Discussion Do you think it's true that "You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain"?

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I've been thinking about this lately because my depression seems to have seeped all the tenderness out of me. More and more it's becoming difficult to empathize with others' suffering, not because I don't acknowledge it, but because I am not able to bear it anymore. So I've increasingly been blocking it out, even on this site, which is something that I never did before.

These days I am filled with bitterness and contempt towards others. I have to make a conscious effort to be charitable and to put myself in their shoes, which was something that came naturally to me in the past. Thinking about the effect of my CTB on my parents and brothers used to be something that gave me pause, but now I feel absolutely nothing when I think of it. The phrase that usually comes up when I bring this topic up to myself is "Not my problem." Worse than that, I sometimes have rather callous thoughts directed towards them, like "It's your fault for having me in the first place. Don't want to grieve your child's suicide? Don't have children then."

I don't like who I'm turning into. And I don't like the idea of it ossifying or getting worse as time goes on...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

"You either die a zoomer or live long enough to be a boomer."

Even with normal, not depressed people they still tend to find ways to get bitter with age. I even find myself liking foods with bitter flavorings more now that I'm 30. When I was a kid I would have spit that food out and demanded spaghetti with ketchup instead of tomato sauce. It's cruel how consciousness breeds contempt and the longer one stays alive the more likely they'll be to find more reasons to hate. Empathy burnout is more real than ever now that we have infinite ways to test and stretch our emotional processors.

 

[xinino]

To choose evil is to choose freedom, emancipation from all restraint.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

When I was a kid I would have spit that food out and demanded spaghetti with ketchup instead of tomato sauce.

Are you trying to anger the Italians? They will come to kill if they find this out, dude! They don't care if you did this as a kid.





CHE DIO SIA CON TE or whatever it is in their language

 

[delta.sigma]

To splice and augment a more familiar saying:

"one persons hero is another persons villain."

 

[Lady Laudanum]

No one is inherently a hero or villain. There are just humans, circumstances, and how humans react to their circumstances.

 

[wCvML2]

I don't think this quote is universally applicable to every case because not everyone goes down the same path. It is true that the more time a person is alive the more likely they are to lose their mind at least once, though it's not guaranteed and recovery is possible. Some villains have redemption arcs, so it's not so black and white, even in movies.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think there is truth in this. I think- if you're in an environment with toxic elements and/ or injustice and you realise that you're not going to cope being the nice guy/ girl, it can become a case of: 'If you can't beat them, join them.'

It's not even as severe as that sometimes I find. Maybe this isn't exactly villainous but I find I don't have much patience these days. Not that it's intentional but sometimes, my Dad will say things that really haven't and don't help me in life. He gets kind of funny sometimes if/when I get upset. Especially about deceased family members. I expect because he's felt like he couldn't allow himself to. But, I don't think it's healthy to repress all that stuff. In fact, I think it really hasn't helped me to not be able to properly grieve over close family deaths in my childhood. So now, I find I get kind of ratty when he gets all stiff upper lipped.

Other things too. If I find them unhelpful or really critical, I just tend to get pissed off now. I guess because I'm ultimately holding back the big one- that I don't even want to be alive! Anything I manage to do on top of breathing- it's probably best not to pick apart as to how it might affect my future because- I don't intend to have one!

Really though- it's bad. It does neither of us any favours. He isn't intending to be malicious. It is more because he cares and he's worried. And then, I feel bad because I've been a bit off with him. So yeah- I think- live long enough in a situation you hate and it will start to change your character to something less patient and more aggressive.