Do you think there's a time where you have to really evaluate and say "I tried what I could and it wasn't enough. It's okay."?

[Ambivalent1]

I'm often jealous and angry that many people get to live lives i can't just because they werent abused as children. But then I remember that none of those great experiences they have matter a second after death.

I've come to realize that the average person often lacks depth, isn't very interesting to talk to, and is a copy of many others around them. My suffering and later experiences forced me to introspect and I like that I got to really know who I am while many others sleepwalk through life. My existence feels fleshed out and in a way I truly did live a life.

 

[masochisticsorrow]

I definitely agree with this,, I swear most people even if human,, act like robots,, sometimes I question if they even have thoughts.

 

[tarabole]

I used to have a imperfect but higher quality life where I had moments of joy. Being chronically ill and getting to the end of potential treatment options means that death is a better option than the life that's available to me. If fixing my illness was an option I would take it, but day to day life has become too physically and emotionally painful.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I definitely agree with this,, I swear most people even if human,, act like robots,, sometimes I question if they even have thoughts.

When I interact with the public, I don't feel like there's anything there in front of me. No one really seems like me. No kindred spirits. But feelings are a subjective thing, not an objective thing. Maybe I'm viewed as incomplete, a shadow of a person.

 

[glyph]

Yeah, you really do develop a lot of character when you go through rough things in life. And it may give some depth to your worldview, or at least a different lens or an angle, if you can dissect said experiences. It's great that you were able to overcome your traumas and came up with a better understanding of yourself and the world.
But despite the fact that I agree with you almost completely, you really shouldn't be so hard on other people, their "standart" lived experience also matters, at least I really want to believe that the majority of people aren't mindless sleepwalkers.
Either way, I think that your thoughts are in the right place.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Yeah, you really do develop a lot of character when you go through rough things in life. And it may give some depth to your worldview, or at least a different lens or an angle, if you can dissect said experiences. It's great that you were able to overcome your traumas and came up with a better understanding of yourself and the world.
But despite the fact that I agree with you almost completely, you really shouldn't be so hard on other people, their "standart" lived experience also matters, at least I really want to believe that the majority of people aren't mindless sleepwalkers.
Either way, I think that your thoughts are in the right place.

I never overcame my trauma. I just obsessed over it. Yeah I am hard on them. It's because I can only really know life from my experience. I wish I could see life from multiple perspectives. Reading what people have to say about their life isn't enough to break through my lens.

 

[Valky]

That is so very true. So many people seem extremely shallow. Nothing interesting, nothing special. They are just like everyone else and I am tired of it. I want a deep connection and not some small talk bs

 

[glyph]

I never overcame my trauma. I just obsessed over it. Yeah I am hard on them. It's because I can only really know life from my experience. I wish I could see life from multiple perspectives. Reading what people have to say about their life isn't enough to break through my lens.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that, I guess I interpreted your post a bit wrong.
Sadly, we can only have our own perspective in life, it's just the way it is.
What have you tried so far to help you move forward, if you don't mind me asking? I don't want to be invasive

 

[Ambivalent1]

That is so very true. So many people seem extremely shallow. Nothing interesting, nothing special. They are just like everyone else and I am tired of it. I want a deep connection and not some small talk bs

Where are the ones who offer deep connection? So many people seem two-dimensional. I think there's something to the NPC idea. Maybe most people are just filler characters and their experience is dialed down to mere instinct. Maybe this life is only real for a small subset. Maybe ctb is how the game is supposed to finish. Many possibilities.

Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that, I guess I interpreted your post a bit wrong.
Sadly, we can only have our own perspective in life, it's just the way it is.
What have you tried so far to help you move forward, if you don't mind me asking? I don't want to be invasive

The usual. Therapy, meds, religion.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's different for everyone. I imagine most people are on here because they're asking themselves that question. Some 'normies' may also ask themselves that question but for whatever reason- feel like they HAVE to keep going. Some people here also feel like they HAVE to keep going for now. It has to be up to the individual as to whether they think they've done enough.

Of course- other people simply won't ask themselves that question. Maybe their lives have been fulfilling and distracting enough for them to never even contemplate it. Others I guess have such a firm sense of duty that they won't even allow themselves the option.

It likely is all about personal circumstances and motivation though- like you say. I think most of us here are just tired- at which point, you do tend to think- isn't it ok for me to just quit now? I've already tried this and this and this. Up to you at the end of the day. You have to decide whether it's ok.

I'm not sure exactly what it is you're having doubts on but it's clear that you are. Most posts seem to be about- 'How do I make myself feel this? (In order that I can CTB.) I'm not sure that you can force yourself to feel stuff that you don't. I don't think you should either. I think maybe you need to really think why you are not feeling these things you (presumably) think you should be feeling? Is it because you just approach stuff differently in life? Or- is it because some part of you still wants to live do you think?

Just curious really. I find your posts really thought provocative but you do seem to be experiencing your ideation differently to many people here. Of course- we do all experience it differently being individuals but there are often similarities between us. I'd say most people have already asked and answered your question in the title to themselves.

 

[glyph]

Where are the ones who offer deep connection? So many people seem two-dimensional. I think there's something to the NPC idea. Maybe most people are just filler characters and their experience is dialed down to mere instinct. Maybe this life is only real for a small subset. Maybe ctb is how the game is supposed to finish. Many possibilities.

The usual. Therapy, meds, religion.

heh, funny you mention the NPC idea, i wanted to use it earlier but thought that it may be too dehumanizing.
yeah, it seems that you really did try, sorry i might have come off as a doubter.
i guess, at the end of it all, all we can do is accept the world as it is and make peace with it. for the longest time i used to ruminate a lot about people and their thinking and conventional ways of life, i came to the conclusion that it really is useless, people just don't care about anything rather that themselves, we live in a world encouraged by narcissism.
i just try to focus on things that i like, even if the lack of connection may seem unbearable sometimes.
hope you pals will be alright

 

[Ambivalent1]

It's different for everyone. I imagine most people are on here because they're asking themselves that question. Some 'normies' may also ask themselves that question but for whatever reason- feel like they HAVE to keep going. Some people here also feel like they HAVE to keep going for now. It has to be up to the individual as to whether they think they've done enough.

Of course- other people simply won't ask themselves that question. Maybe their lives have been fulfilling and distracting enough for them to never even contemplate it. Others I guess have such a firm sense of duty that they won't even allow themselves the option.

It likely is all about personal circumstances and motivation though- like you say. I think most of us here are just tired- at which point, you do tend to think- isn't it ok for me to just quit now? I've already tried this and this and this. Up to you at the end of the day. You have to decide whether it's ok.

I'm not sure exactly what it is you're having doubts on but it's clear that you are. Most posts seem to be about- 'How do I make myself feel this? (In order that I can CTB.) I'm not sure that you can force yourself to feel stuff that you don't. I don't think you should either. I think maybe you need to really think why you are not feeling these things you (presumably) think you should be feeling? Is it because you just approach stuff differently in life? Or- is it because some part of you still wants to live do you think?

Just curious really. I find your posts really thought provocative but you do seem to be experiencing your ideation differently to many people here. Of course- we do all experience it differently being individuals but there are often similarities between us. I'd say most people have already asked and answered your question in the title to themselves.

I think my ocd isn't just about little things like washing hands. I think I live because it's one of my ocd compulsions and that I ask for help here in order to basically circumvent my ocd so I can die.

heh, funny you mention the NPC idea, i wanted to use it earlier but thought that it may be too dehumanizing.
yeah, it seems that you really did try, sorry i might have come off as a doubter.
i guess, at the end of it all, all we can do is accept the world as it is and make peace with it. for the longest time i used to ruminate a lot about people and their thinking and conventional ways of life, i came to the conclusion that it really is useless, people just don't care about anything rather that themselves, we live in a world encouraged by narcissism.
i just try to focus on things that i like, even if the lack of connection may seem unbearable sometimes.
hope you pals will be alright

Read Ecclesiastes from the bible. It points out that the wise person and the foolish person aren't very different. What they amount to in the end is the same, so it makes no difference how one lives. Sad

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think my ocd isn't just about little things like washing hands. I think I live because it's one of my ocd compulsions and that I ask for help here in order to basically circumvent my ocd so I can die.

Read Ecclesiastes from the bible. It points out that the wise person and the foolish person aren't very different. What they amount to in the end is the same, so it makes no difference how one lives. Sad

Oh shit- that's got to be difficult- to have OCD as well as SI to survive. I see- I'm sorry.

 

[Valky]

Where are the ones who offer deep connection? So many people seem two-dimensional. I think there's something to the NPC idea. Maybe most people are just filler characters and their experience is dialed down to mere instinct. Maybe this life is only real for a small subset. Maybe ctb is how the game is supposed to finish. Many possibilities.

That is a very interesting theory. I do not believe in it but it certainly would explain a lot. I wish it was a lot easier to form connections to people but I honestly have no motivation anymore

 

[glyph]

Read Ecclesiastes from the bible. It points out that the wise person and the foolish person aren't very different. What they amount to in the end is the same, so it makes no difference how one lives. Sad

yeah, i guess my point is to try and let go of the enforced notions of life
but it maybe reductive to say it on this forum, hehe
thanks for the recommendation, i'll check it out
and thanks for entertaining my bullshit too

 

[Ambivalent1]

Oh shit- that's got to be difficult- to have OCD as well as SI to survive. I see- I'm sorry.

It's like double SI reinforcing itself within cells interlinked