Do you spend hours browsing this site?

[land.of.the.lost]

Do you spend hours at a time browsing this site without knowing what it is you are even looking for?

I do and it just feels sad. And when I'm not browsing this site, I'm mostly just staring up at the ceiling all day.

Last year I had access to my most preferred peaceful method (one that I have since lost access to), I had previously spent that entire year backing myself into a tight corner where if I didn't CTB, things were just going to get a lot worse. Long story short, when the time came I chickened out of it. I often tell myself I couldn't do it because of my family (especially my mother) which is very much true but I'm not entirely sure if that was my only reason for abandoning my plans.

As I had predicted, my situation has gotten much worse since last year. everyday I regret not going through with it when I had the chance. If I did, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this misery I am currently experiencing.

The regret I feel for not CTB when I had the chance feels so overwhelming, its all I can think about at times. Now I am convinced that I must CTB as soon as I can. unfortunately Because of my situation and this dark corner I have managed to back myself into, it is going to be a lot harder and will take at least one or two months for me to pull it off but I am determined to see this through, once and for all.

I still feel bad for my family through, they are the hardest obstacle I will need to overcome. My current game plan is, "JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT", Which not the easiest thing to do when one spend all day everyday just thinking about everything. Hopefully the drugs and alcohol will help when the time comes.

 

[TAW122]

Sometimes I do, but other times, I don't. It just depends on the day and time, as well as my surroundings (if my parents are home and around, I oftenly don't visit this site just to keep quiet). Also, if I have some interesting and quality thread, I may go on to post it.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Do you spend hours at a time browsing this site without knowing what it is you are even looking for?

I do and it just feels sad

Same.
Sometimes I don't even know why I use this site anymore.
It started out so I could find out about methods and learn how others are dealing with their difficulties, but now I just don't know anymore.

 

[XYZ]

Maybe not hours every day, but I check in every day. I am not looking for something specific, I simply like to read other people's stories and vent about my own problems. Ctb is in my future so SS feels like home.

 

[epic]

You are new that's why, after a while you will start spending less time.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I'm on here pretty much from when I wake up until I go to bed. It's one of the first things I check in the morning. That being said, I also go through phases where I will post here daily then after a while nothing for months and months.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

ss has replaced most of the social media/forums i go on. there's so much more freedom; you don't have to deal with the "suicide isn't the answer" bullshit - people let you choose.

i understand the chickening out part, especially because of familial reasons. i don't know about you, but there's only one family member i truly care for and don't want to leave behind.

i hope you find peace.

 

[inactive]

I've been browsing for hours and hours over the past week, lol.

 

[rt1989526]

Ever since my decision to CTB I've basically lost interest in everything else so, yes, sadly. Haha

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yep been doing nothing but looking at this site most of the time since I joined (mostly a reader). There was a brief period earlier this year things almost got better and I stopped coming here but covid took that and smashed it to hell...

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. Looking for news, methods or reading other users stories.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i think i live on this site. lol. its like facebook for me. i spend more time chatting with people then anything

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Ever since my decision to CTB I've basically lost interest in everything else so, yes, sadly. Haha

Same. The only thing I still do is listening to music/watch movies. It's like I don't care about what's going on in the world anymore. This site gives me comfort beacuse it's the only place where I can find people who feel like I do.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Yes. Daily. Religiously

 

[Tabbyql]

Sometimes I do, just depends on if I'm alone and how I'm feeling. If i feel really bad im on it all day everyday.

 

[Moonbounce]

Ever since I found this place pretty much yes. I reserve time everyday to scroll through threads and take in knowledge and experience. It helps take away uncertainties and also makes me feel a little less alone. Having a comfortable and reliable place to both vent whatever I need and research whatever is needed is massive relief for me.

I've been tired of life for a long time, but having little to no knowledge of death has made it hard to imagine suicide. This forum is helping me cross that bridge.

 

[BrokenLine]

Yes, I don't know If I'm looking for answers to things I didn't want to ask or by reading other members threads makes me feel less alone because other people are going through similar stuff. And reading the responses feels good because everyone can really talk and be honest without fear it's a place you can see people are supported.

 

[ATownSerenity]

No, not really. I check it occasionally, maybe a few times a week max. It's just that some days, I feel completely alone and that the people here are the only ones who really understand how I feel. If I spoke to anyone I knew in real life about these subjects, they'd hit me with the same platitudes and played out attitudes I'm far too used to hearing and witnessing other people be subjected to. Here, there's acceptance. I never feel like I'm completely alone here.

Personally, I don't think it would be healthy for me to surf this site every day, but it's like a safe haven for me when I need it. The posts I read of people going through their own struggles, the feelings I can empathize with - it's all like a warm blanket waiting for you when you get home from work.

 

[braketimez]

I was off this site for the past few months, but lately, yes...I'm spending tons of time here because my time is near, I think.

 

[ladolcemorte]

Yup...definitely hours a day. I was in serious withdrawal when I was in the hospital for 2 months. (Their wifi network had blocked this site.)

 

[alexit]

Hours? No. But I used to be on an anti-suicide site a lot. Weirdly, I have a lot more fun here. Not judged. Not censored. The world needs this freedom of choice more. There should be more of us, though then there would be less of us. Well, you know what I mean. This is a cool community.

 

[Ghost2211]

Some days I do, but sometimes I don't come back for a while. Then forum's energy can be cathartic when CTB isn't an option.

 

[MYStERY_Man]

Not hours, but I lurk for a few minutes every day. Often I don't feel like I have much to add, sometimes I'll post something regardless.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Well, sometimes I find myself staying the entire day here. Night too.
I guess... I see it as a form of hope. As weird as it sounds.

 

[Nymph]

Yeah it's usually before bed, I'll take my sleep meds lay in my bed and browse and browse till like 4-5am. Sometimes I refresh and wait for new posts because I answered a lot of the previous ones and can't find new posts

 

[muffin222]

I used to browse for hours researching SN and other relevant terms. Now, I mostly try to check in and post once a day. That's why I tend to post in spurts

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Sometimes I don't even know why I use this site anymore.
It started out so I could find out about methods and learn how others are dealing with their difficulties, but now I just don't know anymore.

Like you, it was about the methods in the start for me. Now I stay because of the community. Reading other people's threads helps me. Sometimes it gives me a chance to be empathetic or comforting. Sometimes it teaches me about the struggles others have - situations that I've never been in. Sometimes there are posts that bring me hope. And sometimes there are just people who post things I enjoy reading. Honestly, and without being too sappy, the time spent on this site is probably the highlight of my day. It brings me community, consolation, and purpose.

 

[Passersby]

Hi,
Sometimes more ,sometimes less. I guess just depends on how I'm feeling but my struggles are constant so theres that. Also my pain and physical issue dictates how long I can spend on here as well. In the beginning it was a ton. Now I have 4 methods to choose from and everything I need for each of them. I'm more serious about 2 though just out of preference. Always curious to see if a new method will pop up. Interesting and sad reading other people's stories. Goes to show how much suffering there is in this world. Cool that's a site like this exists though.