Venting Do you keep losing friends and you don’t know why?

[catlover20]

Hello,
this is my very first post on this forum.

Lately, I've been thinking about how I've lost touch with pretty much all my friends over the years. From childhood friends who lived just down the street, to people I knew in high school and gymnasium, it's like everyone's just drifted away. I never really questioned it before, just figured maybe that's how life goes. But now, it really hits me how lonely it feels.

I'm not even sure why this happened. Maybe it's because I've always been bad at social stuff and I'm a total introvert at heart. Or maybe I'm just a difficult person to talk to, since I rarely open up to anyone. Honestly, I probably know more about the people around me than they do about me.

Perhaps I'm simply not meant for this world. My mind feels constantly burdened, filled with thoughts about the absence of having anyone I can truly speak to or rely on for comfort when things become difficult.

I'm sure this is something that's been talked about before, but I felt the need to share it and get it off my chest.

Have you ever felt this kind of quiet disconnection from everyone around you, like you're drifting further away without really knowing why?

 

[sambrosia]

Hello and welcome! I'm new too.

I feel like I could have written this post. Even when I had friends, I'd sometimes imagine how I'd end up alone at some point after. These days I barely have friends, but even when I did, my mind would be creating these feelings that were in stark contrast to reality.

To your question— yes, I don't really know why, and that was always the frustrating part.

But yes. Like this weird fog that separates me from people. Or like there's always a little chasm between me and others. When I was further in the grips of depression, I would sometimes dissociate even while talking to someone, just being blank and far off.

And yes, as an introvert, it's harder for me to make friends to replace the ones I lost. I always felt like, I don't know, abnormal, that I was shook by transitions or just unable to transition, and others did quite easily.

 

[vitbar]

It is normal to have friends who come and go like this. Not thinking much about it is also normal. Friendships are easy when circumstance brings people together regularly (eg school, work). Circumstances change and friends do with them. Longer term friendships are possible with effort on both sides to create circumstances. If not it's easy to drift apart.

Being introverted, depressed, and/or anxious etc makes it harder to make new friends, and harder to keep them when circumstances change. It can make you seem uninterested among other things.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Yeah. When my last friendship ended I actually noticed the day it ended and I don't know what I did wrong because her mom said "are you going to tell her" she shook her head and we never hung out again. I don't know what it is with me because people are fine with me until they are not.

Maybe it will be different if I have friends now. It's been a few years since I've had friends.

 

[catlover20]

Hello and welcome! I'm new too.

I feel like I could have written this post. Even when I had friends, I'd sometimes imagine how I'd end up alone at some point after. These days I barely have friends, but even when I did, my mind would be creating these feelings that were in stark contrast to reality.

To your question— yes, I don't really know why, and that was always the frustrating part.

But yes. Like this weird fog that separates me from people. Or like there's always a little chasm between me and others. When I was further in the grips of depression, I would sometimes dissociate even while talking to someone, just being blank and far off.

And yes, as an introvert, it's harder for me to make friends to replace the ones I lost. I always felt like, I don't know, abnormal, that I was shaken by transitions or just unable to transition, and others did quite easily.

I completely understand what you mean. Making friends has always been a challenge for me, and even when I am with the few I managed to connect with, my mind is still elsewhere.

 

[TrappedGnostic]

I can relate. I think it's an issue of maturing into adulthood, as former bonds get frayed and people form their own lives, and the unique difficulty of me being on the spectrum with mostly social deficits and a few sensory and linguistic idiosyncrasies. This means that I'm left with 3 friends, 2 out 3 are also atypical people, although I would say 2 out of 3 are also far more successful than me on every aspect (esp. dating).

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I feel this. It's partly autism, partly modern life, and partly just people normalizing the drift away.

All I want is one person. That's it. I don't have anyone. So it's not like I'm missing out on a life. The most I would love to have is someone to die with - someone to feel a connection and we drift away as we go under.

 

[Holu]

All my close friends killed themselves. I've lost 4 close people to suicide, one of which I knew for more than half my life. I'm just hanging on by a thread.

People keep leaving me by suicide :(. I've lost friends who are still alive sure, but now it's hard for me to make any friends at all.

 

[LifeIsASadist]

Never had friends

 

[Dejected 55]

I don't know if very many people have actual friends. I think what most people call "friends" are really just acquaintances. We live in a world where we encounter so many horrible or indifferent people that when we encounter someone that doesn't seem angry or hateful in the moment and we have a normal conversation... that triggers us to see them as a friend, when in fact they are just an acquaintance that wasn't mean.

When I look back at my life, I don't believe I ever had a friend. I had some people in my life longer than others, and some people I liked more than others. But, at the end of the day, when they were no longer part of my life, whether by my choice or their choice or mutual choice, I was just fine afterwards. Some memories are good enough, but I don't miss them particularly. They were just people who were either not mean to me or were less mean to me than others at the time.

I never had, for instance, a friend around whom I felt comfortable enough to fully be myself. To say what I felt or believed and know I wouldn't be judged. Arguing is okay, you don't have to agree all the time... but you should feel comfortable around a friend to be your true self and speak truth and share your deepest secrets and know they will not hold it against you and you are accepted as you are.

Never had that in another person.

And maybe that isn't entirely possible. I don't know. Maybe most people are too selfish or self-absorbed to be a friend in the way I define it. But to me, that's what a friend should be. Someone you know you can depend on and they know they can depend on you, whatever happens. Everyone else is either an acquaintance or someone you don't really know... and I think in this world too many people take acquaintances and treat them like they are friends, but they are not.

And that's when you get disappointed... when you think someone is a friend that is not. They might not even be mean or evil... they just aren't your friend in the way you need them to be, and you've mislabeled the relationship you did have.

 

[Skallagrim]

I have no idea how to maintain friendships. I don't get what you do, what it's all about. What do you sit and talk about? How do you interact with someone who you've already dealt with?


I find the whole concept strange. But then, being isolated and alone is not all that fun.

 

[pengin]

I have no idea how to maintain friendships. I don't get what you do, what it's all about. What do you sit and talk about? How do you interact with someone who you've already dealt with?


I find the whole concept strange. But then, being isolated and alone is not all that fun.

You just hang out and talk with friends, you really need no excuse to hang out or a plan. Usually, we hang out with nothing in mind and just talk. I would suggest watching a movie, playing golf, pool, or any sport. It starts slow, but as time goes on it gets more fun.

The key is to have something in common that unites you with them.

 

[Skallagrim]

You just hang out and talk with friends, you really need no excuse to hang out or a plan. Usually, we hang out with nothing in mind and just talk. I would suggest watching a movie, playing golf, pool, or any sport. It starts slow, but as time goes on it gets more fun.

The key is to have something in common that unites you with them.

This is why I struggle then - I feel I do need an excuse, a reason, to be around other people. Without that, I feel awkward, like I shouldn't be there. I'll either say nothing at all (and people will feel uncomfortable) or I'll leave the vicinity and not return.

At least, that's how it used to go. These days I rarely see people at all so it's stopped being a problem.

 

[kiro__]

Hello,
this is my very first post on this forum.

Lately, I've been thinking about how I've lost touch with pretty much all my friends over the years. From childhood friends who lived just down the street, to people I knew in high school and gymnasium, it's like everyone's just drifted away. I never really questioned it before, just figured maybe that's how life goes. But now, it really hits me how lonely it feels.

I'm not even sure why this happened. Maybe it's because I've always been bad at social stuff and I'm a total introvert at heart. Or maybe I'm just a difficult person to talk to, since I rarely open up to anyone. Honestly, I probably know more about the people around me than they do about me.

Perhaps I'm simply not meant for this world. My mind feels constantly burdened, filled with thoughts about the absence of having anyone I can truly speak to or rely on for comfort when things become difficult.

I'm sure this is something that's been talked about before, but I felt the need to share it and get it off my chest.

Have you ever felt this kind of quiet disconnection from everyone around you, like you're drifting further away without really knowing why?

I feel it i was crying like a loser these days because of this, I feel like I wasn't made for this world.. I haven't had friends since elementary school and I'm horrible socially, I can't talk properly, I don't look people in the eye, and they talk bad about me I'm sure but anyway they don't even care about me, I feel like a piece of shit saying all this but what can I do?

 

[catlover20]

I feel it i was crying like a loser these days because of this, I feel like I wasn't made for this world.. I haven't had friends since elementary school and I'm horrible socially, I can't talk properly, I don't look people in the eye, and they talk bad about me I'm sure but anyway they don't even care about me, I feel like a piece of shit saying all this but what can I do?

I really feel you. Making friends isn't easy, especially when social stuff feels so hard to deal with. I relate to what you said. Talking can feel impossible sometimes, and not looking people in the eye doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It just means it's hard, and that's okay. It hurts when people don't seem to care, or when you feel invisible.
But seriously, you're not a piece of shit for talking about this. You're just being real about how you're feeling, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I never had, for instance, a friend around whom I felt comfortable enough to fully be myself. To say what I felt or believed and know I wouldn't be judged. Arguing is okay, you don't have to agree all the time... but you should feel comfortable around a friend to be your true self and speak truth and share your deepest secrets and know they will not hold it against you and you are accepted as you are.

But to me, that's what a friend should be. Someone you know you can depend on and they know they can depend on you, whatever happens. Everyone else is either an acquaintance or someone you don't really know...

Honestly, reading that made me realize that if we're talking about real-life friendships, I don't think I've ever had one that fits that definition. The only times I've ever really felt like I could be fully myself have been online. There's just something about being behind a screen that makes it easier to open up and actually say what I feel. In person, I've always felt the need to hold parts of myself back.
So yeah, if that's what a true friend is, then I guess I've only ever had acquaintances in real life. Maybe people I was close with at times, but not someone I could truly depend on like that.

 

[Scythe]

Same for me, everyone leaves eventually, people change, I don't, and that causes us to drift apart. Or I just run out of topics to talk about and stop msg'ing. Sometimes it's out of nowhere and I'm ghosted and they don't bother telling me what I did.

I ended up coping with it by never getting attached to anyone and it's working thus far.

 

[SuicideKitty]

Lol, yeah. I lost all my friends. Some because of my character, some because of autism and other mental disorders, somewhere the circumstances just didn't work out. But the important thing is that I can never establish relationships with any group. Zero. I can't name a single group of people (or even just a person) with whom I would maintain good relations. The only exception was school, but only because I didn't have the opportunity to change it. I don't know what's easier: just accept and start living alone or trying to fix it all.

 

[wham311]

I'm not good at all at relationships and don't like people, that's why I had few people before. But now my situation is so disturbing that people leave me on read

 

[theboy]

Me 2

 

[Hollowman]

I lost em all but I know why. I can't change it so isolation it is.

 

[pengin]

As annoying as it may sound, a good psychologist will find the reason why all of you have trouble making or maintaining relationships.

 

[Dejected 55]

As annoying as it may sound, a good psychologist will find the reason why all of you have trouble making or maintaining relationships.

Absolute statements are rarely true. Just because someone doesn't find a reason doesn't make them a bad psychologist... and the best psychologist will undoubtedly encounter people they cannot help.

 

[wham311]

As annoying as it may sound, a good psychologist will find the reason why all of you have trouble making or maintaining relationships.

They can find a reason, it's not difficult, but you're still you. Some people can't be cured.

Some people don't like people. They're aggressive and emotionally unstable, have low self esteem and insecure and their lives aren't going well which exacerbates everything. People have tempers. There are differences in people's brains... Lower gray matter is found in men and it's responsible for warmth and for aiding relationships.

Diagnosis complete. Good luck fixing that.

 

[xxRoro]

Well what I noticed that no one is writing first after I stoped.
Also I like your pfp

 

[ashendreams]

i never had many friends in school. friendships would just fizzle out after a while. probably pretty normal i guess. i havent spoken to anyone from school since i dropped out except for one, my best friend for like 8 years, who was very clearly not putting any effort into our friendship and eventually i stopped trying to maintain it. i guess he was only my friend because he didnt know how to tell me to go away. ive made a few friends online since then but i just abandon them all for reasons even i dont understand. maybe just a typical case of abandoning them before they can abandon me.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

This is pretty normal as people get busy and they grow up and change. The best part of these friendships though, is that you can call them after a year and say "I'm back in town" and you can carry off where you left off. This seems to be how adult friendships are working, since everyone is busy and no longer in the same place all the time, so that's the adaptation.

I can text my buddies from high school about a problem and they'll be down to listen and help me out. I get that it feels despairing to not have a proof of friendship, but if you were close before, you can try messaging and seeing if they want to spend time together again. Not everyone will want to, but some have for me.

If historically you haven't opened up to people about their problems, you could try to now. Something along the lines of "I'm not feeling very well today, want to hang out to get my mind off things?" where you're not giving someone too much info, but also being open about wanting time with them for that reason. And in those cases I'd make an effort to not seem emotionally depressive the whole day.

 

[Jup_not_gup]

Hello,
this is my very first post on this forum.

Lately, I've been thinking about how I've lost touch with pretty much all my friends over the years. From childhood friends who lived just down the street, to people I knew in high school and gymnasium, it's like everyone's just drifted away. I never really questioned it before, just figured maybe that's how life goes. But now, it really hits me how lonely it feels.

I'm not even sure why this happened. Maybe it's because I've always been bad at social stuff and I'm a total introvert at heart. Or maybe I'm just a difficult person to talk to, since I rarely open up to anyone. Honestly, I probably know more about the people around me than they do about me.

Perhaps I'm simply not meant for this world. My mind feels constantly burdened, filled with thoughts about the absence of having anyone I can truly speak to or rely on for comfort when things become difficult.

I'm sure this is something that's been talked about before, but I felt the need to share it and get it off my chest.

Have you ever felt this kind of quiet disconnection from everyone around you, like you're drifting further away without really knowing why?

no i know why i just don't know what to do

 

[Tumblewillow]

My best friend started being off with me when she joined a new group of friends. Was using them to talk about me and incorrectly speculate about my intentions/words with them. I believe they were egging her on or encouraging her to believe I wasn't normal. I spent 2 years of my life running around after her trying to figure out what was wrong, ripping myself to pieces to find out what could be making her hate me so much.

It was my mental health. I didnt really know or understand, wasnt given clear answers. If I had, id never have said anything.
After I attempted, I was ostracized from the group, told I was killing her and that we didn't have a normal friendship.

I've not had any close friendships in person since. After this happened I started having regular panic attacks/developed agoraphobia and was so frightened of being seen by my ex friend's group I moved to another town.

Ive treated the panic attacks and now I only have them rarely. Ive cultivated a few online friendships, got new hobbies, gone to the gym, improved my depression immensely.
But the pain of that rejection has never gone away and I cant truly connect with people or be myself around them anymore. I used to sort of be a person who was very overexcited, told jokes and made a fool of themselves, now I just sit in silence. It feels like I just can't speak.

The fear of being attacked or making people hate me again is too great. My therapist says I need to trust again. But I trusted my ex best friend completely. I thought "thank god ive found her. Someone who I get and they get me."
I was so completely wrong.

 

[Dejected 55]

Yeah, I had some issues just prior to middle school where someone started a rumor about me in school while I was out sick for a couple of weeks. I came back to school and found everyone hated me and believed the rumor and there was nothing I could do. This went on for years, and I went from being the kid who wanted to welcome new kids to class to being the kid who had to just hide in the corner. Because new kids either would turn on me as soon as they got indoctrinated OR they might stick by me and be drug down into my hell... so it was better for me to stay alone.

Turns out, in later years of school it was still too hard to find people to trust even without the horrible ones. So at some point I gave up completely and never looked back. I wish I had found a love to grow old with... but I'm fine not having friends.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yes I have lost and have some freinds. Lost beacuse of my own thinking. Plus I'm weird but I try to be social.

Some just lost interest or some for other reasons