents.

I used to have friends who would care. Anytime they knew I was upset, they would always do something nice for me, and I know based on how they reacted to a different friend being suicidal that they would very much treat me better if they knew. We lost contact when I moved abroad, but those people do exist. So in my experience, it depends on if the person is a decent human being. Some people are too self-absorbed to care, but some people go out of their way to be especially kind when they know someone's really having a rough time of things.​