I honestly don't think I do.
My father is a post graduate in commerce. He worked at the same organisation for twenty seven years. During that time there wasn't much appraisal for the work he put in. There were better paying opportunities but he didn't go for them. End result we lived just above the poverty line. We had sufficient home cooked food and education But that was all.
My mother was extremely abusive until my later teens. My sister was abusive to me till I was twenty five . My father never stopped the abuse which he could have.
Things have changed now,
My father changed his organisation and earns better than before, my mother is no longer abusive.
But I am so long gone , I am far away from them, from life itself.
Most of the time I am lost daydreaming, thinking what if I had been born in another family, with a different life.
I wish my family had been either poor or abusive . not both.
It has been 32 years of not such a good life,
They all say it will get better, I feel it will get better and it actually is.
But , I am dead inside. Pieces of my heart have been cut and taken away from me .
There are wounds which have left permanent scars on me.
I am just floating, letting life take me in whichever direction it wants.
I never had a control over my life , I don't think most people have. But if life takes you from on suffering to another and life itself becomes a series of sufferings, you feel like a puppet at the hands of fate, god or whatever greater power there is in this universe.
My father is a post graduate in commerce. He worked at the same organisation for twenty seven years. During that time there wasn't much appraisal for the work he put in. There were better paying opportunities but he didn't go for them. End result we lived just above the poverty line. We had sufficient home cooked food and education But that was all.
My mother was extremely abusive until my later teens. My sister was abusive to me till I was twenty five . My father never stopped the abuse which he could have.
Things have changed now,
My father changed his organisation and earns better than before, my mother is no longer abusive.
But I am so long gone , I am far away from them, from life itself.
Most of the time I am lost daydreaming, thinking what if I had been born in another family, with a different life.
I wish my family had been either poor or abusive . not both.
It has been 32 years of not such a good life,
They all say it will get better, I feel it will get better and it actually is.
But , I am dead inside. Pieces of my heart have been cut and taken away from me .
There are wounds which have left permanent scars on me.
I am just floating, letting life take me in whichever direction it wants.
I never had a control over my life , I don't think most people have. But if life takes you from on suffering to another and life itself becomes a series of sufferings, you feel like a puppet at the hands of fate, god or whatever greater power there is in this universe.
