Do you look yourself in the mirror?

[rs929]

YOU DO NOT deserve all the suffering you've been through

In front of the mirror, this thought came to my mind while I was practicing a soliloquy for my acting class.

Wow, I'm a human been too. Such a sudden realization... too bad I'll forget it soon.

So... I'll be Matt cheap replacement just for this time. What do you see when you look yourself in the mirror? And how do you feel?

.

 

[LastFlowers]

I try not to, as when I do, I can easily be thrown into a state of catatonia or a fit of tears and rage, as so happened a few hours ago..my physical appearance is extremely detrimental to me, and has only gotten worse with time.
When I want to talk to myself and tell myself that I do not deserve this pain, I never do so in front of the mirror, as that image is the farthest thing from "me".
It is a flesh prison that suffocates and misrepresents who I actually am and could have been.
But yes I am a human being, and I feel as though I am being punished for a thousand heinous crimes I have yet to commit.
I am so tired, I am so angry, tonight was an especially hellish night.

 

[Horrors Lazuli]

It's so sad to face what I became. This is was not the way it was supposed to go.

 

[Makko]

I'm disassociated most of the time so it feels like I'm looking at someone else. Like it's someone else's body that I'm temporarily controlling with puppet strings. My consciousness doesn't feel like it has a body at all, it's just an abstract entity spying on this world from somewhere far away.

 

[Gaybonez]

I'm disassociated most of the time so it feels like I'm looking at someone else. Like it's someone else's body that I'm temporarily controlling with puppet strings. My consciousness doesn't feel like it has a body at all, it's just an abstract entity spying on this world from somewhere far away.

There's a pill for that, you know. lol. As long as you're happy though then who needs it?

 

[MountKecske]

I feel sorry for her. I wish I could love her still. But I'm seeing a sad needy child in the mirror that I didn't give enough care and brought her to this situation.

 

[Mistake of Nature]

When looking in a mirror, I see a monster. Something that is not me and that is barely recognisable as human. I'm in disbelief at how I could be so hideous.

My reflection fills me with horror, disgust, and hopelessness. There are times I feel nauseous when looking at myself. I get strong urges to cut my face and body, to crawl out of my skin, and most of all, to die and finally let the piece of shit that is me disintegrate and be wiped from the face of this earth.

 

[Makko]

There's a pill for that, you know. lol. As long as you're happy though then who needs it?

There's a pill for everything. Just look at all the happy pill-pushers on this site.

 

[Amumu]

I've always looked a lot into the mirror, and it has contributed to my suicidal thoughts.

 

[W’ren]

I can't look myself in the mirror.
I'm such a disappointment-
Such a waste-
Where did the time go?
So ugly.
I just can't.
It doesn't even seem like me in there- just some weird mock up of me staring back with eyes not mine when i do dare look.

 

[Lmd]

I see a lot of lost potential

 

[death137]

I see a disgusting being. It's a sad situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

I try not to look in the mirror much, but I just see a living breathing corpse. I just look quite ill really.

 

[BlankUser]

It depends... Sometimes I'm ok with what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I hate every bit of myself.

 

[Pookie]

No I avoid it, unless I have to put something on my face. Or after indulging in my bukakke fetish to wipe my face clean.

 

[Hurt]

When I look at myself in the mirror I think "Look what a stupid person!"

 

[motel rooms]

I look a lot like my father/abuser when he was my age. How do you think I feel when I take a look in the mirror?

 

[rs929]

I look a lot like my father/abuser when he was my age. How do you think I feel when I take a look in the mirror?

Do you feel you could be like him?

 

[motel rooms]

Do you feel you could be like him?

No, I'm not a pedophile & violence makes me sick

 

[nerve]

I only look at myself in mirrors when I have my glasses off. It blurs everything and adds some "distance" between me and how I actually look. Even then, sometimes I'm surprised with how tired and haggard I look.

 

[nolongerhuman]

I see a very feminine and petite looking woman and am not especially happy about that fact

 

[Pookie]

I only look at myself in mirrors when I have my glasses off. It blurs everything and adds some "distance" between me and how I actually look. Even then, sometimes I'm surprised with how tired and haggard I look.

I like wearing my glasses or sunglasses when out in public. It's something to hide behind.

I see a very feminine and petite looking woman and am not especially happy about that fact

Why? Do you want to look like Jason Mamoa?

No, I'm not a pedophile & violence makes me sick

And yet many pedophiles use the abuse they suffered as kids as an excuse to become abusers themselves.
I hope you give yourself credit for not becoming an abuser like your father.

 

[rs929]

I hope you give yourself credit for not becoming an abuser like your father.

This

 

[motel rooms]

And yet many pedophiles use the abuse they suffered as kids to become abusers themselves. I hope you give yourself credit for not becoming an abuser like your father.

Well, it's not like I had to decide not to become a child molester. If anything, I find pedophilia more disturbing than other people because I know what it does to a child's psyche

 

[ReadyForIt]

Yeah, like some who have replied ITT, I generally try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I'm disgusted with what a waste/failure I've turned into.

Edit: the exception to this is of course my routinely check to see what it looks like in my peripheral vision to have my .45 Auto held as close to perfectly lined up horizontally behind my ear, as practice for the real thing. I want my CTB attempt to be successful and not end up in a worse spot than I'm in now.

 

[jusbug]

i tend to avoid mirrors

 

[Pisceslilith]

I look sometimes, rare moments when I'm okay with what I see, but most of the time I really hate what I see. I am extremely embarrassed of who I am. This doesn't even feel like my real body or face.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

I try not to, as when I do, I can easily be thrown into a state of catatonia or a fit of tears and rage, as so happened a few hours ago..my physical appearance is extremely detrimental to me, and has only gotten worse with time.
When I want to talk to myself and tell myself that I do not deserve this pain, I never do so in front of the mirror, as that image is the farthest thing from "me".
It is a flesh prison that suffocates and misrepresents who I actually am and could have been.
But yes I am a human being, and I feel as though I am being punished for a thousand heinous crimes I have yet to commit.
I am so tired, I am so angry, tonight was an especially hellish night.

I feel this way EXACTLY. :( I'm so sorry you do too.

I know this is disgusting but I have such hatred for and repulsion by my own appearance (which, like you, has gotten worse and worse over the years due to my various physical health problems combined with age, and my lack of caring about myself/my hygiene) that I haven't cleaned the toothpaste splatters and junk off my mirror in literally YEARS now. NO exaggeration. I'd rather look at that disgusting messy mirror over my own disgusting image that only makes me feel even worse and hacks away more at any self-esteem I have (which really, is none).

I'm really sorry you understand and experience this kind of pain. What you said about feeling angry, your body being a flesh prison and how the you in the mirror is the farthest thing from the real "you"....I relate to that SO completely. My outward appearance does not reflect or convey ME, who I FEEL LIKE ON THE INSIDE. Never has and certainly doesn't now.

Well I just wanted to let you know someone totally understands. And I'm sorry that your night (yesterday now) last night was particularly awful. Wishing you peace, for whatever it's worth. <3

 

[forrrest]

Whenever I look in my mirror, I just come up with another reason to hate myself and harm myself. I fucking hate looking at myself

 

[Life_and_Death]

What do you see when you look yourself in the mirror? And how do you feel?

rarely myself and rarely happy. i wish i could see what others see...