Discussion Do you think a person can be 'saved' by a (romantic) partner?

[Fadenself00_]

Nothing could fix neuropsychiatric condition at this point, but it would help so so much having someone there for you like that.

 

[glitterpvppy]

For me it would fix all my problems

 

[just a bird]

They make it so I can see a future. I hope I do the same for them. Is that "saving"? Then again, a future isn't always enough to stop me.

 

[Asya]

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[cme-dme]

As someone who has a tendency to be a hopeless romantic, I'd love to believe it to be true and it is something I fantasize about sometimes but I know in reality this rarely ever happens.
When I was in a relationship, my girlfriend was an incredibly problematic type who did genuinely think she could "fix" me. Of course this is a job she brought on to herself and I didn't ask for such treatment. To cut a long story short the relationship was an absolute dumpster fire and 9 months later she broke up with me (thank god)

 

[Let Me Go]

No

 

[Celerity]

What I have seen of this dynamic makes me think that the answer is no. Maybe there are couples out there who would prove me wrong, but I'm not holding my breath.

My skepticism doesn't even start with the central problem - whether saving someone else is even possible. Rather, I think the real issue is that someone inclined to doing the saving is incapable of having a healthy relationship themselves.

The people I have seen with savior complexes benefit emotionally from that drive because they can avoid intimacy. By being the "stronger" person and focusing on someone else's problems, they keep their own insecurities out of view and unexamined.

These relationships are unequal and stay that way. All the "saving" makes a dependent of the weaker person who is crippled from all this so-called "love". Both are made worse and unhappy by the pairing, but so tethered to the other in a destructive cycle, they can find it increasingly difficult to leave.

But maybe I am just bitter. The best example I can think of for such a would-be savior is someone I greatly desired myself. She seemed miserable for sure in her relationship, but my reasoning was definitely motivated.

 

[unloveable27]

Yes, if circumstances are right. Romantic relationships usually make life objectively better in every way unless they're dysfunctional

 

[iveseenfootage]

I think only you can save yourself

 

[GIGN.Officiel]

I sometimes come across the phrase that a person longs to be 'saved' or rescued by another. To be honest- I also used to have similar hopes. I think that's why Jane Eyre appealed to me although, it felt more like they saved one another there.

I also used to feel upset by the phrase: 'You need to love yourself before loving another'. I wasn't sure I could ever accomplish that. I suppose in a way, I became content and regulated enough on my own that I eventually realised I didn't need another.

But- in that heightened state of need. To be so utterly dependent on another- do you suppose many people can cope with that dependency?

I suppose I came to the conclusion that my type of love would be too over- attached to be comfortable for a potential them or me. That's not to say I had much else going for me either! I'm not attractive. But, it was disappointing to feel like even my loving style would likely be slightly toxic.

I imagine it could actually be a recipe for disaster too- if the other person is possessive and manipulative. They may in fact enjoy being that person's only contact.

What do you think? Do some over- attached/ very needy relationships work? Are there some personalities that fit ok with someone who depends on them heavily- in a healthy way? Can a person be 'saved'? Will they ever move beyond a high level of need? If not, can both people live with that comfortably?

I met my boyfriend on here and suddenly things got so much better. It's not the be all end all but when you're in a good, healthy, committed relationship it's really nice. Do I have suicidal days still? Of course. Can we all wait to find a lover to save us? No. But if it happens and it's a good relationship you'd be surprised what it can do for you.

 

[Manaaja]

I don't know.

If it's something like, you have abusive parents you hate living with, and a romantic partner you like offers you to live with them, then that's a win. You get a new place to live in, you get away from abusive parents. But ideally, it shouldn't be a romantic partner's job to save you, it should be the whole fucking universe's.

If you want to self-improve but lack a bit discipline or motivation or confidence, a romantic partner can help boost you, but once again, it's the whole universe's job.

If they have a pet, you can pet the pet.

If they have a really nice manor with a huge yard and servants, that would of course improve life quality and happiness a lot. But once again, if a universe can't give you a nice manor out of magic, then why does it even exist?

But in all these things, I feel it shouldn't be a lust partner's job to do it. Imagine if you are asexual and aromantic and then the society tells you "better find a duke who wants to date/marry you, or you will suffer your whole life", that's of course really wrong.

It's more gods's job, the world's job, everyone's job. You can't make a world and then let it go whatever way while there are sentient beings. It's absolutely wrong.

So if a romantic partner saves you, it's the universe's fault. Could have given you a nice biological family or adoptive family, didn't. Could have made a world that worships the ground you walk on, didn't. Could have given you a cake for reading this post, didn't.

 

[pax420]

I was with somebody for 23 years. For 23 years I did not think about ctb. Almost as soon as she died two years ago, I knew I would kill myself. Not because she died and I was depressed, I've never been depressed or sad or happy or really anything emotional. I guess me taking care of her was good enough for me. She was extremely bipolar and I have some kind of screwed up emotional problem. I don't really feel emotions. But we were good together. She was a real ride or die. We had each others back no matter what. She was the only person who I ever trusted with anything and everything. I'm not going to ctb because I miss her and want to be with her forever in eternity. Lol I know that ain't happening. I guess she was my anchor and I was hers she's flown off now it's almost my turn

 

[buriedinmyhead]

A person has to want to get better, and no one can force that. A romantic partner can help them want to be better, but that's as far as it ever goes.