Do you think it's better for people to know you're suicidal or at least thinking about it or for nobody to know at all and it be a surprise to everyon

[DepressionsAHo]

I ask because I've been trying to explain without directly telling her I'm suicidal so nobody can go "we never knew", but on the other hand, I've been wrestling with the inevitable guilt she may feel because I told her and she might not feel like she did anything to "save" me
What do you guys think?

 

[Bärchen]

Never tell anybody

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Don't tell anyone unless you want them to know and face a possible hospital stay. Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams... they both took most people by surprise.

I know I'd surprise a lot of people, but I'd rather have them surprised than feel any guilt.

 

[Midnight]

My feeling is no ... they won't possibly understand unless they are or have been there themselves. The complications this could bring into an already difficult life isn't nearly worth it to me. Well at least that's my view on the subject ...

 

[DepressionsAHo]

My feeling is no ... they won't possibly understand unless they are or have been there themselves. The complications this could bring into an already difficult life isn't nearly worth it to me. Well at least that's my view on the subject ...

Its not me saying "hey Mom. I'm trying to die asap", I'm just telling her some of my struggles and a bit about reproducing whilst knowingly having mental issues. I dunno. I worry I already said to much. She even offered to come down to where I am and I told her no

 

[Soul]

I've told the people closest to me, and acquaintances know I've always had a forthright attitude about death so it will only be a surprise to people in deep denial. But that doesn't help @DepressionsAHo.

I reckon it depends whether the woman is someone I can talk with openly enough so that she'll understand that I don't want anything done to stop me. I don't think a surprise element spares anyone feeling somehow responsible, so maybe that's not a helpful gauge.

If you talk to her openly will she understand your decision, or feel obligated to interfere, or become depressed and anxious, or ... ?

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Don't tell anyone unless you want them to know and face a possible hospital stay. Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams... they both took most people by surprise.

I know I'd surprise a lot of people, but I'd rather have them surprised than feel any guilt.

It's the guilt part that's killing me. It weighs heavily on your bones. I would know. She'd never commit suicide as she's avidly Christan but guilt can tear a mind apart. It's already done it for me. I also told her no when she offered to come down. I just want her to understand a bit. It took me 5 years for an attempt not to be in a rush. 5 years of my situation Is enough for someone to know it'll never change. That's what I keep telling her and I'm hoping she'll see that

I've told the people closest to me, and acquaintances know I've always had a forthright attitude about death so it will only be a surprise to people in deep denial. But that doesn't help @DepressionsAHo.

I reckon it depends whether the woman is someone I can talk with openly enough so that she'll understand that I don't want anything done to stop me. I don't think a surprise element spares anyone feeling somehow responsible, so maybe that's not a helpful gauge.

If you talk to her openly will she understand your decision, or feel obligated to interfere, or become depressed and anxious, or ... ?

She's a very christain woman. I spoke to her about a bridge near me that's known as a suicide hot spot. I told her this and she said she could never understand how someone could get to that point where they go through with it. She says she understands suicidal thoughts, she's had them too but going through with it will always be something she can't wrap her head around. She's saved me many times afore. She will never stop trying. She loves me more than anyone else in the world. I don't know why but she does.
I told her, I begged her to look at my life from an objective point of view. I am, an utter and complete failure. Any outsider can see that the problem in bad situations is me. It's not other people, it's not the rest of the world. It's me.
She said she knows undoubtedly that my life will be harder than most but she swears that it will be "amazing". I just feel this need to make her understand but to some degree I wanna back off. I'm hoping the "no, I don't want to to come down" will offer her some semblance of peace in knowing that my suicide was my choice

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I think i've been leaving subtle hints that I haven't been doing well.

 

[Darkmornings]

It depends. My mom found out I was suicidal and she made fun of me. She doesn't seem to care at all. I cant comprehend her reasoning. I have too many problems of my own. I feel like her reaction has made suicide more tangible. I wish I never told her.

 

[Sailfisher]

They don't understand. I have usually been told to cheer up and just be happy.

 

[SinisterKid]

You tell someone, they either belittle you, tell you it gets better or they change the subject because it something they would rather not face because they dont understand it. Tell anyone in the medical profession and its likely they will want to prevent you from harming yourself or anyone else and you end up on some psych ward somewhere. Tell a family member and everyone has a meltdown and tell you how selfish you are.

So the moral of the story is, say nothing to anyone because they will probably only find a way to use against you at some point.

 

[Thorn]

They don't understand. I have usually been told to cheer up and just be happy.

But at least you have told them. Nobody wants to look like a fool, so they will make themselves understand, when the time comes.

As for me, I don't use words like "suicide" or "death", I have told them how I feel it, that I just want away... from this existence. Of course they deny, but it will stay at the back of their minds. Better than nothing.

 

[Sailfisher]

But at least you have told them. Nobody wants to look like a fool, so they will make themselves understand, when the time comes.

As for me, I don't use words like "suicide" or "death", I have told them how I feel it, that I just want away... from this existence. Of course they deny, but it will stay at the back of their minds. Better than nothing.

"I don't want to be here anymore."

"I don't want to exist."

These have usually been my replacements.

 

[dolphin]

If people knew that you were already suicidal, they will feel bad that they didn't take you seriously / didn't help you enough / etc.
If they don't know, they will feel bad / wonder if they could have helped etc.
I honestly think there is no "best circumstances" with suicide .. it's just terrible all around ... people will hurt no matter what

 

[Scribble Fan]

I honestly don't have the energy to care anymore. I wouldn't want anybody feeling guilt and I don't want help anymore, I just want out.

 

[deflagrat]

I had to tell people in the mental health service because it's supposed to help with my disability case. No fucks given, even though I talked about it many times. "Come here if you ever feel like killing yourself". Quite useless, but okay.

I also told my mother 2 times and she thinks I don't want to change my mind (and she's right), which means she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. That being said, my relationship with her hasn't changed much.

 

[memento_mori]

well some of them don't even react much when I tell them I'm depressed or they just ignore me, I don't care if they will be remorseful for not being there for me, welp serves them right, hope the guilt eats them alive
though there are a few people who did try to help and knew I was suicidal a few years back ( I hide my relapse into depression), they might react badly when I ctb ... do feel really apologetic about that
but yeah not telling people, last thing I want is for people to intervene, my life my choice

 

[heartisbroken]

I've told everybody and their mom, very conspicuously, that I'm suicidal and have active plans to kill myself. I think I've done this because I really want to be helped, but so far, no luck. Haven't even been hospitalized - it seems that people either don't take me seriously and don't really care.

I don't think it really matters whether people knew you were suicidal or not before you actually do it. Either way, they are going to have regrets and wish they'd done or noticed things differently.

 

[TimeToDie]

My best friend (only friend in real life) knows at least a bit about my thoughts. I haven't mentioned anything in the last couple of months after she did her best to avoid the subject of rational suicide. I can't say anymore as I don't need her sending police to my door, and even if it were totally safe to tell her everything, I still can't as she's not going to understand it. I doubt that any person who wants to live is going to understand our desire to end life. They can't possibly understand what it's like to have reached the end. Another woman I know told me of her own suicidal thoughts, which consisted of once not feeling like living so she went outside in winter in her PJs and thought about freezing to death. As you might guess, she went back inside really fast upon finding that it is really uncomfortable to be cold. Not exactly a serious desire to die IMO. I think folks who have Nembutal at home are going to understand me far better.

 

[barny]

Good question, ive been asking myself should i tell this person. Thing is i think if you are serious about CTB then why am i telling someone? Basically so they do something because its not what you really want?
Yea i wrote a suttle email to my shrink and she didnt answer, so she doesnt care. Do i care if she doesnt care? My mum knows im depressed although ive said nothing, and she just says 'i feel fed up to and like theres no point so i know how you're feeling' !!

 

[Crematedashes]

Never tell anyone. There's too much of a risk that you could end up locked up in the psych ward and have your method taken away from you.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

It's the guilt part that's killing me. It weighs heavily on your bones. I would know. She'd never commit suicide as she's avidly Christan but guilt can tear a mind apart. It's already done it for me. I also told her no when she offered to come down. I just want her to understand a bit. It took me 5 years for an attempt not to be in a rush. 5 years of my situation Is enough for someone to know it'll never change. That's what I keep telling her and I'm hoping she'll see that

She's a very christain woman. I spoke to her about a bridge near me that's known as a suicide hot spot. I told her this and she said she could never understand how someone could get to that point where they go through with it. She says she understands suicidal thoughts, she's had them too but going through with it will always be something she can't wrap her head around. She's saved me many times afore. She will never stop trying. She loves me more than anyone else in the world. I don't know why but she does.
I told her, I begged her to look at my life from an objective point of view. I am, an utter and complete failure. Any outsider can see that the problem in bad situations is me. It's not other people, it's not the rest of the world. It's me.
She said she knows undoubtedly that my life will be harder than most but she swears that it will be "amazing". I just feel this need to make her understand but to some degree I wanna back off. I'm hoping the "no, I don't want to to come down" will offer her some semblance of peace in knowing that my suicide was my choice

You are so kind to think of her feelings. We will all have at least someone who will feel guilt. Honestly though, death is a finality. Doesn't matter if it's self inflicted or natural causes or an accident, those who had interactions with you at any point in your life will have sad/negative feelings. Death is messed up like that. Hugs... sometimes there's no words to say... just... hugs

 

[gentleflower]

After a break down at my working place, a colleague brought me to the emergency room. I could talk the psychologist out of a clinic stay.
I had tried telling my family for months that I have developed a depression, but was always brushed off.
After I came from the ER, I told them again bluntly "I was at the ER diagnosed with severe depression and suicidal tendencies". It took my mother all but 5 minutes to pack all her stuff and get my dad to drive her to me. She has stayed for a few days and forced me to seek out others doctors.
I'll be starting therapy in a few days and have gotten a little hope that it actually can improve my situation.
So, if you do want actual help, telling someone who cares deeply for you can work.
If you do not want that, I think I wouldn't.
I had subtly been asking for help for months but no one noticed.
I dont think it actually changes much for those who are left behind if they knew beforehand or not. All those left behind will suffer, no matter the circumstances.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I've told everybody and their mom, very conspicuously, that I'm suicidal and have active plans to kill myself. I think I've done this because I really want to be helped, but so far, no luck. Haven't even been hospitalized - it seems that people either don't take me seriously and don't really care.

I don't think it really matters whether people knew you were suicidal or not before you actually do it. Either way, they are going to have regrets and wish they'd done or noticed things differently.

She's been active actively messaging me every single day since I told her. I flat out told her how much I've been drinking as well. Every. Single. Day

After a break down at my working place, a colleague brought me to the emergency room. I could talk the psychologist out of a clinic stay.
I had tried telling my family for months that I have developed a depression, but was always brushed off.
After I came from the ER, I told them again bluntly "I was at the ER diagnosed with severe depression and suicidal tendencies". It took my mother all but 5 minutes to pack all her stuff and get my dad to drive her to me. She has stayed for a few days and forced me to seek out others doctors.
I'll be starting therapy in a few days and have gotten a little hope that it actually can improve my situation.
So, if you do want actual help, telling someone who cares deeply for you can work.
If you do not want that, I think I wouldn't.
I had subtly been asking for help for months but no one noticed.
I dont think it actually changes much for those who are left behind if they knew beforehand or not. All those left behind will suffer, no matter the circumstances.

It's not that I want help.
It's an incessant need to not be written off as crazy or delusional because I took my life.
I've done presentations for uni classes about the right to die to maybe switch up the stigamitized view of it. I think that's why somewhat at least

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

It's always good to talk if you think it will help and change your situation. I wouldn't want Anytone to ctb if they could be happy and enjoy life with some help.
But For others it's past that stage so no, it's best to keep quiet and go about your plans.

 

[temp1234]

Had an attempt so most of the fam knows by now.... Hate that I didn't succeed the first time. Because of impulse I blabbed some shit to a sibling and now I hate myself even more cause now the sibling feels worse and worries more. Thing is I believe that if you feel urged to tell someone I think its a cry for help. So don't feel bad if you want to say something to someone cause generally people want other people to understand what they're going through. In my case, however, I just made it worse for myself and my sibling.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Had an attempt so most of the fam knows by now.... Hate that I didn't succeed the first time. Because of impulse I blabbed some shit to a sibling and now I hate myself even more cause now the sibling feels worse and worries more. Thing is I believe that if you feel urged to tell someone I think its a cry for help. So don't feel bad if you want to say something to someone cause generally people want other people to understand what they're going through. In my case, however, I just made it worse for myself and my sibling.

If you read above, for me it's more of a deep urge not to be written off as crazy rather than wanting to be saved. My situation won't improve. Life's shoved it down my throat more than once. I can't go any further then where I already am

 

[Susannah]

In 2012 I had a serious withdrawel syndrome (Effexor/SSRI), an abortion, and the love of my life suddenly left me. All in one week. My doctor told me to slow down and rest. Focus on myself instead of using energy on others (especially my mum, having a chronic disease, very demanding).
I had to tell my mum to give me space. I needed some time on my own. I couldn't be there for her all the time.

She didn't understand. She couldn't relate. She got angry and came bothering me as nothing had happened. Eventually I screamed at her, furiously. Told her I didn't wanna live anymore.
Bang! 3 hours later, the psyc ward came to my house, forced themselves in and drove me to a psyciatric hospital (first and last time).

That's my story, and personally I would NEVER tell anyone directly that I want to ctb.

My best luck to you.
Lots of love

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I ask because I've been trying to explain without directly telling her I'm suicidal so nobody can go "we never knew", but on the other hand, I've been wrestling with the inevitable guilt she may feel because I told her and she might not feel like she did anything to "save" me
What do you guys think?

Unless you really want help it's better not to say ANYTHING !!! You could be locked up and put on meds that make your situation worse.
It hasn't happened to me personally but I've seen horror stories on here from others.

Never tell anybody

AMEN !!!

Don't tell anyone unless you want them to know and face a possible hospital stay. Anthony Bourdain, Robin Williams... they both took most people by surprise.

I know I'd surprise a lot of people, but I'd rather have them surprised than feel any guilt.

Surprise Kitty … It's getting late … or early and I guess I need rest. Who knows if will actually happen. ;)

 

[JohnUK]

No no no never say anything that my opinion. Better and safer that way