Discussion Do you think of yourself in third person tense when you think about your suicide?

[Forever Sleep]

As in: '[your name] killed themselves.' I don't know whether I'm picturing what people's reactions would be. I suppose I would be using that. I don't feel like it's some attempt at dissociation though. I know this is something I want. I think more I say it to myself to reassure myself that I'm going to do it one day. Because obviously- in past tense- it has already happened. How about you? Do you do this? I wonder how common it is.

 

[アホペンギン]

I do both, sometimes I imagine myself in my own body while I am in the act of doing it and sometimes, I imagine watching myself from afar while attempting. During the aftermath of my ctb, I always imagine myself in the 3rd person, me watching myself from the corner of the room and additionally, I picture what peoples' reactions would be to find my corpse.

Furthermore, like @sad_rock said, people associate traumatic events in 3rd person and that is what I actually do myself, if I remember traumatic events I usually imagine them in 3rd person and I guess it could be considered as a coping mechanism; it makes me feel less fear. This also applies for when I'm imagining myself ctb, or even in the act of doing so.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

During the aftermath of my ctb, I always imagine myself in the 3rd person, me watching myself from the corner of the room and additionally, I picture what peoples' reactions would be to find my corpse.

Same. I do picture it all down to the finding of the corpse with an ashen grey discoloration. It's always better to see it from 3rd person.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I just view myself as a biological entity completely devoid of such a thing as a soul.
Therefore when I terminate this existence I won't exist anymore and all that is left is a slowly rotting meat sack.
So yes, I just imagine " myself " in third - person tense when thinking of my death.
I prefer to think of the body as " it " .
So it is the " it " that actually dies and not me, and I don't actually exist anyway because the thing called " Me " is just a collection of ideas, thoughts and perceptions run by a physical brain.

 

[eppell]

As in: '[your name] killed themselves.' I don't know whether I'm picturing what people's reactions would be.

Omg yes!!! Specially last year I would always get the thought "she killed herself in [current month]" out of nowhere, as if someone was telling the news some time after it had happened.

 

[MeltingBrain]

As in: '[your name] killed themselves.' I don't know whether I'm picturing what people's reactions would be. I suppose I would be using that. I don't feel like it's some attempt at dissociation though. I know this is something I want. I think more I say it to myself to reassure myself that I'm going to do it one day. Because obviously- in past tense- it has already happened. How about you? Do you do this? I wonder how common it is.

Yes . I always imagine scenarios in my head where after I CTB, my relatives/friends are speaking about me in a party few months down the line.

 

[gbi2]

Now you mention it I suppose I am thinking about it in a manner where it isn't happening to me. I'm applying logic to my situation and what might happen afterwards, rather than feeling.

 

[Yakamoz]

As in: '[your name] killed themselves.' I don't know whether I'm picturing what people's reactions would be. I suppose I would be using that. I don't feel like it's some attempt at dissociation though. I know this is something I want. I think more I say it to myself to reassure myself that I'm going to do it one day. Because obviously- in past tense- it has already happened. How about you? Do you do this? I wonder how common it is.

I didn't get the Q

 

[NeedAnEscape]

When I think about finding my own life, it's all from first person perspective. But once I have actually died, it flips to people discovering my body, reading the last words I ever wrote to them, and just generally how people would find out about my death. I think about what their reactions would be, and my mind haunts me with the scenarios I come up with.

 

[edu0z]

I tend to daydreaming a lot but when I think about suicide is always in first person

 

[IWishToDie]

As in: '[your name] killed themselves.' I don't know whether I'm picturing what people's reactions would be. I suppose I would be using that. I don't feel like it's some attempt at dissociation though. I know this is something I want. I think more I say it to myself to reassure myself that I'm going to do it one day. Because obviously- in past tense- it has already happened. How about you? Do you do this? I wonder how common it is.

@Forever Sleep I say to myself things like I want to die you want to die we want to die. I really feel like my ego splits when I think about dying. There's a part that wants to go more than anything and then the innocent, pure part of me that has been hurt badly still wants to carry on and do the 'right' thing. If I kill myself I feel like I am failing my inner child. The sweet happy boy that was just too pure for this world is still inside me and I don't want to kill him. I want him to be free of pain. It's like I'm my own father but I'm a deadbeat father. It just f*cking hurts.

 

[Forever Sleep]

@Forever Sleep I say to myself things like I want to die you want to die we want to die. I really feel like my ego splits when I think about dying. There's a part that wants to go more than anything and then the innocent, pure part of me that has been hurt badly still wants to carry on and do the 'right' thing. If I kill myself I feel like I am failing my inner child. The sweet happy boy that was just too pure for this world is still inside me and I don't want to kill him. I want him to be free of pain. It's like I'm my own father but I'm a deadbeat father. It just f*cking hurts.

Yeah, I understand. I feel sorry for that inner child in all of us I suppose. I do find suicide tragic. That many of us maybe did have the potential to have a different life and that so many didn't deserve the shit they ended up with.

I guess I also feel like my inner child is unhappy living in this world though. My inner child is still grieving horribly for all the family members she lost early on. I think I'm going to be 'looking after' my inner child by releasing her from all that pain if I manage to CTB. 'We' don't really have a happy end. 'We've' just tried to get through as best we could by slapping band aids over a wound that isn't going to heal. This has been a long time coming for me and my inner child. It's going to be a mercy killing for her!

If I'm honest though, I see it more in terms of the 3rd person. It's more a: 'She killed herself.' I guess on the one hand I'm convincing myself it's something I'm definitely going to do. On the other, I guess I'm thinking about how others might respond to it more.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Interesting question.
I guess. I havent really thought about it because I am too focused with the other aspects of my CTB plan. It actually includes not being found at all so never really entered my mind, tbh. Also, I wouldnt know about it anymore because..well, i wont be there to hear it, i guess.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

I think as depersonalized of suicide because after my recent attempt for example I felt like a nonbeing with no sense of self and suicide seems like a denial of self because the act is quiet literal self-annihilation.