I struggle a lot from it. But I only have recognized it I have it after I read it from David Foster Wallace. Here is a passage about DFW.
He'd say things like, "There's good self-consciousness, and then there's toxic, paralyzing, raped-by-psychic-Bedouins self-consciousness." He talked about a kind of shyness that turned social life impossibly complicated. "I think being shy basically means being self-absorbed to the point that it makes it difficult to be around other people. For instance, if I'm hanging out with you, I can't even tell whether I like you or not because I'm too worried about whether you like me."
I absolutely can relate to what he describes. When I am in a situation where I need to talk publicly or in front of people I am so obsessed what other people think of me. I analyze every single word of me and how it might be perceived or interpreted. Sometimes/ Often this even happens when there is no big audience. This is so accurate at least in my experience.
This good self-consciousness is really helpful to reflect and analyze your own strenghts and weaknesses. It can increase your empathy by understanding yourself better you learn how to influence other people. You know what is annoying about yourself. With humor you can joke about your own weaknesses which can be disarming for enemies
But as he said there is also this self-consciousness which lets you become paralyzed and makes you to a neurotic wreck. I can recall situations where this self-consciousness screwed me extremely up. This over-analyzing of a situation freezes the brain. While you speak you realize how stupid every single word you express is and that the people who hear you must think of you as the trash that you simple are. There is a lot of narcissism and self-hatred in that phenomenoen. I think people with the condition depression rather tend to such a behavior. You are imprisoned in your own mind. You have less self-esteem which makes social interactions difficult. Especially for me who is also socially awkward due to 2 psychosis and my isolation for several years.
I often feel self-absorbed. Also due to my psychosis. It is quite pathological that I see myself as the center of the universe when I am paranoid. I always mourn about my loneliness and my pain. I am not very helpful for the society that I live in. I need a lot of help and I am dependent on a lot of other people. I can barely contribute to the common good.
I live on my own island or my own planet. Quite alienated to the people around me. I feel like my pain was kind of unique or kind of special. Though when I am in this forum or read DFW I realize I am not that all alone. It is difficult to express yourself so that the stream of consciousness is properly conveyed. This should ease the pain of existential loneliness.
"We weep for the blood of a bird, but not for the blood of a fish. Blessed are those with a voice."
He'd say things like, "There's good self-consciousness, and then there's toxic, paralyzing, raped-by-psychic-Bedouins self-consciousness." He talked about a kind of shyness that turned social life impossibly complicated. "I think being shy basically means being self-absorbed to the point that it makes it difficult to be around other people. For instance, if I'm hanging out with you, I can't even tell whether I like you or not because I'm too worried about whether you like me."
I absolutely can relate to what he describes. When I am in a situation where I need to talk publicly or in front of people I am so obsessed what other people think of me. I analyze every single word of me and how it might be perceived or interpreted. Sometimes/ Often this even happens when there is no big audience. This is so accurate at least in my experience.
This good self-consciousness is really helpful to reflect and analyze your own strenghts and weaknesses. It can increase your empathy by understanding yourself better you learn how to influence other people. You know what is annoying about yourself. With humor you can joke about your own weaknesses which can be disarming for enemies
But as he said there is also this self-consciousness which lets you become paralyzed and makes you to a neurotic wreck. I can recall situations where this self-consciousness screwed me extremely up. This over-analyzing of a situation freezes the brain. While you speak you realize how stupid every single word you express is and that the people who hear you must think of you as the trash that you simple are. There is a lot of narcissism and self-hatred in that phenomenoen. I think people with the condition depression rather tend to such a behavior. You are imprisoned in your own mind. You have less self-esteem which makes social interactions difficult. Especially for me who is also socially awkward due to 2 psychosis and my isolation for several years.
I often feel self-absorbed. Also due to my psychosis. It is quite pathological that I see myself as the center of the universe when I am paranoid. I always mourn about my loneliness and my pain. I am not very helpful for the society that I live in. I need a lot of help and I am dependent on a lot of other people. I can barely contribute to the common good.
I live on my own island or my own planet. Quite alienated to the people around me. I feel like my pain was kind of unique or kind of special. Though when I am in this forum or read DFW I realize I am not that all alone. It is difficult to express yourself so that the stream of consciousness is properly conveyed. This should ease the pain of existential loneliness.
"We weep for the blood of a bird, but not for the blood of a fish. Blessed are those with a voice."
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