do you have bpd?

[huntermellow]

want to know how many ppl on here are suffering with bpd like me… i'm always going to be seen as crazy and weird and i'm so sick of it. no one is lucky to be loved by me there's nothing special about the way i love people. i'm always going to be seen as the bad person when i get triggered no matter how badly the person who triggered me treated me

 

[Arahant]

Knowing how strongly BPD correlate with childhood trauma, I simply can't find it in me to consider it a personality disorder or personal failing.

Imagine if a kid who were trying to learn to read got slapped across the face every time they tried to recite the alphabet.
No one would say they had a reading disorder, it would be obvious that they were simply failed grotesquely by the people who were supposed to teach them reading!

Same goes for borderline - if the people who were supposed to love you taught you to associate fear or anger with love and intimacy, the natural response is to be triggered when people present you with something that reminds you of that.

There is nothing wrong with you for that. And it was never your fault your personality became that way.
Anyone in your situation would have reacted in a similar way, and learned similar emotional habits.
You are not crazy and weird at all.

 

[alivefornow]

I was diagnosed last year.

I am a bad person. I hurt everyone because of my trauma. I can't pinpoint what turned me into this horrible person, I think it was everything. And at this point I don't care enough to find out.

I just want to die as soon as possible, because every second I feel mental pain, and my body is weak and aching from the depression. I am full of hate and it has ruined my life.

 

[shiyu123]

Oi, eu também tenho TPB e vejo muito de mim em você, odeio essa maldita doença invisível, é tão difícil de lidar, sinto que estou ficando louca cada dia mais. Recentemente meu namorado terminou comigo dizendo que eu era um inferno de se conviver, que todas as dificuldades que eu estava passando eram porque eu queria, porque segundo ele eu não fazia esforço algum para mudar. Era muito cansativo ficar calmo com ele e explicar como funcionava uma pessoa com TPB, para ele tentar me entender, e eu concordo com você, é muito difícil Para as pessoas nos entenderem, somos vistas como loucas, descontroladas e vitimizadoras, me sinto frustrada e exausta no momento, mas tenho fé que um dia seremos amados tanto quanto amamos alguém! e esperamos que sejamos felizes um dia, nós merecemos;

 

[Arahant]

I was diagnosed last year.

I am a bad person. I hurt everyone because of my trauma. I can't pinpoint what turned me into this horrible person, I think it was everything. And at this point I don't care enough to find out.

I just want to die as soon as possible, because every second I feel mental pain, and my body is weak and aching from the depression. I am full of hate and it has ruined my life.

Whether you consider yourself good or bad, I wish for you to be free of everything you suffer.
May your depression end forever, and may you be gracefully protected from all pain.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No, I don't have BPD. I don't even want to be in a relationship. I just want to be dead

 

[huntermellow]

Hi, I also have BPD and I see a lot of myself in you. I hate this damn invisible illness. It's so hard to deal with. I feel like I'm going crazy every day. My boyfriend recently broke up with me, saying that I was a hell to live with, that all the difficulties I was going through were because I wanted to be, because according to him, I didn't make any effort to change. It was very tiring to stay calm with him and explain how a person with BPD works, so he could try to understand me. I agree with you. It's very difficult for people to understand us. We're seen as crazy, out of control and victimizing. I feel frustrated and exhausted at the moment, but I have faith that one day we will be loved as much as we love someone else! And we hope that we will be happy one day. We deserve it.

i'm sorry you're going through that :( i got broken up with 10 months ago and i'm still not over it. it's affected me so much even tho it was such a short relationship because it was my first time feeling wanted and special and it was the happiest and most normal i ever felt in my life. it's destroying me so much. i wasn't worth fighting for at all. every time i tried to be better and make it work i messed up but i didn't deserve to be treated the way i was. i felt so worthless and unwanted and insecure and i still do. i can't even get an explanation or anything no matter how much i begged and it made me act out again when i was trying to be better. and now everything is worse than it ever was. i feel like such a lost cause. i never would've imagined this time last year that my life would've come to this

I was diagnosed last year.

I am a bad person. I hurt everyone because of my trauma. I can't pinpoint what turned me into this horrible person, I think it was everything. And at this point I don't care enough to find out.

I just want to die as soon as possible, because every second I feel mental pain, and my body is weak and aching from the depression. I am full of hate and it has ruined my life.

i feel like a bad person too because of the way i think and act. i think i know exactly who and what made me turn out this way. if only i had a different upbringing and a different family then i could've had a chance to be normal. i wish i was loved as a child so my love for people as an adult could be healthy and normal

 

[shiyu123]

sinto muito que você esteja passando por isso :( terminei há 10 meses e ainda não superei. isso me afetou muito, mesmo tendo sido um relacionamento tão curto, porque foi a primeira vez que me senti desejada e especial e foi a vez mais feliz e normal que já me senti na vida. está me destruindo muito. não valia a pena lutar por mim. toda vez que tentei ser melhor e fazer funcionar, eu errei, mas não merecia ser tratada do jeito que fui. me senti tão inútil, indesejada e insegura e ainda me sinto. não consigo nem uma explicação ou algo assim, não importa o quanto eu implore e isso me fez agir de novo quando eu estava tentando ser melhor. e agora tudo está pior do que nunca. me sinto uma causa perdida. eu nunca teria imaginado que nessa época do ano passado minha vida chegaria a esse ponto

Eu também me sinto uma pessoa má por causa da maneira como penso e ajo. Acho que sei exatamente quem e o que me fez ficar assim. Se eu tivesse tido uma educação diferente e uma família diferente, eu poderia ter tido a chance de ser normal. Eu queria ter sido amado quando criança para que meu amor pelas pessoas quando adulto pudesse ser saudável e normal

Eu me sinto exatamente da mesma forma :c uma causa perdida por ter o desejo de ser amado para sentir felicidade, I hope that one day everything will be overcome

 

[Malfunction]

Not sure, with the way my moods swing I'd guess yes.

Took over 30 years to finally get my hearing tested by those claiming I just didn't want to pay attention. (I'm legally deaf, both ears perfectly healthy, I was born this way)


No chance in hell could I get my mental health assessed with this level of ignorance.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Haven't confirmed yet but I very much match the majority of general symptoms. Especially the ones about unstable feelings and relationships.

 

[willitpass]

I've never been diagnosed, however when I was a teenager they frequently would put in my paperwork that I had traits. I believe you have to be 18 to be officially diagnosed and I'm glad I never got that official diagnosis as I know that it is full of stereotypes and mistreatment by healthcare providers. I definitely used to have many of the traits, especially with obsessive and then suddenly ending relationships and other troubles with interacting with people. I honestly believe I grew out of those traits now. I do have some relationship difficulties but those are more related to being too depressed to contact people and becoming rather flakey when my mental health goes south, but I wouldn't call those personality disorder traits and I'm still able to manage pretty healthy relationships overall.

I do have some other traits, such as severe self harm that has carried over into adulthood, a rather unstable sense of self, somewhat impulsive behavior (though nothing too crazy). It's hard to tell because it seems more than just MDD but if I don't have the interpersonal issues I don't think it fits into BPD either. I think I'm just a bit of a mishmash of a lot of fucked up shit. I'm happy to not seek out a BPD diagnosis anyway, as I've already received all the BPD treatments like DBT and medications and they didn't help, so no need to slap a stigmatized label onto myself.